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Just as good as a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich.

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Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Let's go to Richmond


Today I woke up and headed into traffic at 5:30 am, normally I don't leave home til' 7 so this is a "great" way to start the day. Plus, I fought a doupe the whole way up the interstate. My office is having a pot luck thing and I brought ice cream. Maybe I'm just weird, but since most of that food was for LUNCH, why would a couple of people that don't feel like paying for breakfast decide to just dig in. No one has been able to touch my ice cream yet, and that's a good thing cause I would smack their hands like a nun. "Can I have some chicken Tyler?"- supposed random douche bag; "No, N#gga it's 8:30 in the morning. Go downstairs and have yourselves some pancakes.... oh, and Happy Halloween. Hey somebody brought Honey Baked Ham?! Sweet..." Cause in the end I'm a huge hypocrite. And, a huge fan of HBH, but sadly there is none to be had today. Sadness
Apparently(cause it on every headline), officials have caught a kid that is personally responsible for one of the(14?)15 wildfires that took place in California. And, now like a guy that does an unattractive female with "bare feet", this kid's life is forever changed. That's why I keep declining to buy anything from all these parents trying to get their kid more sales in a fundraiser. Let they kill people, God, they kill people.
Is it necessary for every female that wants people to think she's sexy to be the devil for Halloween?! Grow up and post nudes of yourself online like all the other bad girls. Otherwise it's just a waste of my time. Hi Mommy.
Today, if looks could kill I certainly would have killed Charlie. He tries too hard to make me laugh, and that just irritates me. I've used the phrase "Charlie, I'm not child" at least 50 times in the last week. Somebody told him he was Bill Cosby, and then they left town. Now I'm stuck, an innocent bystander, and made to suffer while he laughs about it in upstate NY. It's like the Carlos Mencia thing, everyone seems to love the guy, but I(and some others, but let's face it, we're outnumbered) don't find him funny. The women in my section think Charlie is funny but every time he dances past my cubicle and says "It's THAT time PLAYA..LOL..I'm bout to make it Doo what it Doo! You got a magazine on ya PLAYA? {No Charlie, you ask me 8 times a day and it's always no.} Oh well, HA HA, I'ma find one pimp. Know wha I'm sayin?" The first few times I heard this, I really didn't mind. In fact I probably chuckled the first couple. Now, I bite my lip a little, remember I'm at work, and try to ignore it. But, the problem is the same as it was back in elementary school. Parents tell their children to ignore bullies and they will go away, they seem to forget that most of them have nothing better to do than see just how long you can avoid them. That's what I'm working with, but not really.
In reference to the movie Mr. Brooks, "When did William Hurt become one of the most deliciously evil actors of all time?" Everyone is raving about Kevin Costner, but Hurt is the one that makes him worth watching. Watch the movie and you'll understand. That's good S%it!
Richmond today, New York next Wednesday... I gotta start traveling on weekends.
My mother wanted me to take my sister to a Hannah Montana concert that she got her tickets to. I think I can imagine what that scene looks like and, well, "Have you ever seen a sad clown?" I passed.
I'm gonna go catch up on some much deprived sleep... oh, and work, so I'll have MUCH more to report tomorrow. Laters....

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

When you're smiling...


Sunny times, huh? I can't think of anything better than when someone heads out into the cold when it's sunny, only to get the expression knocked off their face by the bitter cold. Good times.

Tyler has a new video for our "Tyler vs. Tyler" show. It's my personal favorite cause we had a really fun time at Burger King filming it. Notice the well defined chin of TRich, if you will. Without further ado...



Hopefully, you'll enjoy too.


I'm going to try a little experiment, without saying what I hope will happen, I'll just say I'm going to finally put my links back up. It's been a long time since I did it, and we'll see if my experiment works. If you know what I'm implying, don't share the answers with others...


My nameplate at work, is heavy enough to commit homicide with. But, I feel important when I grip it like a killer and stalk around the cubicles at work. Yep, I'm that creepy guy who gets bored and scares people while they work. Oddly enough, they do it too. Weirdos.


I saw an SUV on the road today that troubled me. He had a sticker that said "Secession.... Just do what's right!" which is fine, but he had a RESCUE SQUAD license plate?! Is this bigot gonna be the only one around when I finally choke on a huge piece of Moussaka, and then not help me.

Guy: Oh my God, someone help. That guy is choking!

Rescuer: I got cha', point him out.

G: That guy right there, the one choking.

R: I... don't... think so. He's a chocolate, let his God sort that out.

G: You a monster buddy.

R: white power...

And, the whole time I'm die while flipping him the bird. For every racist that learns CPR, and angel loses it's wings. Fact.


I've given some serious thought to running over the Fowlest( J Jerkin' ). That's all, I just wanted to share that.


I realized, thanks to the females in my section, that the woman I make eyes with every morning(she's a 10) is definitely in her 30's. I want her even more now. As long as she ain't got kids. I just can't be somebody's Daddy. I don't even like to cook for myself, who's gonna feed him. Unfortunately, I have nothing to say to her. I froze today when the opportunity to say "hi" arose, and then we just smiled and walked apart. Not many beautiful women, notice I didn't say girls(18-26), are going to give you the time of day just cause you told them they were the most perfect thing you've ever seen. We need something truly great to say and some of the really fine ones just knock that out of me. Tomorrow I'm determined to speak though, and I'll give an update that will hopefully rhyme with "she threw me"... yeah, it's a Tuesday.


Well, I better get to eating my lunch and stuff(work). I've been having so much fun with the pictures every morning that I've been thinkin' of a video blog. I don't want it to seem like I'm jocking Schlegel though, feel free to let me know how you feel about that. And who is reading this from Woodbridge, VA. Show yourself, and give me Ice Cream. Laters...

Monday, October 29, 2007

It ain't cold outside


The weather is beautiful, the sun is shining and all that you need to know about yesterday was that "I had a stuffed crust pizza and spaghetti". Needless to say, I am becoming very good friends with the toilet this morning. But, sometimes you gotta stuff yourself. I started working out again for the first time in about 5 years and this is a reward to me... plus I haven't had spaghetti in forever. I guess that's because I don't cook.


Apparently women don't like it when you fall asleep while you're supposed to be chillin/on a date. I only know this cause I've done it twice to two different women and the response from both was not joy. They seemed a little upset and perhaps I won't see one again. Which leads me to Friday night. Jermaine and I..... excuse me, The Fowlest and I(that's better) went to Wiseacres where he did some time and I got to know the waitress better. I had super nachos(which come into play later in the weekend), and the headliner was really cool... Brian Unger I'm pretty sure. Great guy to talk to and then everyone went to a bar and invited J Jerkin'(The Fowlest) and the random black guy that was with him(me) out with them. There was no time for that though cause we were supposed to meet some young lovelies at the theater and see Saw 4. The movie started late, like 12:15, and I'm not the spring chicken or club rat that most might assume by the look of my buttocks... ahem. On a crazy note, I don't know if Keith the comedian is dating this girl that we met at Marymount U., but he just popped up at the movies and scared the S#it out of us. I believe the instant line from both of our mouths was "what the F2ck is Keith doing here?!... Hey Keith." I love Keith, I just didn't expect to see him, and especially not so pimped out with stunna shades on and dime on his right. Pimp on. I saw the first 5 minutes, ate some movie nachos(I ate like a fat man all weekend), fell asleep, woke to a knife killing, slept again, woke and the movie was over and said goodnight. Then we went home and proceeded to hand J Jerkin' the Guitar Hero butt-stomping that he so rightfully deserved.


Saturday I was lucky enough to take Jermaine to the station at almost the same time an accident went down. I wouldn't normally celebrate some one's death, but I drove back from Springfield to see that there was a parking lot on I-95 where I just came from. Sweet. I drank beer all day til' it was time to go to Ned Devine's. Rob Maher, Seaton Smith, Me... need I say more. Here is where the Super Nachos from Wiseacres come into play again. I could NOT stay out of the bathroom and I hate using public bathrooms. It got to the point that someone had the door open and wide open... even that didn't slow me down. I just started goin, not one of my better battles, and anyone who knows me knows what type of S$it it had to be for me to be in there at least 5 times that night... moving on to the comedy. The 6 people paying 100% attention were awesome, the 20 people in the back that were stoked about the lame outfits they had on... not so much. I felt like I did okay for what I was working with, but that ain't sayin much. Seaton commanded the room and got the attention of the people in the back by talking to them. I don't know why that didn't occur to me, but then again one of the first words out of his mouth was making fun of the one black guy with them. He had a sense of humor about it, but with my luck if I had spoke, he would have gone into a roid rage monkey fit. Can anyone see me gettin' S#it thrown at me while I'm askin' who has a PS3?

Rob Maher lives like a FAT RAT! That's all I will say cause I don't want anyone following him and jacking his stuff. I'm jealous, I didn't want to leave so I came up with a plan. I trick Rob and his roommates into throwing a party. I fall down the stairs and break my neck, here comes the genius... instead of suing I tell them to clear out a room and just let me live there. Forever, plus they had Guitar Hero, get the F$ck out of here.

Can't wait for Wednesday, I'll explain on Thursday cause damned if I'm gonna jinx this...


I look good today. Sorry, I just do.


Well, time to live out the rest of this day. Have a great Monday and let's get the hell to Tuesday. Laters....

Friday, October 26, 2007

Friday AGAIN?!


What's not to love about this picture? I figured in the spirit of this weekend, you might as well "Keep your pimp hand strong". Stay careful everyone and I'll see you on Mondeezy. Laters....

Thursday, October 25, 2007

I exist, therefore I watch UFC!!!




I'm just excited cause for some reason I have the huge urge to watch the Ultimate Fighter when I get home(everyday this week), but tonight I finally get to see it instead of settling for something UFC non-Ultimate Fighter. You would think that when people get to fight at the end of every episode, that it would be no big deal for them to just get in an argument and then beat the Christ out of each other. But, apparently Dana White(owner) doesn't want people to think that these men are just monster's all jacked up on Roids or something... but who cares. We watch to see them fight, I could care less about their families, KILL SOMEONE.


Every once in a while, you get caught in one of the most disgusting situations possible. It's pretty awkward for you and if you're like me, you have no idea how to bring it to some one's attention. Today, I was standing too close to Charlie(co-worker, who luckily doesn't {possibly can't} read), and I caught a whiff of the nastiest morning breath I have encountered since the 7th grade. I love the guy but I disoriented me, and it was like I was high for a second. It started cause he laughed, and now I'm on a mission to never say anything even remotely funny when I'm around him for the rest of the day. I will punch myself in the stomach if I catch myself using even the slightest of wit when he's around today. I can hold back for one day.... surrrrrre. Moving on....


Does anyone care about the wildfires in the news? I don't mean to be insensitive in case you have family or CLOSE friends that are experiencing hardships. I just don't give a F%$k.


Of course I have to put up this clip of the 23-year-old woman from WV who was held hostage for several days. She describe the things that took place with such ease it's funny to me.... she drank urine. Just one of the things that took place, I don't want to ruin them all for you, but it's a though I was telling the story. That's how removed she was, but without further ado(remember to search "Torture victim details Horrific ordeal")....
http://www.potomacnews.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=WPN/HTMLPage/WPN_HTMLPage&c=HTMLPage&cid=1149188306363


I secretly listen to more of Chris Brown's music then I will ever admit to publicly... but will deny it up and down.




In case someone wonders why Frank Sinatra in pictured in this blog it's because I was listening to him all morning and since he's on my mind I thought maybe everyone should take a second and think of him. The man was monumental and I could give a sh#t about what type of guy he was, he was an entertainer. We miss you Frankie, and most of us didn't even know you.


I'm thinking I might go see The Nightmare Before Christmas, since I can't go buy it on DVD since they re-released it on IMAX this year. So, I wait, or I go and live out the wishes of the little 10 year old inside me and take my behind to the IMAX. Maybe I'm just weird but IMAX does not suit movies, it's too big. You gotta move your head just to watch the star programs and stuff, why do I want to move my head around for a feature film... 3 hours of moving. I'm still giving it some thought for The Dark Knight(Batman 2) but I'll probably just go to the normal theater. Though I must admit, the thought of dressing up like the Joker is really crossing my mind. I'd do it for Halloween, but I have plans already that don't really permit that.
Well, I guess I'll catch you all tomorrow. Laters...

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

DC Comedy: Me Love You

The reason for the title has to due with an interesting blog i came across at http://dccomedy4now.blogspot.com/
Look for the one that says "Bill Burr, I apologize.." I don't really know those guys, and lord know I'm not gonna talk trash, but it took a pair of brass ones for Mike Metz to speak up for himself after a stranger dogged him like that.... RESPECT. The comments were the most interesting part, they're not to be missed if you took the time to read through that whole blog. Moving on to this blog...

I couldn't help but notice that people are tuning in now, so that's why I titled this with curiosity. Now that I do, I will try to do a better job of making this easy to understand( Mr. Poon has brought to my attention that sometimes I have a tendency to read like Dr. Seuss... but without rhyming)( Hey Larry)

Apparently, rainy days cause traffic to slow down without accidents. If I'm going to be 2 hours late to work, the least I deserve is to see an Ambulance speed by every ten minutes and a dead body in the middle of the road every once in a while. That's not asking much, "would you want to see a solid 3 hours of previews without a movie eventually coming on?" Course not, Course not.


Despite all the bad things being said about Britney Spears, let me take her defense, and not the same way that (CLEARLY) gay kid did on YouTube. Yes, we know she's a horrible parent. Yes, it's true that apparently she has a drug problem. She's a little prone to acts of crazy such as:

-Marrying a random white guy in Vegas; she would annul this about 30-something hours later

-Marrying a back-up dancer(K youknowtherestofhisname)

-Deciding that having a reality show on UPN would be a good idea, revealing how crazy she is to every guy that spanked to her music in her golden age

-Cut off her hair.... I think there is a good place to stop...one more

-Cocaine, she's done cocaine

I saw the picture of her "naughty", and cringed. The 15 year old in me was taken aback. How dare I betray her. And now I think I've got it. She used to have the body of a Goddess and now the world has turned on her because she's mortal. How dare we? Think hard, did she really look that bad at the VMA's(not her dancing, cause yes, that was horrible)? Or, was she no worse than any average woman that you've had an "encounter" with? She just happened to be showcasing her mediocrity for the world. How would your girlfriend look in same situation? That's right... normal. Bottom line is, I'd still have her. Now, I might not beat you to death in a sprint to her bedroom... this ain't 1999. But, I would certainly let her pay to take me out to the Sizzler(if they still exist). And, she's still rich, I think. Britney when the world turns it's back on you, TRich will be there to pick up the pieces. I won't tell you "You the most beautiful woman in the world", but I will tell you that you were in the running once, and that's better than most can say their woman. So, remember the next time you snarl at her unbecoming picture on the Tele or in print.... "Would you kick her out of bed?"


I don't normally get completely 3 piece suited up for work. It's business casual so I generally keep it that way. But, today I decided it was a good day for a vest and suit pants. People treat me like I just had pectoral put in. I guess I feel a lot like a woman that is revealing too much in public. People keep asking me if I'm having lunch with one of a few women, my response is "No, I just felt like putting on a vest today", ladies I understand. But, truthfully I put this on so women would look for a second or five longer, and it's working. So, next time they tell you that blouse was for them... they're a Mother#$ckin' liar!


Tyler vs. Tyler Nov. 10th Ballston Commons Mall.... Watch the video at http://www.tdcpresents.com/ then wait for the next two to come out shortly. If you like it, you'll love the next two(that's right get anxious, that's what we want you to do).


My plan from yesterday to shake the girl at work did NOT work. Now she's just trying harder to speak to me(annoying me). Can females not see the look of disdain and, in general, disinterest?! Oh well, I'll shake her. Just in case your wondering why I would want to get rid of this female, it's because she wants to play hard to get. I'm too grown and too impatient for those games.


I just found out how to view sites(YouTube, MySpace) that are blocked at my job. Now, if I ever used those things at home, I might care about being able to use them at work. But, this does mean that I don't have to wait to get my fix of a cat doing the Macarena on YouTube... YEAH!


Alright, well it's been Wednesday... I'll get back with you guys in the future. Laters...

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

A Tuesday that started with Chili...


Here is the first promotional video for Tyler and I's show:
http://www.tdcpresents.com/
I hope you enjoyed the video, we certainly had a fun time making it and there are more to come over the next week or two. Just come folks.

Performance reviews are always fun, cause for a second I always think I'm in trouble. Luckily, now that I've taken my 120 day review there won't be another til' May. I like how that sounds, now starts an era that I now refer to as "The Time of Tyler". Where I worry less about f'n up and more about just makin' sure to fly under the radar and stay lovable in everyone's eyes. By the way, it's getting ready to rain outside and I think we all know that means good things for me.

I've discovered how to cure myself of women that you are no longer interested in. All women(at least the EASY ones, that ones you never stay interested) have a lot of guy friends. After my last relationship I realized that being jealous is pointless cause you can't "handcuff these __". So, do what I did today when a female that you have no interest in won't leave you alone. Just all the sudden call them out on a random guy(she's probably banging him anyway) and that is sure to get you some distance. It took a lot of sarcastic "hey, it's none of my business" type statements but now I certain that if I don't go out of my way to be seen, she'll stay away. Write that down, "Women don't like jealousy"... apparently.

Alright, Tuesday.... I think I'm gonna go get in you. So til' tomorrow, Laters...

I hope you enjoyed the video, we certainly had a fun time making it and there are more to come over the next week or two. Just come folks.

Performance reviews are always fun, cause for a second I always think I'm in trouble. Luckily, now that I've taken my 120 day review there won't be another til' May. I like how that sounds, now starts an era that I now refer to as "The Time of Tyler". Where I worry less about f'n up and more about just makin' sure to fly under the radar and stay lovable in everyone's eyes. By the way, it's getting ready to rain outside and I think we all know that means good things for me.

I've discovered how to cure myself of women that you are no longer interested in. All women(at least the EASY ones, that ones you never stay interested) have a lot of guy friends. After my last relationship I realized that being jealous is pointless cause you can't "handcuff these __". So, do what I did today when a female that you have no interest in won't leave you alone. Just all the sudden call them out on a random guy(she's probably banging him anyway) and that is sure to get you some distance. It took a lot of sarcastic "hey, it's none of my business" type statements but now I certain that if I don't go out of my way to be seen, she'll stay away. Write that down, "Women don't like jealousy"... apparently.

Alright, Tuesday.... I think I'm gonna go get in you. So til' tomorrow, Laters...

Monday, October 22, 2007

Tyler vs. Tyler ?!

Who wouldn't S#it themselves when they saw this thing next to them in Antartica?----->

A couple years ago when Tyler S. and I both started comedy, we had an idea for a show that would pit us against one another. There have been several evolutions for this idea, and I think(God, I hope) that we have come to a show that will be funny and most of all, just as fun to watch as it is to put on. I have no idea when the videos that we shot to promote it will be ready to put online, but I was very pleased with how well they turned out. And, I was very pleased with the fact that neither one of us has a problem holding a straight face for a long amount of time. Stay tuned, cause I will definitely have more info on this show. (But, he didn't say when it was).... Oh, it's November 10th, 2007 at The Comedy Spot in Ballston Commons Mall.


On Sat. night, I went to the Laughing Lizard and for the first time in a little while I stood there and in front of oh... 20-25 people, pulled out a plate of shiggity and ate it for about 10 minutes. But, it's cool cause how would I know what's funny if people don't make it abundantly clear what is not? I'm a big boy and sometimes you don't get to make the hot blond in the back laugh enough to lose self respect and morals due to your comedic genius. Am I right? I did go flying out the door while "Supermaning that Ho" in front of Tim Miller though. One of the highlights of my evening.


If you are the person who works in my building reading this, please let me know who you are. Only a couple know I perform, and so I quite curious to see who you might be. Sorry, if I got off the beaten track everyone, but I use sitetracker and know that someone in my complex is reading since everyday it says the name of our company. Back to the blog then....


Friday's attempt to find some other common ground with my boss was a huge success since we spent the day at Hemlock overlook(basically "Field Day") doing teamwork training. We found much to talk about and overall... bonded. With that in mind, for some reason I still felt the need to watch espn's report on the Giants vs. 49ers game yesterday and make sure I could comment on in when he makes his usual 9:45 am walk-by. I'm sad, I know... but I'm a man who's looking for a promotion. Come on baby, daddy needs a new pair of shoes!


I traded in a video game on Saturday and was given $5.00, you heard me 5. Now, let me clarify, this wasn't some game for the original Atari or something. This game, WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2007 came out last November and I paid $69.99 for it. Now, I've been in this video game world for a while so I know I wasn't gonna get $30 bucks for it or anything. But, I'm insulted to think that now we're treating games like cars. No one should ever be given less than $10 for an XBOX360 game. What the point of crying about this you ask? On the off chance that a CEO of Gamestop/EBgames should search for the tag "pissed cause I received $5 for a videogame" I want him to know that I don't appreciate paying for his last happy ending. I hope her hands are ice cold next time Mr. CEO.... GD Thief.


Odyssey Michaels is the first person I have come across who, in a position to really help out someone, not based on friendship, but on what he saw as talent.... stepped up. I appreciate it more than I can express in a few words, but more importantly I plan to use it as a reason to never forget what I want to be like if I'm in the right position. I respect that, and Jermaine knows what I'm talking about, cause it doesn't matter who sticks their foot in the door first, the other is right on their coattails when the come in the room. Keep our community beautiful and lets all help each other out. With that said, if you have a negative comment to make like the jerk who told me to stop "word I won't use cause I'm blogging at work", be a man and have an identity so I don't have to think about drop kicking Racer X from Speed Racer. 'Preciate it...
I finally got a much needed haircut on Friday... it's not really that interesting I know but I walked around for a good two weeks looking like a runaway slave. Now, I feel like I belong in this century. JOY!
I jammed with Tyler S. yesterday in GUITAR HERO 2, I think he can attest to the almighty ROCK that is TRich.... recognize. Well, I got nothing. So, I guess we'll end this boring Monday with a joke...(I still got nothing)... Laters

Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Ghost of Thursday morning

Tell me that ain't the look of an innocent man





Okay so welcome to Thursday. Feels something like a Friday, but with a little less umph! Like settling for the hot girl's friend who is almost as good looking and almost lets you go all the way. Ho Hum; But I digress(I just really wanted to work those words in, could you tell?) let's talk about things that make us smile shall we...









SEE THIS TRAILER FOR THE VIDEO GAME!!!!!!






Yesterday I gave some much needed time to an old friend. Some of you may remember An American Tail: Fievel Goes West, if you do, go ahead and take a second to dance in that memory. Mmmmm that's good. I saw it was on and had to take some time and unwind to it, which I hadn't done since I was 8. Good times.


And, I finally caught up with this week's the Boondocks... A Pimp Named Slickback. Need I say more!


Now that they're putting World War III in all of the headlines and news stories(referring to a nuclear Iran), doesn't seem like there is no way to avoid it. As a sensible adult, you know that war is going to happen now because the tension is in the air. I had hoped that I would be dead before the end of the world, so if I put all my apples in the wrong basket, here are the things I believe I need to do prior to death:



- Hug Jake Young (?)



-Call my mother and inform her that I did steal A LOT of her change to buy a PS2 years ago



-Lead a team of non-Hispanic mean to victory against a team of Hispanic men... in soccer



-Return my copy of Transformers. They already play that in Heaven, with sequels. Sequels



-Take $10.15 from Eminem(Marshall Mathers).... I paid for Encore, I don't know about you



-Learn to play the Harmonica from Eli, then kill him... there can be ONLY ONE!(lightning strikes)



-Cha Cha Slide



-Cha Cha again



-Stand in line with every black comic that I respect in this city, and have Schlegel hose us for a picture... that's just funny to me.



-Apologize to Malcolm X in the afterlife for that last comment



-Taste the Rainbow



-Tell my ex I still love her



-Shower at someone else's place



-Run a mile while pooing



-Smack a boy my little sister likes(last chance to be a protective big brother)



and lastly,



-Hook up with the Devil and challenge that bastard to Guitar Hero II, "Let's see you top 96% of Freebird on Expert!" And, you KNOW that Mutha is goin' down. As Mike Way is my witness. I had to throw him in there, he's one of the only people reading this dribble. Word to mutha Mike, I wouldn't have him any other Way.


Let me go work, and drink Cherry Coke(my crack addiction). I'll get back with ya'll tomorrow. Laters....

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

"And the winner is Hampton"

Since most months of the year you have to wait to get back to an open mic, I thought I'd just let everyone who wasn't there last night(who wasn't there though) know exactly how it ended. I can't recall feeling happier for someone else. I don't want to leave any names out, cause I forgot most of the people's names I just met, but it was a good show all around and I had some slammin' chili. I guess I should say good luck to the Fowlest next month... but I hate him.

I got this new thing I'm tryin' out and it seems to be working; when a hot woman comes by, and it doesn't matter if they have a boyfriend, just stick a high five out there. They can't resist, and I know, "Who high fives anymore?" hot women that's who. It's great and could lead to future "talent"... time will tell on that one.

Senator Craig's interview with Matt Lauer was very similar to his situation with the bathroom. Because I find both hilarious, and I don't think he's guilty of this whole "gay" conspiracy. Sounds like a victim of circumstance if you ask me. Let's just imagine that he's not gay. He's in a bathroom, sees toilet paper on his shoe(he has a wide squat about him, very important), grabs it, and when he does so some cop next to him sees his palm and says that it "Go time". And, here we are, now there are some minor details that I can neither confirm nor deny. Such as whether or not he flushed, cause if he didn't and there was no "poo" then clearly he was in there to get him some. And, I hear tale of tapping his foot, which is yet another of the steps that lead to bathroom slammin'. I'm standing by my man, just like with THE JUICE.

I just got the tape of my Improv showcase in February and I feel a little stupid. I spent all this time, lil' bitter about not winning, and now I see why I didn't. Time is funny, which two of the bits at the end of my set were not.

I have got to find new common ground with my boss, I told him I was a Giants fan and now I'm stuck. That was not a lie, I just don't watch football that much so everyday I only have the most generic things to say. It's kinda like when the girl at the strip club tells you that she's new there and going back to school. You know that's a lie, and there is a brief pause between the two of you in acknowledgement, but then you both continue cause you don't really care. But, we have team building exercise and I plan on impressing him and seeing what else he's into. Here is my game plan:
Boss: You ready for the game on Sunday?
Me: My father was never around... do you like Guitar Hero? Cause I'm actually pretty beastly in that game and if you saw my skills then-
Boss: What?!
Just an example how well I communicate when I feel the need to impress, but one way or another I will convince him that I have the Midas touch. Especially when it comes to Domino.

I haven't been home too much lately but if someone has the new Radiohead album(I posted the link to it a few days ago) tell me how that is. I've read bad things from reviewers and good things from the fans.

The longer it takes for me to get my hair cut, the more I fear that I look like this guy Charlie that I work with. Charlie is a sweet guy, but has many problems. For starters Charlie is recently married, but his wife had two kids and then they had one. That's 3 for those counting and oh, Charlie is 24! It is the children that blame for his appearance most day and I also excuse him for them because that's a lot of %$^($@# kids man. He doesn't even shave and he's got the same patch coming in on his chin that I would if I never wanted to hook up.... ever. I can tell that he thinks it's cool cause he's always playing with it. And, he acts like a mixture of Bernie Mac and Bill Cosby.... not a good mix. But, someone told him it works, and he found a woman(with 2 kids) who'll love him. My point is I don't ever want to be Charlie. But, I don't mind being around him all day. Oh Charlie

Apparently, no one wakes up with the time to drop deuce. I felt the chili kickin' this morning and had to make it work so it was one of the few time to make that thing happen at work. When I got in the bathroom I discovered that it's pretty popular at 8:15 am to do. It was packed and there were people from that side of the floor(cause I don't go near where I sit) that were standing in front of the stalls waiting. I finally got up and it was uncomfortable. Naturally I squeezed in a giggle cause of the Senator Craig thing, I thought how funny it would be to tap a foot and show my palm. But, then I got to business. This was the first time ever where people were clearly looking in the stalls to check on your progress and there was no messing around. You got about 2 minutes before the peep, and then they come every 15 seconds. Took me about 4.27 minutes. I got through at least 1 Lupe Fiasco song, I need my iPod... especially if the only other option are the grunts of grown men who eat HUNGRY MAN.

I think work beckons so I must return to the slave helms... laters

Monday, October 15, 2007

Don't buy females drinks at the bar....


It's a waste of money, either they will "creep" or they won't. Spending money has nothing to do with it. With that said, I deployed a little bit of Slick Rick's lyrics this weekend... treat em' like a prostitute.






I have entered the world of Halo 3. Now I've never really thought much of people who start to complain about getting sick or dizzy from video games but yesterday I found out the hard way. It was like someone put my head in a vice grip. When I finally got up and left the game alone, the veins in my temples looked like I just got done bench pressing with my face. I felt like I might cry and remembered the words of Bishop Magic Don Juan "N#gga Please!" It helped, then I made yesterday a very short Sunday by starting my coma at exactly 7 pm.






What is up with friends that get girlfriends and completely put them in front of every other decision due to "Vagin". How dare you... though I speak of my friend Kevin, I see this come true for so many young men in this generation of promiscuity. If they don't constantly blow you off for said "giney" then they bring this person everywhere they go. Situation:



Guy: Hey we're gonna road trip to Wrestlemania(why not? It's a guy thing)



Whipped Guy: Awesome, let me tell Laura!



G: What?!



WG: What, you don't like her?



G: It's not that, I just.... didn't know she like wrestling.



WG: Ah, she's gonna love it.



G: You guys aren't gonna argue the whole time are you? Cause it makes me pretty soft when you guys do that.



WG: Nah, it'll be cool. WRESTLEMANIA!!



(About here is where the first guy should say)



G: Hey never mind man.



WG: What are you talking about? Stop overreacting man.



G: Bros before H-



WG: Stop there man, fine I won't bring her.



G: Sweet, was that so hard? Hey _..



WG: Yeah man.



G: I love you.



WG: Love you too.



(that's just the way any conversation should end)



And they lived happily ever after.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Grind everyone...grind!


Last night was very cool, Keith was great and got things kicked off. The Fowlest came through and rocked that mutha next and might I say with the energy of 10 year old with a full can of Full Throttle in him(he was high energy for those that haven't had the drink). McBride was too cool and spoke with suck "laidbackidness" I hardly realized he'd taken my wallet. And, I didn't walk everybody out of the room so all-in-all, it was a fun time. If only I hadn't told everyone one to get the wrong form, we'd have been paid then instead of through the mail. I'll get it right next time.


How could I have forgotten about The Boondocks coming back on the air finally in my last blog. If you didn't see it I'm sure there will be ample opportunities to catch it and the other new episodes of their second season. Oh Uncle Ruckus, how do you do it? You made me fall in love with you even though you hate me...


Where the hell is 24? Soon my children. Although, in horrible news, Keifer Sutherland will have to serve a little jail sentence while the show takes a break in filming in November. I could care less about Keifer, but why are they giving Jack Bauer a break from filming?! Stay focused, there are people jonesing all across America for our fix and you need a break to what? Be with family and stuff? Come on...


If you ever want to know anything about anything, I suggest you give this website a try http://www.ign.com/ (movie news,video games, electronics, news, music, you get it?)


Women can be cruel. What? That's a fact.


Apparently, Johnny Gill's "My My My" is longer a top hit in Korea. I only mention this because the views per day requesting that song have dropped. Come back, I miss you... unless you live in North Korea. You can stay away. And why would you monsters in the North love the smooth 80's sound of Johnny Gill?


Does anyone know someone who bought 50 Cent's record? Me neither.


Radiohead has a website up where you can pay whatever you want for their new album. Yes, you can pay nothing if you want and get it completely for free. If you love them as much as I do then go find the website on your own... nah, I wouldn't do that to you. Here:


Was that predictable or what?


Alright, I'm supposed to be working so take this little poem and live your day in joy like the Mighty Zeus commands:


Madness

(For Sara Teasdale) The lonely farm, the crowded street,The palace and the slum,Give welcome to my silent feet.
As, bearing gifts, I come. Last night a beggar crouched alone,A ragged helpless thing;I set him on a moonbeam throne --Today he is a king. Last night a king in orb and crown
Held court with splendid cheer;Today he tears his purple gown.
And moans and shrieks in fear. Not iron bars, nor flashing spears,Not land, nor sky, nor sea,Nor love's artillery of tears
Can keep mine own from me. Serene, unchanging, ever fair,I smile with secret mirth
And in a net of mine own hair
I swing the captive earth.

Laters...

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

"That's not funny."


I don't think it's fair that I left you for days without the awkward nuances that we now can refer to as TRichisms. It just seems wrong to me, so for the 3 of you here we go..


Though I pretty much live like a couch potato/Internet surfer nerd while I work, I received my productivity report yesterday and I am 110% as far as my section goes. My only response as my supervisor proudly congratulated me; "I am very pleased with myself"(now imagine it said as though some @sshole felt he could do better). Ah, good times.


Wendy's now puts a standee in the line while you wait where you can stick your head through and look like you have a wig on... genius. I don't care how many times I see it, I still giggle a little bit when someone sticks their head through. The only thing funnier would be if someone met the eager lad with a punch from Jesus right as he giggled at his handy work. Ah, violence.


As I shared with Tyler S. today, I'm a little disturbed that I find this story so funny...


It's mainly the events of him taking the kid back to end it all, and what conclusion mercy led him to.... I hope you get what I'm saying. I never claimed to be mature.


So, tonight there is a show at Marymount University. That would be Jermaine "The Fowlest" Fowler, Keith (the comedian, I'm not sure if it's just Keith now. I think I like (just) Keith more.), John McBride(no nickname I'm aware of.... but does he need one?), and me. It's gonna be a lot of fun, and who wants to miss fun. And there were plenty of fine young women for everyone!


I've decided it's time to man up and start an open mic. More on that to come, but believe if I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna try to follow good examples like Rendezvous, Soho, etc....


Anyone that is just happy with life and more importantly, their life, go ahead and smile for a minute. We never reflect on how sweet this whole thing is til' it's too late. Now, if only it weren't so damn hot on my floor! Laters.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

What?

What is the point of worrying?
Why bother. In the end it will be what it is and there is no getting around that.

What it point of paper money?
We just keep playing hot potato with it and in the end someone picked their booty and gave you money. Now you have booty fingers... UGH!

Why was God cruel twisted enough to make some folks(blacks mostly) lactose intolerant?
Ice Cream tastes like he dipped his finger in every spoonful... like heaven.

What is the point of letting me see pictures of the Joker when I can't see The Dark Knight until June of 2008?
I can't sleep, I can't eat... what do you want me to do Warner Bros.?! I have bills to pay. I can't just pick and leave it all behind to move to Chicago and watch you film. I want to but.... you know what; let's just move forward. Ahem.

Why can't I ever find a place to park in Adams Morgan that doesn't involve me going to the ATM machine for almost $20?
The man who charges the least to let you park there is never there to take your money and verify that it's your vehicle. Just don't smell right...

Why is Jermaine Fowler the "Fowlest N@gga on the Planet"?
Have you ever seen him dance? No further statement on that question

Why don't people get to vote on what is and is not illegal?
I think we'd have quite a shock and the cops could go harass the killers and pedophiles.

Why are their always two horrible colors for everything?
How many people are really paying for a LIME GREEN iPod? Ugh!

Why is it okay to discuss what old people do when no one can see them?
All this talk of Viagra and things, I just want to think of my grandma as a saint, okay?

What are Thursdays good for if not to reflect on the many questions the spring up during the day? Oh wait, they're good for Twister... Laters

Monday, October 01, 2007

Wedding Bells...


This is what black children are being taught in school? Oh, Malcolm X "Help us".

If anyone saw that and actually assumed that I'm getting married "You should slap yourself!" But, I did go to a wedding. It was very cool since this is the first one I've ever been to. And, I was a groomsman which meant nothing more than standing for the whole wedding and sitting at a table completely away from everyone during the reception. Though, I was looking fine with my tux going on.... stag is a lonely horse to ride. Would've been nice to have a companion then, but then I'd have to worry about "When are we gonna get married?" and that is talk I don't ever want to hear.


Went to Marymount University on Weds., and got some feedback from the man who signs the checks. Apparently, when I'm clean I have a look or tone about me that says "I'm holding back cause I really want to swear right now". I think that might be running through my mind, but I don't think it's that I only find fowl things humorous, but I do think that a lot of the things that are funnier to me are involved in adult situations. But, I guess I'll have to work on that. I consider myself hard as stone when it comes to criticism, but that one kind knocked the pride off my face for a 10 min. period.


TYLER Vs. TYLER


November 10th 2007


@ the Comedy Spot


Recognize HO





Could it be possible that I'll kill him there? Yep. Will the cops be close by? Yep. Will The Fowlest and Anupama be there? Yep, next question. Singing? Check. Skits? Check. "Just Go".





Do you have health insurance Tyler? Yes I do. I just enjoy asking myself questions and answering them. I'm done with that now. If you're a female who has a boyfriend and is still willing to get to know someone that you know only wants to sleep with you, you're a whore. Could be worse, like a killer, but you need to accept that simple fact. I played HALO 3 before paying for it and now I don't want it. But, since everyone and their grandmother has it, I must give in to this worldwide peer pressure. Gotta work but laters...



About Me

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I blog during work to keep from sleeping. Unless people from my job are monitoring this, in which case "I love my job; I have a family". My dog Max is the man too. Other than that I think reading this blog gives a pretty good idea of what I'm about. Red Jell-o, need I say more.

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