Here is a little beauty that I call “The Family Guy Season Premiere”, you may refer to it as the funniest episode since the show came back. tp://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi2718892057/Enjoy people!
In other news, I found out it can take a man three days to find a stamp, an envelope and mail it. Why everything doesn’t deal in Internet transactions is anyone’s guess. I mailed the $#!T out of that letter though. Bought myself a Cherry Coke to celebrate.
I’d like to say I’m cleaning a bong right now, but I’m actually typing at my desk… yep.
Radical honesty is only dangerous to two types of people: The fats and the smellies. Everyone else doesn’t really stand to get their feelings hurt. Sadly, I think I could go on all day someone’s weight. Please don’t think less of me (assuming that’s possible), cause if you honestly can’t find humor in a fat joke I pity you. Just like the people who turn their nose (yeah, I used that phrase today) up at masturbation jokes. That’s always gonna be funny darn it.
What happened to people caring about people? Oh yeah, Timothy Dalton as 007. I lost hope back then too.
A whore won’t know she’s a whore until you slap her and give her a nickname. Just a little gem a hobo passed on to me, now I’m passing it on to you. Pay it forward.
You can’t dance if you’re in prison. Cause then they’ll see the tip of your d*ck through your jeans while you sway… and you don’t want that. Cause it’s sexy… to them.
For the remainder of the month I think I’ll refer to taking a “pee” as “shape shifting”. Oh it doesn’t make sense but imagine the fun.
Boss: Deaven the president is stopping by to ask some questions, where have you been?
Deaven: Shape shifting in the bathroom.
Boss: … I don’t understand you. May I speak to you in my office, or HR?
Bliss.
I picked up a hitchhiker yesterday. Had to kick them out though, they forgot their BJ bandanna.
I wouldn’t really pick up a hitchhiker… without a gun on me. Seriously, even if it was a really hot woman.
Last Friday I went to a baby shower that I got invited to. Nope, I’m not gay. This friend of mine has no idea what a terrible person I am and that I HATE CHILDREN. I got a nice gift though, but still felt completely out of place. It was almost as bad as when I agreed to go to The Rocky Horror Picture Show with Nelson. Those geeks screamed at the screen the ENTIRE movie, you couldn’t watch it if you tried. Not for me…
I wish I had a Baby Ruth bar, except I’m human. Who eats Baby Ruth bars besides Sloth?
Don’t punch a midget unless you want to be one.
I watched that Asian kid who was talking trash at Off theWall on Justin’s Blog. Do not touch that kid, you are bound to have funny thoughts sucked from your mind and raped. Just don’t touch him.
I can read! That might not be a big deal for you all, but that goes against everything my second grade teacher predicted for my unsuccessful future. Now to have consensual relations… no gun this time. Or trickery…
I’m getting ready to have lunch, read this 12x and comment one letter at a time. Unless it’s gonna be rude, you can say rude stuff in sentences. Examples:
Letter: I… l…o…v…e…y…o…u…T…R…i…c…h
Sentence: Tyler, you passed gas on my side while we were standing next to each other last night. My sweater smells like hundred year old wolf p*ssy! I don’t care for your comedy and I don’t care for the amount of dead child you had to eat to get my sweater to smell like that. Peaces- signed The Fowlest
Laters
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