Two days of blogging since I forgot...

Hump day everybody! Gotta love short work weeks, shame that we won't see one again for some time. I went downstairs and bought a MILD Slim Jim.... needless to say the reason it was only MILD was because it lacked love. It was like kissing someone when you want to be kissing someone else. Shame on you Slim Jim.

I'm sure that we all heard the horrible news that Heath Ledger is dead. I'm not gonna pretend that I knew him and I'm sad, but damnit. That's the Joker... yeah I'm selfish like that. My first words when I found out(after the disbelief) were "Well thank God they finished shooting that movie a couple months ago. But now who's gonna play the Joker in the next one?!" We'll wait and see about that one. It does suck that right at what was to be the best time in his career he was snatched. Note to self: Do Not Take Sleeping Pills!

Time for me to get a shape-up/haircut or something... Charlie is making me look bad. Unacceptable.

"Lovers call him king haters call him clown

He would say bite me thats the way its going down

He was having thoughts that maybe he should retire

Went to church on sunday and saw a Friar

Said he had beef and people want him dead

He loved the hungry ones was only scared of affairs

He lived the fast life couldnt get his path right

Friar just told him bout the hooters that he had last night

Turned himself in to the pattywagon, said no

Bacon wouldnt take him half the pigs on the payroll"

- Lupe Fiasco

Mmmm Mmm Mmmm! That man is bad. My hero. I made it home in about 40 minutes yesterday. I'm aware that had nothing to do with Lupe, but I'm still pretty f**kin' stoked about it. So.... yep.

(Now we start blogging fresh for today... I forgot to publish post yesterday)
Let me start off this festive day by saying that I got pulled over this morning and ticketed for not having my seat belt on. I can't even really be angry at that, but it happened and it made me late to work today. Plus I was choking back a wicked S#it the whole time I was in traffic, including waiting 15 minutes for him to make sure I didn't have any warrants out for my arrest. But luckily there was only one cop car.

I saw a preview for the movie "10,000 BC"... I really don't know what to say. If you have time I invite you to view it for yourself, here you go http://www.10000bc.com/ all that I will say is that they speak perfect English... so... yep.

I never thought I would see the day that I subscribe to multiple services from Equifax, but I'm an old man now. I think one of my happiest moments was correcting them and getting the letter "We f*cked up, sorry" but yeah, it was sweet. And I bought another service from them today too. I don't understand why people wouldn't want to know their score, cause almost every product offered is just your credit "report", then comes the rape when they ask you for way more money just to see your number. Dog$#it!

Watched Snatch last night.... sometimes you just don't know what you're missing until it shows up again. It's still just as good as it was the first time I saw it. "Guy Ritchie, come back and make films like Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch!.... but not that Madonna movie." There, now I feel good.

When did Pauly Shore stop making movies? I still find him hilarious darnit. (Making weasel sounds at my cubicle in his memory)

Look out!
Millions of peaches
peaches for me
Millions of peaches
peaches for free
Millions of peaches
peaches for me
Millions of peaches
peaches for free

Laters...

"Who wipes standing up?!"

Welcome back to another week in: (drum roll please) ..... Life :( But have no fear, the weekend can't be more than 8 or 9 days away, so there is hope. I hope that you all had a great weekend, Lord knows I did. Granted I saw most of you on Saturday night anyway, but let's pretend shall we. I got to sit on my butt on Saturday, but Sunday was one of those days where you have all types of things to take care of. The only one that I didn't mind doing was picking up my dog Max from the groomer and seeing what a sex-ified beast he is. Ah, to be young, furry, and F***in sexy. For those that are wondering, yes I'm still listening to Lupe Fiasco's The Cool everyday all day... I'm not joking. It is rare that we find an album like this and the last time I think I had this love was for T.I.'s Urban Legend. Ah, 2003... what a piece of $#*t year that was for me. Let's not reminisce anymore, most of my memories aren't that great.

"What the hell does that title mean?" Well I'm glad you asked random(comic) reader, apparently a good majority of the public is sitting while they wipe their behind. Call me nuts but for some things I believe you need to get up on your feet. I don't want to be gross but you're missing something if you don't stand up and get on at least one set of your tippy toes. Somebody comment and prove that I know what I'm talking about. I don't know how it came up but first Nelson said that he sits, then my friend Nate, then Kevin, then Leah, and so far I have yet to find someone that stands up like a homosapien. That's bush league folks. Someone even called me a child for standing... the audacity. Now yes, maybe this stand up habit developed cause as a child it was the only way to keep from Sh__ty draws(and keeping my mother from throwing them at me and screaming "Why can't you wipe your A$$!") but now it's just necessary. I could go on all day but I'll end it on this, a man could just pull really hard and get a condom on(God that would hurt, if it didn't break) but instead he rolls... he rolls. I'm just saying sometimes taking a few more seconds to do something get pretty orgasmic results. The Fowlest knows what I mean.

Yes, the Spy Lounge is still alive...

Tomorrow is Richmond Funnybone time. I have been rocking my own mixture of peach fuzz/facial hair because superstition has lead me to believe it helps me not bomb, but it's gonna be on TV. I really don't wanna look like a bum on Comcast, but I want the set to go well more than I care what I look like. You know what? I think I know what I'm gonna do.... Flash Cards. They help everything!

I recently had to make a call to someone who had a GOOD 3 minutes of shout outs, random slang, F__ck offs, guttural sounds, and lastly(I swear) a bit of prayer.... clearly there are no employers that just interviewed them getting ready to call. I keep thinking how funny it would be to change my voicemail to that for a while, but I don't want people thinking TRich has been kidnapped. Plus, my momma raise me better than that.

(I took a long break to run down to the store and pick up some snackies)

And what did I get you ask? A BIG ASS BAG O' JERKY!... and pink lemonade. My jaw kinda hurts but what would you go through for some good jerky right now? Would you kill... yeah you would. Bless you jerky, bless your delicious smoky ways and how you always vote Democrat. Go Obama!

Laters

I found out I have feelings yesterday...

As I was about to go to lunch yesterday I was shocked to find out that Ciara(work buddy I normally roll with) was having lunch with her sister and a friend. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, cause I'd just roll with. But, they had decided on eating at some NOODLE house and damned if I'm gonna give up a perfectly good lunch for that jive. So, I turn to Charlie, who is broke and says "nah, I'm good. I'll stay at my desk." I'm not about to eat at my desk when there are all these women running around downstairs, so I turn to Amy and ask what plans are. She says that she and Ann are going to Five Guys, I say "I'm in!"... this is where it gets dark for our hero folks. She fired back with "Who said you were invited?!" and all I could do was pause and walk back to my seat. I eat with them everyday, so I never expected that. I was kinda crushed, I must say. I sat down and told myself that I just wouldn't eat today and then got really angry at the fact I even cared. So while I sped through what was left of my work, I could only focus on how soft I've gone. I used to take great pleasure in what an @ssh0le I was, and look at me now... happy. Well, the story ends with the fact that I missed Amy saying she was just joking and everyone coming over and laughing at how visibly angry I was. For those that are curious as to what I had at Five Guys, I had a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger with Regular fries and about 4 refills of Sprite w/ Fruit punch mixed in. I just felt like knowing my order would really bring that whole story home.... moving on then.

If you don't have Lupe Fiasco's The Cool, "What the F@ck is you doin'?!!" Don't take my word for it, every review says basically the same thing:

"Hits like crack, but you won't wake up in your own urine" - Entertainment Tonight

"That Ni99a's Fire son" - President George W. Bush

"The last time my homeboy put me on to something that vicious, I caught the clap"- Jermaine Fowler

"I could be gay for him"- (requested to remain anonymous)

"Make Kanye's Graduation look like a Diddy album!"- Diddy

and it just goes on and on(truthfully I could have done that 30-40 more times but wanted to spare you guys)

I keep getting Christmas cards from people at work, but I'm not giving any. That's really all there is to that but it makes me feel a little bad... but either way I'm not spending a dime on someone that I work with. Remember, they are the enemy...

Interestingly enough, as I began to "mack" a female at work the has vitiligo, there was an interesting story on a broadcaster that has the same affliction. Luckily, she is pretty much without pigment so it's not a spots thing, she's just black with out being black anywhere. But the freckles still look good though. Here is the story: http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/2007-12-16-vitiligo_N.htm?imw=Y

Well, I'll try to come up with something good for tomorrow but until then

Laters....