Tyler Richardson on Facebook

Just as good as a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

All Fro'd the F*ck out!

Well, here we are.... it's so close to the new year I can hardly stand it. I felt like going into 2007, it was gonna be a great year. I think I was right, I accomplished a lot of things that I wanted to and set new goals while doing so. I'm sure that we all did, and hopefully you've done most( preferably all) of the things that you set out to do this year. In comedy or in life. Let's roll through some things that were interesting to me in this thing we call 2007:

  1. Lost at the DC Improv to Jason Weems(I don't feel too bad about that, but I didn't place... that sucked)

  2. Got a career, left being a car salesman behind me

  3. Moved out from the neighborhood across the street from my ex

  4. Discovered Guitar Hero 2 then 3 then ROCK BAND!

  5. Met John X

  6. Bought my own iPod( up til' this summer, I was using Nelson's)

  7. Slept outside in Times Square with the Fowlest and Keith

  8. Saw Hampton win at the Improv

  9. Jake Young and Jermaine won too!

  10. Saw Rob's "Pimp" pad, nicely done Mr. Maher

  11. Had the biggest slice of pizza I'd never dreamed of

  12. Got a both feet in the door at the Richmond Funnybone (finally)

  13. Bought and guzzled Absinthe.... all hail the green fairy

  14. Fell in love with Heath Ledger's version of the Joker

  15. Fell in love with Tyler Richardson

  16. Started an open mic (I'm so lazy that's something I never saw happening)

  17. Got a great tape on stage (still waiting to see it, but the show was bananas so... fingers crossed)

  18. Put on Tyler vs. Tyler... finally

  19. Went on XM Radio

  20. Went to a wedding for the first time and was a groomsman for one of my closest friends

  21. Spent a weekend gambling for the bachelor party

  22. Hustled the hell out of colleges and got some work for it

  23. Saw Rory on Live at Gotham with Herbie

  24. Made a few enemies here and there

  25. No one that I knew died

  26. Met Charlie Rutherford, the strangest man on the planet

  27. Picked up a couple of friendships that I thought were done, but were most important

I bring these up to make you reflect on what you accomplished in 2007. I bet there are some things that happened that you you'd be very proud of that might slip your mind. Take a second and reflect, you might not have believed some of the things you did would be possible. So...


Friday, December 21, 2007

May you all have a Merry Christmas!!!!

Please be safe, love you're family, friends,
neighbors, or whoever is important in your life
Merry Christmas everyone!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

I found out I have feelings yesterday...

As I was about to go to lunch yesterday I was shocked to find out that Ciara(work buddy I normally roll with) was having lunch with her sister and a friend. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, cause I'd just roll with. But, they had decided on eating at some NOODLE house and damned if I'm gonna give up a perfectly good lunch for that jive. So, I turn to Charlie, who is broke and says "nah, I'm good. I'll stay at my desk." I'm not about to eat at my desk when there are all these women running around downstairs, so I turn to Amy and ask what plans are. She says that she and Ann are going to Five Guys, I say "I'm in!"... this is where it gets dark for our hero folks. She fired back with "Who said you were invited?!" and all I could do was pause and walk back to my seat. I eat with them everyday, so I never expected that. I was kinda crushed, I must say. I sat down and told myself that I just wouldn't eat today and then got really angry at the fact I even cared. So while I sped through what was left of my work, I could only focus on how soft I've gone. I used to take great pleasure in what an @ssh0le I was, and look at me now... happy. Well, the story ends with the fact that I missed Amy saying she was just joking and everyone coming over and laughing at how visibly angry I was. For those that are curious as to what I had at Five Guys, I had a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger with Regular fries and about 4 refills of Sprite w/ Fruit punch mixed in. I just felt like knowing my order would really bring that whole story home.... moving on then.

If you don't have Lupe Fiasco's The Cool, "What the F@ck is you doin'?!!" Don't take my word for it, every review says basically the same thing:
"Hits like crack, but you won't wake up in your own urine" - Entertainment Tonight
"That Ni99a's Fire son" - President George W. Bush
"The last time my homeboy put me on to something that vicious, I caught the clap"- Jermaine Fowler
"I could be gay for him"- (requested to remain anonymous)
"Make Kanye's Graduation look like a Diddy album!"- Diddy

and it just goes on and on(truthfully I could have done that 30-40 more times but wanted to spare you guys)
I keep getting Christmas cards from people at work, but I'm not giving any. That's really all there is to that but it makes me feel a little bad... but either way I'm not spending a dime on someone that I work with. Remember, they are the enemy...
Interestingly enough, as I began to "mack" a female at work the has vitiligo, there was an interesting story on a broadcaster that has the same affliction. Luckily, she is pretty much without pigment so it's not a spots thing, she's just black with out being black anywhere. But the freckles still look good though. Here is the story: http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/2007-12-16-vitiligo_N.htm?imw=Y

Well, I'll try to come up with something good for tomorrow but until then

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Hi Erin, 143

I just wanted her to know. But let's carry on with the Christmas spirit shall we. Ahem....

I've got a Golden Ticket!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Why so serious?

And here we are smack dab in the middle of a boring A$$ Tuesday morning... Uggg! It was so cold this morning that I couldn't move, plus I had no time to heat up the car so I was literally driving down the road in a giant ice block for a few miles. And then I hit the B!+ch that we call interstate traffic.... Uggg! And of course there was no dead body for me at the end of that yellow brick road. And someone had the audacity to judge me this morning for wishing to see a corpse at the end of the rainbow. I'm only human aren't I? Then she beat me to work and she left home 45 minutes after me! Uggg! But let us move along folks...

Yesterday I pulled such an a-holeish move that even I had to look back in (almost)shame and say "damn, that was a D**k move". Here is why: A few people from my section and I wanted to order some pizza(and of course it was from Pizza Hut, I'm American dammit). We asked Mr. Rutherford if he would like to get down on some with us, his reply was "not hungry"which we all knew was a front for being broke. Cause Lord knows he lets the world know his troubles. Now, I don't feel the least bit of sympathy for him cause when you ask a woman with two children AND a child of yours (that's 3 folks) you take a risk (at 24 years old) you might be a little strapped for cash. I think I'd rather commit suicide than have three kids at my age. Well they all felt bad(cause they're females) and saved almost a whole pizza for him after lunch. I went to my cuby which isn't too far from Mr. 3 kids, and heard him turn down the pizza they offered him about 3 or 4 times. It was at that point that I thought of my two roommates and did what I hoped they would do in my position. I stood up and snatched that pizza without hesitation, "You ain't got to ask me twice" and that was that. I did get a heart, since it's Christmas, and offered it to him later in the day before I left... he still turned it down. But, a couple of the females came over and said he was getting ready to say yes right before the snatch. It wasn't until I was at home later that night and eating one of the slices, alone, that I replayed the scene and laughed at what a cold move that was. Oh well, I never claimed to be anything more than an A$$hole. My momma loves me though.

I'm glad to see that so many people are taking advantage of the Dark Knight trailer from yesterday, they should... behold true beauty. Well, I better get working... Laters

Monday, December 17, 2007

The Dark Knight Trailer

Here is a your link for the official The Dark Knight Trailer:

What can you say about that trailer that isn't summed up perfectly in this fan boy's(like I'm not one) observations:

Here are a few observations from a guy who is far too obsessed with every little thing about this film. - Bale sitting in his office, unmasked but wearing the batsuit. Interesting shot of Wayne deep in thought. He appears to be in a big office or apartment in the Wayne building, rather than his home. - Batman on the roof. Appears to be holding his head. Behind him seem to be some giant antennas. Has Batman hacked into some radio frequencies, holding an earpiece in - listening in on Joker's plans, or corrupt cops? - "Like me" shot of the Joker. Probably the same scene as the "hit me!" bat-cycle scene later in the trailer, but it looks like Main St and it's deserted. Have the people of Gotham fled from Joker's anarchy? - Joker's voice and laugh - Seriously, Ledger has NAILED this character. If only they gave awards to superhero films... - Joker's knives - Quite emphasised in a lot of the promotional material. We've seen him hold a knife on Rachel Dawes, threaten to carve smiles into people, he's holding one on the new poster and now his pockets are FILLED with knives. He also tosses a knife from one hand to the other later in the trailer. Looks like Joker's got some knife-play skill. - Joker hanging out of a window letting his hair blow in the breeze - I've never been arrested, but I'm pretty sure cops would frown upon that. Joker's gone and stolen a cop car, and if the Grand Theft Auto games have taught us anything, that's a trademark of a true bad ass. - Joker firing the bazooka - I ****ing love Joker's reaction after firing it, how he responds to the actual power of it. It's like he's surprised at how powerful a bazooka is, as if he just picked it up and fired it without thinking about the consequences, then thought "holy ****" after he'd already done the damage. It's like Joker's complete lack of interest in consequences wrapped up into three frames of footage. - Gotta love the Batmobile storage room. Certainly beats a dank little cave. - The shot that I consider the gem of my over-analytical madness - Why the hell is Gordon taking an axe to the Bat-symbol?! When I saw the ****ty version of the trailer, I assumed it was Joker or his men destroying it, but why would Gordon take out the light that calls for Gotham's hero, and the guy he befriended in Begins? - Joker's tendency to lick his lips is such an effective little quirk to illustrate that he's nuts. Just the way he does it is strangely unsettling. Likewise is the shot of him maniacally laughing as he appears to be driving in a game of chicken, again doing something purely for the destruction and chaos of it, probably putting himself at risk and not caring. Joker also has both the quiet kind of madness - the slow clap from his cell, and that first, creepy close-up - as well as the loud, angry, utterly mental self-destructiveness. I'm truly loving every little thing I see from the character. I think, if I'm going to have a complaint about Dark Knight, it'll be "not enough Joker", because this interpretation of the character is so appealing and fun to watch that I suspect that I'm going to want him on screen as much as possible. Best of luck to Aaron Eckhart in having to live up to this standard as Two Face, especially if he's going to carry over to the third film and Joker isn't. That scenario surely couldn't bode well for him, and I thought Thank You For Smoking was gold. But Ledger's Joker is in a field of it's own. I'm a full-fledged Joker fan boy at this point.

In my comedy news, I should point out that I'll be taped for Comcast on demand on Jan. 8th for the Clash of the Comics at the Richmond Funnybone. Sunday was cool up there, Cowboy Bill Martin and Drake were both very cool and personable. And, just in case he reads, "Jessie throws a bad muthaf***in partay. Though the weekend seemed to go by in a blink I had more fun than a barrel full of monkeys! All I need now is some strange... Laters

Thursday, December 13, 2007

"Angel with Wings"?!

And this is a story that is near and dear to my heart. Not so much because the freakazoid kid had the "wing" on her back, but because her parents let her live with that until she was 11 before they had it cut the F#ck off. The surgery was successful though so no worries, now she can have the normal life that she always dreamed of while high fiving herself in her room... alone and friendless. Uggg, would you look at that thing. Who gets to keep the arm is what I'm wondering. Cause that would make a interesting backscratcher... not so much for the back scratching but it's a conversation piece :) One last thing, since it's not a part of her or anything, is it wrong to fry that thing up? That's drumstick would be one in a million, but then again it is Chinese food so...

After playing Rock Band last night my right side is tight as a drum. It's kind of pathetic but at the same time that is a hell of a workout for an otherwise lazy man. Still on medium though, when I get to expert you can expect to see a picture of a drenched, crazy man who is wailing on some video game drum sets.

Do you take gifts from your enemies at Christmas time? That's one of the hardest parts of this joyous time of year. Do we accept crap from co-workers that mean less than sh!t to us? Nah

I guess it makes me predictable that every morning before I can speak what I want, the man who prepares meals in the cafeteria begins to cook two scrambled eggs. Yet at the same time I love the fact that he noticed. I feel like V.I.P., without even having to be a whore. Hooray!

No gifts to buy.... life is beautiful right now. (breathes a sigh of joy, somewhere there is a man who is stressed about his life, money, women, anything... TRich doesn't have any of that right now. His biggest concern is whether he will use the restroom at work since the lasagna is working on his stomach right now. Ah, to be young)

Laters people enjoy your Thursday!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Underdog!

Well it's Wednesday again, the whore of the week since it's so anxious to be noticed but in the end we still don't respect it. Am I right? I might be... but if they put The Office on Wed. nights... AH! A reason to love them at last, now if this strike would just end.

A Christmas Wish List(from a grown man):

-9 more hours of leave, it can be annual or sick

-A high score in Rock Band that is worthy of a picture while Nelson strikes a GANGSTA pose

-A hug from my mom (yeah it's soft, but that's my mommy)

-The price of 87 octane to slip below $2.39


-1 person that I don't like to drop dead

-50 cent to come by my office on Dec. 27th and throw cash at me while I work

-Crouch Deodorant, so no matter when or where, you're confident

-A beard to appear on my face on Christmas morning

-A few comedy groupies

-A good comedy video that won't embarrass me to show some one

-An iPhone that will work with T-Mobile, they exist but I want this one to be free

-My dog to develop super powers that way he can save me one day

-A bad ass trench coat!

-Miller Lite

-To catch a Leprechaun, and wish for Miller Lite... or buy some with gold

-The ghost of Dr. Seuss to come back and write one more classic... maybe a sequel to "Oh the thinks you can think"

-And P***Y!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

"Ask Mike Huckabee about his tax plan and he'll talk about pimps and prostitutes"-Mike Huckabee

I'm not a fan of his, but I do like his commitment to honesty. His stance that isolating people with AIDS was cute too, but he backpedaled and apologized... wuss.

What's a great way to start the day? Superbad. Get's the blood going, and the cafeteria downstairs had Scrawberries(Strawberries for those who are lame) and that always spells a good day. But, I did forget my Chuck's at home. So since I have to stop there instead of driving straight to Richmond, I guess they cancel each other out. Dammit.

I was truly touched by the people that called my phone and either left texts or voicemail with concern. Nothing would have felt worse than getting my phone and only having 2 messages or something. I was touched, my friends and family all made me feel loved. But, apparently unless you live with me you wouldn't know I was dead when I do die. I gotta give my e-mail address out more I guess. They knew I was alive. Again, I love all of you that showed love. TRich cares.

How many people does it take to get a mic working for our open mic? No one knows cause a combination of at least 10 people taking a look at/tinkering with the mic couldn't get it done. Since I was a part of that tribe I feel like sometimes you just meet a mic that has more brains than you do. But there are stupider mics out there and we'll make those ones do what we want. Vengeance will be mine...

A man on Elliot in the morning called in with a story that shook me to the core. He told a story of being at a hockey game with his cousin, the story ended with fight. The problem was that he antagonized some guy into violence but didn't mention that his cousin was a state trooper. So the guy hits his cousin and off to jail we go. Since state troopers are always on call(or duty, whatever), that was a huge offense that landed him in the clink for..... drum roll please... 8, 8, 8 f@ckin years! How does that guy sleep at night?! He laughed at the end of his story, and all I thought about was the Devil laughing and holding his belly while poking some young sinner. What is wrong with our generation? :(

Well my scrawberries are just about gone so I guess I better get to work. Be good, the week is almost over. Laters

Monday, December 10, 2007

Am I dead?

It's been a week and I'm very relieved that today.... I get my phone back! Crazy week it has been. Monday- great showing from all you comics at the Spy Lounge, I hope we take advantage of these new rooms before they come down. Tuesday- Had a great time at the Funnybone, they like me, they really like me. There were several dates with MJ.... if you know me then put that sentence together. Went shopping for Tyler Richardson. I bought him a lot of clothes and because I dig that guy, I got him ROCK BAND! That kid deserves it.

Tomorrow it's back to the Funnybone cause there is gonna be a great show with Big Al Goodwin, Nick Cantone, Ray Bullock, Odyssey Michaels and.... wait, who the f@ck is Tyler Richardson? Oh well, he'll be there too I guess. If you're not doing anything on Sunday, I'll be back then too. I'm trying to make a habit out of performing here. We'll just see how that goes...

Today I finally bought a bottle of absinthe. Might I say that I am excited, but it sucks that I can't drink any of it until Thursday at the earliest, but don't some things deserve weekend exclusivity? Yep. I've even got that cool spoon on the back of the box.... "Hello Eurotrip!" I'm gonna kiss the green fairy everybody. By the way, if you don't know what it is, the look it up: http://www.wikipedia.com/

I wore a new Perry Ellis sweater for the first time and dare I say, I looked GOOD. That's all, sorry to be random Tony.

I'll talk to you on Wednesday, enjoy yourself and remember.... uh.. I got nothin'


Thursday, December 06, 2007

"Dude, this is not the way to the bar..."

So, Tuesday was cool, thanks again to the whole Funnybone crew for always making people feel right at home. Keith Irwin was there.... I hate you Keith, I kid(or do I secretly hate him? hmmmm...)
I am on day 3 without my cell phone now and life is silent, something is weird about not having a phone on you. Aside from the fact that if something that is even remotely an emergency, I just have to pray for a pay phone to be close by. I hate you Eli! I kid( or do I secretly hate Eli too? hmmm...) So let's take a trip down the road that people call "I'm F@cking LOST with NO cellphone!" Ahem:

1) Woke up early Wednesday since I had to drive back from Richmond and didn't want to sleep in on accident.

2) Hopped on the road and jumped into traffic, wasn't that bad at first...

3) Got to I-495 and saw a parking lot that spiraled into (what looked like) the sky :(

4) Decided that I'm never going to make it to work if I sit in that S#it... let's be smart about this.

5) Jump on I-395 and travel(without traffic) up towards the Pentagon... I know there is a way to cut over to Vienna from that area, but I'm looking for route 50 when I should have been looking for route 27... Uggg

6) Have to fill up my tank, I thought I could make it to work before I knew this would turn into such and adventure in babysitting.

7) Got a little lost in Alexandria, apparently they like to hide their gas station from the world a little bit. It's like a secret that only Alexandrians know of, so they can laugh when outsiders get stranded on the side of the road.

8) Back on the road again. Decide to go to Marymount cause I "think" remember how to get to work from there... I didn't

9) Lost. Now I'm in some suburb of Fairfax county and am physically exhausted by this point. I don't think I've ever sweared so much in my entire life. I found myself lost around Langley, and I don't work for the CIA.

10) I pulled over at a McDonald's and asked for directions, cause at this point I'm going 2 1/2 hours late. I kind Rastafarian tells me the wrong directions to get to route 123, I find that he put me in the opposite direction so after a little reverse action, I'm finally headed to work again.
11) Did I mention that I couldn't call and explain any of this to my boss, I'm just praying that they'll be as cool as they always are.
12) I make it to work and pulled the best "carskate" into a parking spot you've ever seen. I lost complete control and slide (with an audience) right into a PRIMO parking spot. Thank you, thank you.

That was my yesterday... I got to work around 11. I start at 8.

Hope you like the picture from Speed Racer that is above. Laters...

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

I believe in Santa Claus

Last night was certainly very cool. I dug everybody coming out and hope they continue to take advantage of what could be a great open mic for us all to hump into submission. So Kudos, let's do it again... shall we.

I woke up two hours early today, I wish I could die...Ugggggggggggggg!

Never let anyone use your cell phone ever. Because there is always a chance that you will forget about them holding it, then realize this after you're already too far to get it back. I feel so naked without my baby. But, on the positive side(cause there has to be one), it will allow me to truly be alone for awhile. I got a little drive-y-poo down to Richmond and nothing will be more fun that sitting in silence and watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia instead of being knee deep in some conversation. Yep.... though that reminds me that I gotta stop procrastinating on putting Frisky Dingo on my iPod. If you don't know what that is, google that S#it.

Finally introduced myself to a female that I've had many (way too) long stares with. I decided, let's play the strong silent type. And you know what? It feels phenomenal. Pimp Pimp Hooray!

If Haywood's laugh isn't invisible crack, then what is? Almost makes me wish I wasn't born a tenor, cause everyone could use a little Haywood in their voice... ladies back me up. But, for what I lack in the base in my voice, I make up for in rhythm. Who can Charleston like TRich?!

In the holiday spirit, allow me to give a little Christmas cheer:
I believe in Santa Claus
Like I believe in love
I believe in Santa Claus
And everything he does
There's no question in my mind
That he does exist
Just like love I know he's there
Waiting to be missed
I believe in Santa Claus
But there was a time
I thought I had grown to old
For such a childish rhyme
He became a dream to me
Till one Christmas night
Someone stood beside my bed
With a beard of white
"So you're too old for Santa Claus"?
He said with a smile
Then you're too old for all the things
That make a life worth while
For what is happiness but dreams and do they all come true
Look at me and tell me, son
What is real to you?
Just believe in Santa Claus
Like you believe in love
Just believe in Santa Claus
And everything he does
Wipe that question from your mind
Yes, he does exist!
Just like love you knows he's there
Waiting to be missed
Just like love I know he's there
Waiting to be be missed

If you didn't shed a tear for that memory of what Christmas was when you were a child, then you really don't get this whole beautiful holiday and what it's about.

Love, Laters....

Monday, December 03, 2007

Wasn't it just January?!

In case you haven't noticed, I have a huge thing for Heath Ledger's interpretation of the Joker. We haven't even seen it yet but it's already so evil, yet.... RIGHT, who wouldn't love it. There are a few more pictures that were released today but these two were my favorite. For more, feel free to travel to www.latinoreview.com they post'em first.
Today is the start of the Spy lounge's open mic. Hopefully there will be a good showing of comics eager to have one more stage in town, and we can give it a good little run. P.S.- Drink alcohol, owners like that type of thing. Maybe if we drink enough they will give us some kind of hook up to keep coming back... you never know.
I saw something that will lead me to make an appointment with my dentist on Saturday. It was a spot on my canine tooth, but behind the tooth. How you ask? Well even if my smile ain't perfect, you better believe that daddy is constantly monitoring that bad boy for any possible damage. I pray that this is something small, but my luck stinks...
I thought I ruined a new adventure in hitting on random girl at my job on Friday only to find some e-mails waiting for me when I got to my desk late this morning.... Ah, to be young. To explain what happened would take forever but I will abbreviate for yuns.
-Approached and began to "spit ma game"(I hate slang)
-Flirt went well while we decorated tree on fourth floor, we joked and she noticed that I slack a little if I can
-I emailed my name, cause it slipped my mind earlier... she e-mails back with laughter
-I propose a walk(this is where I messed up, but I'm impatient)
-After a while, I decide that I have too much to do. I walk over to her desk and explain that I'll need a rain check on the walk
-She's been working, so has NO idea what I'm talking about cause she never received the invitation for the walk
-I awkwardly say "Just pretend this conversation didn't happen"
-I come in today to e-mails like it didn't happen
.... In the end, we are right back on track. I hate being single.
I have way too much pride to go to the doctor's office for this; but I think I broke or have splints in 2 fingers due to Guitar Hero on Friday when I got home. It's the saddest thing I can think of, but I know when something don't feel right and it's like I got instant arthritis in my left hand. I was clearly rockin' a touch too hard.
Divine's was great on Sat. I had a lot of fun with Rob, Big Al Goodwin, and Jimmy Merritt. What can you say, except "Holy S#it, that's a lot of pimpin' in one place ain't it?!" And the answer is YEP.
Tomorrow it's off to Richmond. Clash of the comics... I hate competitions, but what can you do but hustle. At least next Tuesday is a normal show, I'm really lookin forward to that, but I figure it's about time I crush 1 competition. By the way, let me make this public til' someone proves me wrong "You are only allowed to participate in 2 showcases at the DC Improv" now it won't be a mystery like it was for me.
I'm gonna go work. Laters....

About Me

My photo
I blog during work to keep from sleeping. Unless people from my job are monitoring this, in which case "I love my job; I have a family". My dog Max is the man too. Other than that I think reading this blog gives a pretty good idea of what I'm about. Red Jell-o, need I say more.

My Blog List