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Just as good as a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Easter dinner and the gay blind date...

I went to an interesting party of Friday night, what caught me off guard was that no one mentioned it would be completely filled with middle-eastern ethnicity. Which is no problem for me, but just imagine walking into a party and realizing everyone present is a werewolf. We don’t know whether or not werewolves would harm us without reason so take no offense if you enjoyed Slumdog Millionaire as much as the rest of the world. My point just being it’s a bit of a shock walking in and being surrounded. I’m not a fan of walking into all white places either though, I’m equal opportunity afraid. Best story of the night has to go to the loose woman with a gigantic star. Apparently she was in a couple with a friendly man who I’d found myself listening to. He says that shortly after they broke up she had a huge crush on some guy not giving her the time of day. The guy was a break-dancer, so she figured she might impress him with dance moves. Well… she pulled something crazy out and broke her arm. Worst part is that there was a pre med student there when it happened, he starts pulling on her arm in gross jerks trying to get it “back in the socket.” When people saw her later, after her hospital visit that next day, she had a great big scar running down the bicep. The guy she tried to impress did not give sympathy bone-age either. That’s what she gets for chasing a dream folks. She needed to settle for this very real “meat right here. Stop reaching for the stars all the time ladies, real men live on earth…

Nelson and I went to Wal-Mart on Saturday to get some random crap. The lady is front of us brought one thousand items to the only open Self Checkout lane available. I went to stand in another line where I felt we might leave before the sun set. My line won the race and I motioned him to get in my spot, I didn’t want anything from Wal-Mart (right then). When he took the spot a woman behind him started talking to the cashier… talking $#!T. I was trying to eavesdrop much, but she was so loud I felt like she was challenging me. I heard several words that made me eventually speak, these words: RUDE, JUST DON’T CARE ABOUT OTHERS, THAT’S HOW PEOPLE GET STABBED, BLACK SON OF A B*TCH (she didn’t actually say that, she was black, but “That’s how people get stabbed” was enough). I turned and said “Really Ma’am, you wanna be nasty and get into this right before Easter Sunday?” She laughed and said “Oh, I wasn’t talking to you dear, HE just cut right in front of me without saying anything and I was saying that was rude. I saw you signal over to him though, he shouldn’t be so in his own world cause that could cause some people to snap on him.” I was satisfied with the fact that she wasn’t talking about me. Nelson still wasn’t really paying attention cause though she was talking about him like he wasn’t there, he was never more than six inches away from her. Plus he was “kissing the sky” at the time… oh, to be young.

I downloaded a bunch of new songs yesterday. Most notably were Eminem’s We Made You- that song is one of the worst I’ve ever heard, 16 year old Tyler is crying for his old idol. WTF happened to you Eminem? Second was a plethora of Etta James songs… what of it? And, as Nelson found out yesterday, I remembered how much It’s Raining Men makes me laugh. Good times.

I have a regular move for avoiding people’s looks while using the bathroom in “the open.” I pretend to be tying my shoe and let it hang… that’s all the detail I’ll disgust you with. On Friday night I’m pretty sure people caught me. Which lead to a weird stand up and run away while someone called who was meeting me. I quickly ran into their car from the parking area and got the f out of there. Urinating, publicly anyway, used to be easier when I was a baby and people thought it was cute.

Which leads us to a very weird Easter dinner… I think my grandmother may have been trying to set me up on a gay date, that or she just wanted to warn me we would be dining with a homosexual. While describing what we would have for dinner she went into way too much detail about a friend of the family that was coming over. It kinda gave me a weird feeling, cause it reminded me of how you prepare a friend for a blind date. I asked her on the phone “Why do I care about this guest of yours, you’re giving me a lot of details aren’t you? Is he gay or something?” She replied that she was just making sure I would be social since I generally don’t speak to strangers (I don’t, what can I say, I just hate meeting new people). I relaxed and moved on with my day. Once there we ate a lot, we go downstairs so the family can watch Taken, guess who comes to dinner? A young gay man. Perhaps granny was right, because due to how that whole phone call went then he IS gay… I went upstairs until the movie was over. I blame granny more than him, all my mom could do was laugh at the uncomfortable silence that had befallen the basement. Yep, that was how my night went. How was yours?

I’m off next Tuesday, why? Because Monday 04/20/2009 could be an exciting day! I hear that Conway Twitty may come to Virginia and sign autographs. Not really, but I’m going to enjoy the day anyway.

If it’s been more than 10 years since you’ve heard Return to Innocence, go back and listen to what Enya gave to the early 90’s. Class, she gave it class.

Dragonball: Evolution made less than 5 million dollars last weekend. Meaning you could do a good amount of stretching while looking for a seat this weekend. It’s good, this was the only way that nerds like myself can communicate with movie studios like FOX. Don’t go see the movie, don’t even rent it. Make them earn it, I’m not going to tell you where to download it, but that weak $#!T Nelson is watching it that way. Boo Dragonball: Evolution, boo.

Gotta snuggle up to some knowledge real quick but I’ll be back tomorrow.

Peaces

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I blog during work to keep from sleeping. Unless people from my job are monitoring this, in which case "I love my job; I have a family". My dog Max is the man too. Other than that I think reading this blog gives a pretty good idea of what I'm about. Red Jell-o, need I say more.

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