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Wednesday, January 31, 2007

And so it is...

I just got off the phone with my Grandma... she's a saucy old girl, but I love her. Moving on then. I had the privilege of playing with a fellow comic who dabbles in Rainbow Six: Vegas, and needless to say I sucked like a whore who's going for employee of the month. But, he will soon find himself in a familiar land called Gears of War and that day will be a reckoning. I'll wait to see if I can beat that ass before I get my gloat on.
It's still very amusing to me that if you search purple sticky salvia or the lyrics to "At Last" I'm one of the first results on many a search engine. Like I'm some kind of junkie with a soft spot for Etta James.
I finally got my stuff out to the DCComedyFest so we'll see how that goes. I remember how pissed I was when I didn't get in last year, but if that happened again I think I could function for the rest of the day. But, make no mistake, I WANT IN.
I had some sex the other day...
Crank: F'in awesome movie and you need to check it out. Ignore the critics and just appreciate it for what it is. Adrenaline. He pulled Amy Smart's boob out in public and the bumped McNastys in front of a group of Asians. Just see the movie folks.
The Protector: Not as great as Ong Bak. Jaa has turned into the new Steven Segal, because I don't think I've ever seen so many broken arms. I watched it to see some serious knee action and instead I was left with a frown and medium wood. Don't see it unless it's free. Cable baby...
And now your moment of Zen....

That's my main man Max. You can call him Max the conqueror, Max the Destroyer, Pothead Max, or Davey. Whatever. Well, I think that does it for me and I'll be seeing you all on those mean streets of comedy. Laters...

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

So....

First let me say that it's weird to me how many people are searching for the lyrics to "At last my love has come along" I keep getting hits from people searching for that and finding nothing but mindless dribble. If you are one of these people "Hi." and now on to other things...
Saw the list for the Improv competition(oh really) Yep(how'd it look, ya nervous?) Familiar faces(your nervous)...(you know you make this thing out to be way too big of a deal) Yeah, but I can't help that( weed ) ...I think I need to hit these open mics really hard and be ready this time(weren't you ready last time) I thought I was but looking back, no.(Yeah, but hindsight is 20/20, change the topic) O.K.
Dear Fox,
My name is Deaven Tyler Richardson. I am writing in regards to your television show "24". How dare you. How dare you air a show like that and expect me to live out the rest of my week as though I've just watched some T.V. show. It's an experience, and the only reason that I'm ruling out suicide by cop is because I'll miss next Monday's episode. Shame on you. And if I may make a suggestion, how about the next time you make us wait for a year and a half, just release it on DVD and throw some commercials in there. I promise that 9 time out of 10 I'll watch the commercials. Thank you for your time.

Tyler Richardson

Okay everyone, I think I can go now. Laters......

Monday, January 22, 2007

Snow Day!

And I'm at work... shit. I wish I was a kid again. Didn't have a scraper handy so this morning I took a highlighter and punched very strategic holes in the ice that covered my back window in the COROLLA. G.H.E.T.T.O! So, today instead of a normal-ish blog I thought I'd give you something with a little more kick to it. And because I love it, I'm adding a video that touches me and I think it will touch everyone else.... it's my dick in a box.


There is more beauty out there then we know.
The world isn't always dark and cold.
Help a stranger and see how good it feels.
Toss a friend some unexpected money to pay their bills.
Karma my friends is the slutty sister of Jesus(to be pronounced in Spanish please)
so when everyone is gathered and you have all the doors locked
Pull them together and show them... "It's my dick in a box"!

Thursday, January 18, 2007

I'm a posse

Well hello everyone... It's been a moment and let me start out with something I noticed in 24 the other day. Kal Penn's character is a kid who's father gets taken to a detention camp for nothing other than racial profiling. The problem is that when racist neighbors decide to beat his ass for a terrorist/terrorist's kid, a neighbor steps in to save him. Later, you find out that Kal is indeed a terrorist and the first thing that popped in my mind was "man, this is giving some people a reason to assault Arabic people the next time something horrible happens." Hopefully people will be a little more intelligent than to reference a TV show when getting ready to commit a crime, but you never know these days. I still love the show though. I also love Kal(Kumar) Penn. The man is sexy and nothing can stop that.
I was reading some blogs related to groups of friends and comedy. Let me be brief yet speak for myself. "I personally have no ill feelings towards anyone that is more successful than me in comedy. I root for all of us, and as I've said before, the sooner someone establishes themselves, the sooner people can remember someone else's name. Might not be the best way to put it, but I'm not hating on anyone who's gotten a little/a lot more than me." Jimmy Merritt and Andy Haynes both talked about it in their blogs and made very good points. I myself wished to be a part of the elite, but I guess that is an admittance of not being happy with what I've accomplished over the past year. And I'm sure that we all wish that we could do a little better until we reach our goals. And, then you have to look at people like Jimmy who've just busted their ass all on their own and proved that it really doesn't matter who you associate with but how much you keep pushing and promoting yourself. Maybe a year from now I'll have worked at the places I want(in the area) but for anyone newer than myself, don't be hateful. And don't ever let another comedian hear you bash someone or complain about something you can't really change. You won't change anything and you put yourself out there to be judged. New people really shouldn't burn any bridges and we must all pay our dues. I think part of the thrill of walking into a open mic and being able to get on the list right away, is probably thinking back to when you had to come and maybe you got on(most times you didn't). I wouldn't know cause I'm no superstar, but if you never earn anything then you certainly can't appreciate it the same can you? I always dug Jimmy's blog cause more times than not, he's trying to help people through his blog and make things a little easier on people newer than himself. In my own way I hope that people could read some of my blogs the way that I read his when I started and take something away from it. From my bad experiences, to bringer shows, to unprofessional that never really gets spoken of, and keeping my mouth shut sometimes... And should anyone have a question(and decide to ask a Tyler Richardson, instead of much more established comic) I would be happy to give what answers I can. Cause I still remember the people who were all to happy to answer whatever stupid question I had and I respect that about them.
I'm going to the Reef tonight cause it sounds like all kinds of fun. I really get hard over the thought of something other than a traditional open mic. I dig that Andy had the Scrot(as in scrotum) to get that mutha off the ground and running. And no, I'm not on but this sounds like so much fun to watch how can I resist? Weed will help too, but when does it hurt. Well, I have people talking in my ear now(and reading over my shoulder which I HATE) so I'll get back to ya'll tomorrow and hopefully all will be sexy. Laters....

Monday, January 15, 2007

An evening of faces

So, Saturday I went to Ned Divine's and had a blast. Instead of being on the huge stage downstairs, there was some private get together and so we rocked it upstairs for the evening. Seaton Smith was our headliner, and now the list of sexy performers in it's entirety:
Kojo Mante-Hosted that bad mutha
Andy Haynes
A little me in there
Ryan Conner
Rory Scovel
and of course Rob Maher was there.
At one point I was downstairs smoking and someone called for everyone in the party to turn to them while they toasted. It was as though they said "Everyone turn and get together so that outsider is by himself within a 20 ft.. Radius" cause that's what happened. I quickly finished that cigarette. And for anyone who missed Reggie Bush being folded in half, that shiz was awesome. Google it baby, google it.
So then it was off to the Laughing Lizard, where Tyler S. makes happy possible. Kojo and Andy joined me on the drive that would otherwise be very boring. I didn't even get lost on the way there. And, that my friends is proof that weed can't completely ruin your memory if you really want to remember. Now if you ask me how to work a lawnmower, I probably won't wanna remember that. Get it. So we arrive and meet all the sexy folks that Alexandria had to offer. Bear with my memory but let me name drop what I can remember... Herbie Gill was there and for some reason, he, Jason Weems, Kojo, and myself all had on very similar clothes. Black on our torsos, generally a leather jacket, and jeans preferably with black shoes. It was the black uniform of the evening. The Merritts were also there for the show. Always lovely to see them and Jimmy was sans tie... I felt betrayed. By the way Leslie "Love tha Do!" She knows what I mean. I met Ayanna Dookie, and though I was pretty drunk, I don't think I made a good impression. The term "ice grillin' me" comes to mind when I think back on that. But, no hard feelings. Aparna was there and this is what went down when she made her presence known. "Aparna, Oh my God! Get the FUCK out of my way Tyler. Geez. Oh, so how are you Aparna?" That was a little exaggerated but now I know better than to stand in between her and everyone else. It was embarrassing. But, she did let me kiss the rings too, so I love her. Mike Way had on quite the outfit. The only thing I remember is Herbie joking about how he looked like he had on the inside of his Jacket's liner. But when Mike smiles... all is forgiven. *that my friends, is to be interpreted as gay, and thus fulfilling an oath that I swore to a man who saved my life. And asked for so precious little* Ahem... now where were we. Ah yes, so I was drunk. I had a lot to eat and honestly the first thing that popped in my mind when I woke was "Man I remember using my ShareCheck a lot". That's a bad thing. Well, I think I'm gonna be going. So, til' next time, Laters...

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Word to Mutha!

Well, it's Thursday... not too much you can say positive about those. I've been focused on rewriting my jokes and it's coming along rather cool. Roger Mursick gave me some advice on Saturday and that was one of the things that he stressed to me, so I'm keeping it very much in mind. By the way, that's a cool ass guy. He was very approachable and just cool in general. Plus, he decided to spare a few moments of his life to chat about nothing with me, and since he's a pro I definitely appreciated it. Cause who is Tyler Richardson anyway, right? I was thinking of doing my next show in black face... that's a joke.
When I was taking Jermaine Fowler home on Monday morning(as in 2:00 am.) I couldn't help but notice that while you allowed to buy alcohol at any hour of the day in Maryland, good luck finding it. We went to just about 7 or 8 7-elevens and random liquor shops to find something(Miller Lite) and to my chagrin, there was no beer in any of the places that were open. That's just a slap in the teeth. Like allowing smoker's in your establishment, but having no ashtrays. Only alcohol I was gonna find was rubbing alcohol and I don't take shots very well. Plus that's gross.
Here is a product that you need to check out, the iPhone. www.apple.com this thing is gonna change cell phones forever and I wonder if it will be necessary to have a regular iPod once this hits the ground. But, it's only a Cingular phone so a lot of us will have to jump ship. I know that I'll be one of the millions. And now for one more tidbit... Purple Sticky Salvia. If you don't know what this is then you are like I was until a couple days ago. I will only say that it is a perfectly legal hallucinogen. I have not tried it, so I can't tell you what it was like for me. But, it's legal for those who are adventurous. And cheap like weed, but available for a lot less if you want a small amount. www.purplestickysalvia.com You can buy this stuff online or at any Headshop that you can find near you. If you do try it, comment and tell me what that was like, or e-mail to remain anonymous. Laters...

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

And so it goes...

Hello everybody, it's been a few days since we've talked and shame on me for that. This weekend was a little busy for me I guess but I had my friend Jermaine Fowler with me to make sure that everything was okay. Saturday could have gone better for me at the Hyatt but I can't look back... I guess. I'll give it a 6 out of 10 and remember that I'm pretty bias when it comes to my sets. So it could have really been a 4.5, but that's neither here nor there. But, I did get to watch Rory and Ryan rip that bitch to pieces on Saturday so I guess it was worth it to get to watch those guys and not have to pay $5 like everyone else. Now, Sunday on the other hand was beautiful for Tyler. 9:55 is a cool ass club and I generally find it frequented by cool ass folks. I love being back down in Richmond since I don't get to go back down to VCU often. Jermaine rocked it and will be back to terrorize that town very soon and I'm gonna give myself a 8.5-9 on that evening. That's bold of me to say that I crushed so instead a modest(ified) it down. And yeah, that's not a word, but I felt that I needed to create one at that peticular time. Funny thing is that the internet said that I was headlining so I was freakin' out cause I can't entertain for an hour yet. There is a huge difference between talking for a hour and giving a performance that feel is worthy of people's time for an hour. But, luckily when I arrived I was greeted with a quick "sorry the internet was wrong, you're still the feature act." And boy, was I relieved. Feb. 13th- Improv Competition part Duex. The comics from Richmond were cool as always so let me throw out a shout to Odyssey Michaels and Neil Constantine. Both should be at Wiseacres this week, I believe, to rock that open mic and get some work with the Comedy Cartel. Mr. Michaels had a very interesting conversation with me about the website that I own. For those unfamiliar: www.funnynegro.com Don't go there cause it's not done or running, but I do own it. I asked him how he felt cause, well, he's more established than a Tyler Richardson... my worst fears for the name immediately came true. He didn't like it for reasons of professionalism, and possibly setting black back 50 years. Plus, I'm not urban and that name might make other people think differently. So, if you have a recommendation please feel free to send it on down. Feb. 13th- DC Improv(and yeah, this is subliminal messaging) Sat. I'm swingin' by the ol' Ned Divine's to kick some of that ol' funky shizzy. Okay people, I feel drained and unless I think of a second blog for today, see ya laters....

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

And we're back!

Finally a new year. I've really been looking forward to the possibilities of this year so I'm super siked that it's arrived. And yeah, that last sentence was to be read aloud as Big Gay Al from South Park. I really haven't done too much lately and feel like a fat turd for that. I can't remember the last time I wrote a joke that stuck and felt worthy of the stage. Maybe soon, I mean I have been smoking a lot of something that is normally quite the muse. Maybe stopping will produce something... other than rage towards others for no reason. Saturday I get to do the beloved Hyatt again and that's cool. Sunday I get to go to Richmond and soak up some good ol' VCU rays. I dig that too.
*Side Note: I am currently having a cinnamon ball that tastes surprisingly like Shrooms. That's not a good thing and it's kind of making it hard to finish this thing. Back to normal then...*
Is it Wednesday already? Man. I saw the footage from the phone of Saddam's death, and let me just say, I was appalled. It was awful. Movies glorify the hanging of people and don't get as ugly as the 2 seconds you can make out that his neck is stretched like taffy. His shirt was like a foot left of his nose. But, at the same time, I can't stop watching it. It kind makes me feel old cause when I was a kid I remember he was like Hitler. We had a war, he was still on the loose, and then every show I watched took a cheap shot at him. Now, don't get me wrong the man was evil and ruthless, however.... I feel a little sympathy for him cause it shouldn't have been him we we're watching get executed. I feel like we all wanted Osama and settled for Saddam. Everyone mentions that there were no Weapons of MASS DESTRUCTION, and yet we came and dug him up to kill him and, oh, by the way "You killed a bunch of people back in 1982" and the funny yet sad part of it is, those people botched an attempt to assassinate him! But, there are a lot of details not said and yeah, he did kill a lot more people than that too... moving on. I believe that my dog Max has taken a shit in my bed or something and I just can't find it. We'll talk later people. Enjoy the time we spend apart...

About Me

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I blog during work to keep from sleeping. Unless people from my job are monitoring this, in which case "I love my job; I have a family". My dog Max is the man too. Other than that I think reading this blog gives a pretty good idea of what I'm about. Red Jell-o, need I say more.

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