The following was brought to you by the letter Q, because q is the ugliest letter in the alphabet.
Is it Thursday already, last time we did this dance you were only about 115 lbs. I remember you smelled like a bloody nose, cause you were on the rag. God, you were still beautiful though, we must’ve kissed for 10 minutes before I earned my red wings. What was that song playing? Oh yeah, Salt Shaker by the Ying Yang Twins… ah, we were wild girl. My father freaked when he saw the back seat completely covered in blood like it was. How else are you supposed to know to grab a towel without trial and error? He started calling the cops and screaming “What have you done?! You’re going to the rape house boy, why God why? Does your blood lust know end?! Where the f*ck is the body Tyler, where the f*ck is the body?! Did you eat the evidence?! Oh God, you’re developed a taste for blood and there’s no turning back now. Did you come here to kill me now? Go on, DO IT!!! I’m not your real father, you’re mother dumped you on me after that loser Tron left her full of his seed. Go on you animal, pull the trigger! I just wish I could’ve made love to Steve one more time…” The old man was as nutty as squirrel $#!T but I still wish he hadn’t committed suicide once he found out that was your blood. Ah, to be young…memories.
Baltimore Comedy Factory, tonight through Saturday. Have I mentioned Erin Jackson will be there?
I called my mother’s house two days ago and left a message for her with my sister. “Tell Mom that I need money and to give me a call…” Truthfully I didn’t really need money and told my sister not to tell her that it was a lie. That was Tuesday, this morning on my way to work I got a call. “I hear you’ve been trying to get in touch with me…” She heard that I needed money and this was the urgency she had shown to return the call. “Mom, I don’t really need money (She replied “Of course you don’t, you have a good job” to which I said “But I can always use more… give it to me”) but you’ve failed the motherly love test… I demand an increase in the will” There really wasn’t more to the conversation because I was arriving at work, but I’ll keep you posted on that will. Pay the man…
The following just took place, in the workplace:
Mission: Sexual Harassment
TRich: Hey Cassaundra.
T: Sex Fight!
T: Never mind.
Jake and Tyler have a new open mic in the Ol’ Comedy Spot, who doesn’t get misty eyed thinking of the old open mic. I remember good times, my comedy probably sucked twice as much as now but they were good times darn it. It starts at 7:30, forgive me if it’s actually later but I’m too lazy to go to my GMail right now… here http://www.tdcpresents.com/ I know its on there and if you are considering going now you can get it straight from the horse’s mouth.
If you have not read the DCComedy4Now interview with Jimmy Merritt, I forgive you. Now go: http://www.dccomedy4now.blogspot.com/ and find it (it was very recent), celebrate someone who hustled his behind off and put in work. I’m ecstatic for Jimmy and his accomplishments, he is determined and persistent. He took me on my first “real” drive for comedy. And I had a blast at the 955 comedy club, which led to meeting Odyssey Michaels, which led to Funnybone happenings and a lot of friends. He’s down to earth and quite simply “good people”. Wish him luck on his college tour, “Here’s to not coming home Jimmy… for a while anyway.”
I’m done eating Bacon, Egg and Cheese sandwiches made at work. They give me the $#!Ts and the ghost of Christmas Past won’t leave me alone while I work.
It is 11:15 am, I’ve done zero work since 9:30 am. What the f*ck have you done lately? (Gotta love the movie WANTED, Mr. Timnus rocks)
New scent: Dolce & Gabbana The One. Gentlemen, if we don’t show women the definition of sexy how will they ever know if falls right above Seychelles. Which means island group W Indian Ocean NE of Madagascar ∗ Victoria (on Mahé Island) area 107 square miles (277 square kilometers), population 75,876; formerly a British colony, a republic in the Commonwealth of Nations since 1976. I only felt it necessary to give that to you because it took me about 15 minutes to search what comes after sexy in Merriam- Webster’s Dictionary. Oh my God, I’m wasting my life… in 15 minute increments.
I’m pretty hoooongray (hungry) so I’m gonna go make some room for food (…?) and then it’s off to fill the tank. Now don’t think this hasn’t been a little slice of heaven… cause it hasn’t.
A THING THAT HAPPENED - I don’t usually write sincere posts on here, but “here goes” or whatever “people” “say” “anymore”. And this is not about my secret Scientology past (oops!)...
2 years ago