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Friday, December 29, 2006

Hello everybody

It has been a little while since I stopped by to chat for a few seconds. How are you? (fine) great, and how was your Christmas? (fine and thanks for asking, how was yours) as expected it was pretty awesome and I spent a lot of time with family. My mother who has been divorced for most of my life, recently got engaged. It's a little weird for me to picture because it's been me and her for most of my life, but on the flip side he does have a lot of money and that combined with the fact that she's not doing too bad herself make me very happy. Happy for them, but mostly for my sister who is 10 years old. She gets to be one of those rich black kids that I wished I was all the way through high school. I tip my hat to that. Me, on the other hand, I'm just the older son that he really won't have to put up with. But, he did get a 24 pack of Miller Lite for me at a party they threw before Christmas, so I like him. Plus, he got my mother(who is perfectly content with a 32" TV and basic cable with dial-up internet) to get DirecTV and DSL internet, and now there's talk of LCD screens in the future. I love this man. Now if I can just get him to let me borrow his Corvette for the weekend, I'll call him Dad. For that weekend.
How are you comedians these days. I haven't been out too much the past week or two. It's been busy, but I imagine that most people have been running ragged. Thank goodness that it's over now. And, I really look forward to the possibilities and opportunities that this new year offers. I really hope to achieve some goals, comedy wise, that make me a better comic, and get work. Who knows, I might even give running an open mic a try. But, I want to make sure that I do it right if I'm going to do it at all.
I had a big bowl of Gumbo last night, and let me tell you that it's calling. Let me satisfy this beast and we'll do this again sooner than later. Like Monday. Laters everyone....

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

At last.... my love has come along.

At last my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song

Ohh yeah yeah
At last
the skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you

I found a dream, that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known

Ohh yeah yeah…
You smile, you smile
oh And then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
for you are mine....
At Last


Just felt like I should finish the lyrics. Well I finally got a video of newer material on my computer. Hope it makes a few minutes better for you. And, if you hate it, cause it's your right to... that wasn't me.



Laters.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Lizards aren't just for kids...... anymore!

So I did the Laughing Lizard on Saturday and it was cool. Not one of my better performances of the last couple months but it was okay. Interestingly enough, I was talking about how at the last time I had to pick an order number I picked first(Improv Feb.06) and then as I laughed in retrospect... I drew 1st again. Took it like a man. Tried to rock it like a sexy man but these things happen. So, the coolest part was probably just all the cool ass cats hanging out there. Let's go through a list(drum roll please):
Kojo Mante
Larry Poon
Aparna
Andy Haynes
The Beautiful Tyler S.
Marshall Henry
John McBride
Jacob Young(with the sexiest hat known to man)
and Tyler R.(yeah, I threw myself in cause the list was looking slim)
So where to now? Don't know, I guess I'll see where the wind blows me. Let's see now... Last week was Kazaam night so maybe I can be sexy at Soho tonight, maybe. We'll see what Gears of War has to say about that. Laters....

Friday, December 15, 2006

Buffalo Wings!!!

So, last night I went to Herndon. Saw a lot of people that I hadn't seen in a while since I stopped going to Wiseacres. I bombed I guess; I only use I guess since there were comedians sitting in front of me and everyone else was at the bar talking and certainly not giving me the time of day. I'm not the kind of person who passes off not grabbing attention just because there are nothing but comedians in the room. I find that even comedians are people and they should laugh if your funny enough. So it doesn't really matter who you are, if the person on stage has done what they came to do, you laughed. Did not happen for me last night though. Perhaps I was just having an off night. Plus, I got lost for about a half an hour before I got there. But I left really early just in case. To give a good example of someone who did perform at a level I wish I had let's use Seaton Smith. He came, did what he do, the walked off the stage a conqueror. RESPECT.
On a different note: Last night I had the opportunity to talk to Clay Miles after a long time of not speaking. Not really important if you don't know what happened, but he was a big man last night and I respect that. Not everyone can forgive, so it kinda caught me off guard. Oddly enough, we were conversating on working through bombing right before I got onstage and went Ass to Ass. Destiny maybe. Oh, by the way I had some sex last night... moving on. Saturday will be hopping over at the Laughing Lizard, man that was corny but you get the picture. Just go, it doesn't even start til' 10pm-ish. Let's just say 10:30-ish... Just go. Maybe the drunk girl will be there foaming at the mouth with date rape drug and gimmesome. Could happen... Laters

Thursday, December 14, 2006

It starts...

Well, it's Thursday and here we are again. I have the pleasure of going to the Buffalo Wings House(I think that's the name, but I could be off by a word or two) and it should be fun. Rob has really done this whole open mic thing pretty well I must say. Locations seem nice and ready, I repeat, ready for comedy. And that my friends is what is most important to me. They say that a paid show and open mic audience are completely different and laughs will always be harder when they paid to laugh; probably the truth, but I'll take a crowd that's damn close to it. I'm looking very forward to 2007, it should be a cool year. One thing that I need to change is my need to drink when I'm out at a place that serves CERVEZA. It's denting the pockets and now I find myself budgeting for said beer. That's a sign of alcoh... know what, no it's not.(Denial) Don't know what it is but the milk shakes from McDonald's give me horrible... well you know what they do to people who are lactose intolerant. Only problem is that to the best of my knowledge, I'm not lactose intolerant. Problem. I've finally thought of what my website's name will be and feel free to let me know what you think www.funnynegro.com, I like it and think that quick line gets my sense of humor across in a very blunt way. Well, I gotta go, but stay sexy people. Laters...

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Monday at Soho...

Well, in keeping with Murphy's law, I went to Soho on Monday and it was Kazaam night. Well... I did get to soak up the free comedic stylings of Doug Powell, Andy Haynes, Rory Scovel, Jay Hastings, Kojo Mante, Chris Barylick, and any other comic who's name escaped me. But then it got really cold so I went home. Nothing happened on Tuesday, but tomorrow it's off to Rob Maher's new room in Sterling. We'll see how they take me and I'll report on Friday. Just to get it in everyone's mind, I'll be at the Lizard on Sat. and so will Poon, Tyler S., Marshall Henry, Rory, and lots more. Be prepared people, be prepared....

Monday, December 11, 2006

Determination.... and Christmas Time!

Determination in the title of the blog is cause I have to get off my ass and go to Soho tonight. I put it off week after week, but today "I'm there".

Okay, so I had a Christmas party for work on Saturday night. It was interesting. Very lonely though and probably cause this was the first time that I've been to one alone. I can't say that I recommend it. I did get hit on by the loveliest young woman, but that's not what I came there for so I did the bitch thing and walked away.(don't care if you believe it, cause it happened) I did have a lot to drink though. Like 10 beers and 3 apple martinis. Oh the appletinis! I had one in my hand the entire night. Like a black slightly more attractive Dean Martin. Love it, cause it takes a strong man to drink what he likes when everyone who sees him breaks into laughter and homophobic jokes. But, you know me, I'm not gay so they bounce right off me. All in all I had an okay time and then proceeded to get smashed even when the party was done. YOU KNOW! Okay let's do the rundown of the week: Go! Tonight-SOHO...Thursday-Rob Maher has a new room in Herndon, there should be Buffalo Wings or their name is completely misleading...Saturday-checking out the Lizard cause Tyler S. runs it, and this will be the first time I'll have gotten to see Rory since coming back. Laters, and I hope to see you all around...

Thursday, December 07, 2006

So this is Thursday, huh?

Hello... it's been a while. Let me get serious on you for a minute. I saw Freedomland and feel compelled to get people to see it. I think that in a time when missing white children get so much media attention and little black children get so little, we needed a movie like this. It's eye-opening because it's so true to life. I just watched it because it had Samuel L. Jackson and Jullianne Moore, but was quickly drawn in to the story. Just watch it people. Just watch it.
If I may I would like to introduce the world to song lyrics that are of a caliber that you really don't see these days...
Well, it was one of those days -- not much to do
I was chillin downtown, with my old school crew
I went into a store -- to buy a slice of pizza
And bumped into a girl, her name was mona -- what?
Mona lisa (what? ) *singing* mona lisa, so men made you..
Youknowhatimsayin? so I said, excuse me, dear
My gosh, you look nice!
Put away your money
Ill buy that slice!
She said, thanks - Id rather a slice of you
Im just kidding, but that's awfully nice of you
The compliment showed she had a mind in her
And when I smiled (ping!) I almost blinded her
She said, great scott! are you a thief?
Seems like you have a mouth full of gold teeth
Ha-ha, hah! had to find that funny
So I said, no child, I work hard for the money
And calling me a thief? please! dont even try it (right!)
Sit down eat your slice of pizza, and be quiet
She almost got cut short -- you know, scissors
She tried to disrespect who? ! the grand wizard
Me! well whats your name, son?
Mc ricky d, but not to be so harsh I said to mona li-hee
Im.. sorry and I know thats low class (uhh, yeah)
Please sit, and tell me a little about your past
She said, well I got courage, and I dont like porridge (uh-huh)
Ive never been to college, but Ive got crazy knowledge (uh-huh)
Over eighteen and my eyes are green (uh-huh)
I wear more gold than that man on a-team (uh-huh, uh-huh)
Trim, slim, (yeah) and Im also light skinned
Best believe monas a virgin
A virgin? ! honey needed a slap
She tried to tell me shes a virgin -- with her yea wide gap
I said, it dont matter, see, Im not picky (word)
Let me spell my name out for you, its ricky:
R -- ravishing
I -- impress
C -- courageous; so careless
K -- for the kangols which Ive got
That I wear everyday and
Y -- why not?
To fights not right that I recite and im..
Quite polite like walter cronkite
Well, just about then, trevor my friend came in
He said, hey rick, dont you know playin with these snakes is a sin? !?
He grabbed me by my shirt and pulled me right out the store
He said, I dont want to see you playin with these lowlifes no more!
Now come along, we have a party to attend
With some real mature women and some more of her friends
He hailed down a cab and he waited for a minute
And as the cab came, he thrusted me in it!
And as we were leavin and drivin along
I could hear a melody as mona sang a song

(excerpt from walk on by [d. warwick])
If you see me walking down the street
And I start to cry.. each time we meet..
Walk on by.. walk on by..
Foolish pride
Thats all that I have left, so, let me hide
The pain and the hurt that you gave me
When you said goodbye..
You walked on by..


If you've never really heard the man rap then you have no idea what this whole genre called HIP-HOP is all about. Don't be afraid to get on Limewire(or pay for it) and get some tracks. If even one person listens then I feel I've done my job as an avid Slick Rick fan. If you grow to love it too, JUST PAY IT FORWARD! Show the world that people need to stop leaving him off their lists of the greatest rappers of all time. KRS-ONE is the only rapper that I've seen on television that remembered and put the man in his list.
Back on Comedy for a second... I will be at ROB MAHER's Buffalo Wings open mic next Thursday. In January I actually got a spot at Soho(so I'm actually going, I just can't stand always going and never knowing if I'll get on, so kill me). Gotta send out my tape for consideration of the DCComedy Fest 07'. Let me repeat that when I sent in a tape this summer for the Drafthouse competition, they told me that there were too many big names that entered. To that I have to say "There is no way your telling me that 30+ people in the area are that much funnier than me. Tyler Richardson should be somewhere on that list damnit. He's Tyler." I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't have somewhat of an ego, come on folks! But, I will tell you that one of the more humbling moments that I had all week was when a co-worker looked over my shoulder as I was reading Danny Rouhier's blog. He asked why I was reading and I said "this guy's big in the area and I like to see what he's got to say." They replied with "Look at all the people on his list of links, why aren't you on there?" .... That was about all I could say. Humbling. Laters Folks.

Monday, December 04, 2006

A play on Saturday...

Well, Saturday night I went to my good buddy Nelson's play at Marymount University. It was pretty awful. I love him and he entertains me without really having to say anything, but wow was I eager to leap out of a window.... but there wasn't a window. The part that upset me most was that people were pretending to shot themselves in the audience and sleeping. Then some of them started to get up and leave, but the thing that upset me most was that as they walked past me, I was still there. It was about an hour and a half of some chunky girl and Nelson READING from the script. They got away with this because the whole play was supposed to be them reading letters from each other throughout their entire lives. While they did skip some years, everyone found themselves hoping that these two character would just die already. But, instead of one of them getting hit by a bus or something we had to wait for the female to commit suicide. But, most of the fun of the evening took place after the show...
I was told that there was a guy that Nelson hated. Nelson has gone into graphic detail expressing how badly he would like to hurt this man, but you can kind of shrug it off since Nelson always goes into extremely graphic detail about anything he doesn't like. He's a little(more like a lot) over the top that way. But I still love him. I'm not perfect. Back to the bad guy. So, Nelson told me that there was this 21 year old guy that did the play with him and this kid was apparently a DOUCHE. But, the worst part was that this kid had the worst hair line I've ever seen. It was kind of sad, but Nelson did a pretty accurate job of describing this monstrosity before I even got there. Let's just say that when he's older he's either going to have the worst comb-over on the planet, or he'll have enough laughter in his direction that he'll shave it and become the UBER dork that God meant for him to be. I pray for the first one. When the play was over and everyone mingled, I made it a point to loudly bash this man's appearance. Not because I had to, but Nelson told me in advance that the kid needed to hear some serious shit talking and I'll do anything for a friend. But, when the cast went back to take the stage apart, the kid's family took my breathe away. The told him to pose and the made a yelp that you would expect the Jihad to make before a sacrifice. It was awkward and everyone who could hear it left the room immediately. Seriously. It was one of the weirder moments of 2006 for me. Oh, by the way, I di not go to New York, so no story there. And as for yesterday, well if you own Gears of War.... you understand.
I have to quit smoking. I got to work and was standing(not talking to) next to this guy when I noticed that his breathe was horrible. It really smelled like a man with shit on his feet was just dancing away in the back of his throat. So, minutes later I couldn't help but notice that I was still catching whiffs of this hideous smell. Then the truth sunk in. On this day, that bad breathe must belong to me. I just brushed and Scoped, how can this be? Doesn't matter, cause I guess that ciggy that I had on the way to work crushed that good breathe feeling and then had sex with it's girlfriend. So, now I have to go to the store and get more gum than any man can chew. I'll be damned if I'm gonna be that guy.
Congrats, to Erin Jackson. She not only deserves to win Baltimore's Funniest Comedienne, but she was the first person who I asked advice to and she had no problem reaching out to a newbie and giving some incite. So kudos to her and I'm sure there are much bigger things to celebrate in her future.
Well folks, that might have to do it for today. Laters....

About Me

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I blog during work to keep from sleeping. Unless people from my job are monitoring this, in which case "I love my job; I have a family". My dog Max is the man too. Other than that I think reading this blog gives a pretty good idea of what I'm about. Red Jell-o, need I say more.

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