“I don’t care what everyone else is doing you are the one that got sent to the principal’s office! If everyone got all jacked up and starting raping your father would join in?”
Will you be taking graduation pictures with your cap and gown on? “Nah, I’m a vampire. I don’t want to waste the money.”
Pimples within 6 inches of the penis are lesions.
Perfect examples of how times change as do tastes:
Werther’s Caramel was a POPULAR candy when are grandparents were children
Whoopi Goldberg had a love scene in all of her movies in the late 80’s and early 90’s
Terrorist ≥ Communists
Jack Black made comedies that weren’t for children: Shallow Hall, High Fidelity, etc…
Britney Spears was hot once
There weren’t CEOs named Shakwonda prior to the late 90’s, not sure if that’s good for blacks or sad cause we can’t make up prettier names
Before condoms were necessary men “pulled out” more effectively… what, it’s true
The Extinction of A Lady
It used to be a secret that big women were sexy, til someone ran their mouth
It used to be okay for women to wear shoes, everything wasn’t open-toed
The Beatles≥U2≥Oasis…. But there can be only one COLDPLAY!!!!
1950 Coca-Cola: $.10 2008 Coke: $1.35
Popular “come-on lines”: Then “Did it hurt? (what?) When you fell from heaven, did it hurt?” Now “Eh B*TCH!”
Booty calls vs. The late night “sex?” text to multiple people at once…
Benningan’s vs. Applebee’s
Being a video game enthusiast was once laughed at. Well eat $#!T losers, cause now video games are one of the only thriving, “recession proof”, businesses to be in. WOOT!
Hitting a girl because you like her vs. hitting a women because you love her
Pluto was a planet, once.
“What the hell is a library?”
A slave was freed from the Confederate States and immediately went and got a dog
An old white man is the underdog in a presidential election, yes.
We’ll stop there, I like how that swings. I know that we don’t live in the age of The Scarlet Letter, but I really think it would be great to brand women with children. For safety precautions.
Yesterday I slept through 98% of my commute to work. It was the scariest drive of my life cause I wanted to wake up and couldn’t.
Marry me Marissa Tomei. I know that the answer would be “no”, but I have to take a chance on love. That’s why we pray isn’t it?
Whenever you’re laughing uncontrollably, do what my friend told me he does: “I think about a new Steve Martin movie. It’s sad.”
People who sneeze “AHCHOO!” should be dragged into the street and sexed. That’ll learn’em.
I might have a story later but for now…