Well, let’s start this Boosday (get it, because Tuesdays suck) off with an image that Sean Paul gave me that tickled me all yesterday. Imagine you’re stuck in traffic on I-395 and right when you’re ready to scream from how bananiac our traffic can get you catch a glimpse of beast coming up on the shoulder. It’s a polar bear, just like the kind featured in The Golden Compass, meaning he is decked out in body armor. As he gallops toward your vehicle you notice that somebody is riding this polar bear… Sean Paul Ellis. He’s on the bear’s back and pointing a sword with tears in his eyes. “Where the hell is that maniac going? Why is he riding a bear? And WHY is he traveling faster than me on back of a bear?!” Ah, if I was an artist I would draw that, because that’s good stuff. Moving on to our regularly scheduled fun…
On Saturday a bunch of comedians witnessed some hot white girl knee her boyfriend in the balls outside the Drafthouse. Then he laughingly called him a p***y and told him she would kiss it and make it all better. There is no way he would’ve walked away that easy if he were the one kneeing her ovaries into her jacket pockets. Double standards, gotta love’em.
The Girl Scouts better get out on the streets and start moving that product. If I have to ask one more person about Tagalongs I’m gonna slap somebody. “But Mister, I’m not a girl scout.” (throws the money at the little girl) I don’t care, gimme those cookies, I’m tired of playing with you people. There’s nothing funny about treating a Girl Scout like a prostitute. But if she can’t move all that product I will snitch to her pimp and watch them smack her around. Girl Scout moms don’t play, it’s for a good cause.
After 2 PM I’ll be alone working in my section. I have to say I’m pretty pissed that everyone else found some reason to leave early and I’m the only one going for perfect attendance. Uh oh, I’m almost out of Haterade. That was so corny I hope someone cracked a smile.
Yesterday my supervisor gave me a piece of bread from another country. When she brought it to me I imagine the look on my face was like a child’s when you try to make them eat vegetables. “No, it’s yucky.”
Valentine’s Day is around the corner. I received a slightly dirty e-mail yesterday and it just reminds me how great it is that I don’t have to do $#!T for this phoney holiday. Viva la single life!
24 was purely Mantastic last night! May Jack Bauer drink the blood of his enemies and smoke the terrorism right off their meat for a BBQ. I don’t know what we will do on Mondays when Keifer calls it quits. Do we catch up on our Monday Night Raw?
My favorite part about wearing earbuds all the time is that you can tell I’m not open for conversation. While this does cause you not to hear big breasted women say “hello” in the morning, it also lets me listen to my Weezy in peace. It’s all about snackrifice.
If I were white I’d want my name to be Santa, because he’s my favorite white man. Asian, I’d go with Ling, because that tickles me. And if I were middle eastern I would go with Jesus, because he’s my favorite one.
I hate cheery people in the morning.
When is the last time you ate a marshmallow?
What happened to Big Johnson shirts? Is there some guy who’s whole shirt wardrobe went out of style in an instant back in 99’? I guess the same thing probably happened to the dude that always had the newest Fubu jersey when it came out.
Today I shaved. That is all, I’m just proud I’m a man.
I’m learning that he who finishes his work first is not rewarded. He just gets given more of his team’s work and gets a mention in a meeting. I’m working at a lot more of a medium pace now. Hooray.
That Bruce Willis/ Tracy Morgan movie Cop Out looks terrible. That’s probably because it’s a Kevin Smith movie. It hurts me not to see a Bruce Willis movie, but I’m sure the bored Sunday will come when it comes on HBO.
Got to get back to my medium pace now, I’ll be seeing you.
Peaces
After 2 PM I’ll be alone working in my section. I have to say I’m pretty pissed that everyone else found some reason to leave early and I’m the only one going for perfect attendance. Uh oh, I’m almost out of Haterade. That was so corny I hope someone cracked a smile.
Yesterday my supervisor gave me a piece of bread from another country. When she brought it to me I imagine the look on my face was like a child’s when you try to make them eat vegetables. “No, it’s yucky.”
Valentine’s Day is around the corner. I received a slightly dirty e-mail yesterday and it just reminds me how great it is that I don’t have to do $#!T for this phoney holiday. Viva la single life!
24 was purely Mantastic last night! May Jack Bauer drink the blood of his enemies and smoke the terrorism right off their meat for a BBQ. I don’t know what we will do on Mondays when Keifer calls it quits. Do we catch up on our Monday Night Raw?
My favorite part about wearing earbuds all the time is that you can tell I’m not open for conversation. While this does cause you not to hear big breasted women say “hello” in the morning, it also lets me listen to my Weezy in peace. It’s all about snackrifice.
If I were white I’d want my name to be Santa, because he’s my favorite white man. Asian, I’d go with Ling, because that tickles me. And if I were middle eastern I would go with Jesus, because he’s my favorite one.
I hate cheery people in the morning.
When is the last time you ate a marshmallow?
What happened to Big Johnson shirts? Is there some guy who’s whole shirt wardrobe went out of style in an instant back in 99’? I guess the same thing probably happened to the dude that always had the newest Fubu jersey when it came out.
Today I shaved. That is all, I’m just proud I’m a man.
I’m learning that he who finishes his work first is not rewarded. He just gets given more of his team’s work and gets a mention in a meeting. I’m working at a lot more of a medium pace now. Hooray.
That Bruce Willis/ Tracy Morgan movie Cop Out looks terrible. That’s probably because it’s a Kevin Smith movie. It hurts me not to see a Bruce Willis movie, but I’m sure the bored Sunday will come when it comes on HBO.
Got to get back to my medium pace now, I’ll be seeing you.
Peaces
2 comments:
@Tyler - My step brother had an entire collection of those Big Johnson t-shirts. I used to giggle every time he wore one.
I was wearing ear buds today at work and it wasn't enough to prevent people from talking to me. I'm going to start wearing sun glasses.
Please let "medium pace" be an Adam Sandler reference.
@SPE - Every picture you take cracks me up, stop it.
I feel your pain, people experiment with talking to me when I'm listening to music some days. Perhaps they think we're really not listening to anything and just practicing sound deprivation.
I'm glad that someone remembers (and possibly still listens to, as I do) Adam Sandler's CDs. They were genius.
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