Just as good as a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich.
Monday, June 30, 2008
The weekend at the Comedy Factory was great, Erin Jackson stopped by both nights and the I think we all know that I'm d*ck riding EJ like most people do Tim Miller (I have to laugh at that one). The shows were so much fun I was really depressed on Saturday, right around the second show, cause then you return to the real world. For anyone that gets told they will be working with Vince Morris, jump for joy, he was as cool a headliner as you could ask for. He even asked me to do a joke before his last set, which we all know is unheard of, but if the headliner asks "Who's gonna say no to that?" And though he had lost some of his faith in hip-hop, he has now listened to Lupe Fiasco... Amen. I also enjoyed what I can only call a "Strong Island Iced Tea". Jared was not only the token Jew, but had some great sets. My favorite Jared Stern moment was the end his time in the second Saturday. As soon as he shook my hand and came down on the step.... he crumbled like the Berlin Wall. I didn't even have time to ask if he was alright before I broke into laughter. What made it better was that it was in front of all those people and even though he didn't fall all the way to the ground it was good enough to crack me up like a fat kid getting tickled. Good times, and allow me to yet again show what not to do when you're working. The first show on Saturday night I got a little picture happy, way too early. I had seen people taking pictures the other two nights and honestly didn't know better since no one said anything. So, in the middle of Vince's set, I snap one and the flash goes off. Jared, sitting right next to me says "What are you doing?" I immediately knew that I shouldn't do that. Vince stopped his set and said "Who just took that picture?" I continue telling Jared that there's no way I'm gonna stop talking to him and eventually we'll just wait this thing out. People start chiming "It came from over there", Vince says "Tyler, did you take that picture? What are you doing? If you want a picture come up here and take one, don't just take one of me.... that's gay" I breathed a sigh of release while we struck different poses for the camera, but if it were an @sshole I could have been in for a good talking to. On a related note, we struck several funny poses on that stage and the lady with the camera was shaking them off... b*tch take the pictures. I was looking at the pics I took and thinking, "Man, I wish that lady would've just taken the pictures". Oh well, the weekend kicked more @ss than Chuck Norris....
(Man appears behind Tyler while typing.... HOLY $#!T it's CHUCK NORRIS)
"It's cool Tyler"- Chuck Norris
(Then Chuck Norris snap kicked Tyler in the face. He exits like he came into the building on a rainbow)
Yesterday exchanged numbers in a grocery store. The only thing I could say was "I'm the sexiest bastard on the planet today, but I know tomorrow's coming. $#!T". Hello Monday.... :(
I miss the trash talk days of DCComedy4Now, cause without people commenting like crazy, it's just sad. Oh well, we still have EJ, Aparna, Ryan, Justin, Jimmy and TRich blogs to thumb through everyday.
Back to Richmond next Monday, woo-hoo!!!!! I've missed it down there, I wonder if it's got a beard now.... oh yeah, and Erin Jackson will be there too. I'm most diabolical stalker of all time. If you read her blog you know she's not too fond of hugging all the time all "willy nilly". But, the opportunity arose on Friday night and I leaped and got all the hug she could handle. I laughed about it later that night while watching Live at Gotham. I hugged someone on television, ENVY ME. Oh, and I saw we drive the same car... Corolla b*tch.
The show that my friend Josh and I are going to pitch to the director of programming at Adult Swim, called BASIC, is actually leading me to hope. I'm shocked that for once two men that procrastinate all the time, got off their bottoms' and did some work. Praise be to the wolf.
Yesterday my dog and I had a long conversation about July 4th, he doesn't see the big deal and thinks people should still work. You can't teach an old dog gratitude. He's so cute when we disagree, he keeps slamming his fist on the table and interrupting until he feels he's gotten his point across.
I finally got around to putting Tha Carter II on my iPod, bliss. Feel Me!!!!
After this weekend I'm really looking forward to the weekend at the Arlington Cinema N' Drafthouse, pubes are permed and everything.... they say I'm sexy now.
Spy Lounge tonight!!!! .... b*tch. 8 o' cleazy.
I will leave everyone with a little Diddy:
It's Bad Boy bitch
Do it do it do it do it
Do it do it do it do it
(It feels good to be back, I missed ya)
Relax your mind, let your conscience be free
And I roll with the sounds of BBE
Do it do it do it do it
Do it do it do it do it
(You know what time it is)(Report to the dance floor)
It's bad boy bitch(Talk to 'em)
????? How does this man sell records??????
Friday, June 27, 2008
Saw Erin Jackson KILL on Last Comic Standing last night. All the comics were huddled around the screen and disappointed as F*ck when she didn't get chosen. Still though, she's on national television two nights in a row. We are not worthy.... everyone better watch her on Live at Gotham tonight at 10. I have my DVR set, DC, so alive.
I got to Baltimore really early yesterday and had to kill four hours at the bar downstairs from the Comedy Factory. I was sandwiched in between old people and three very angry Russians that were taking a soccer *Futbol* WAY to seriously.
Jared had never seen me out of an open mic so I asked that his expectations be low.... I crushed. Just a little :)
Vince is great, just as laid back and personable as all of the people that we can't believe we meet that we recall seeing on television. The man was dealing with some drunk "Chimers", I can't call them hecklers since they meant well. Oh, and did I forget to mention all the @ss in that joint, makes me gitty about what tonight and tomorrow will bring. YEAH!!!
Jared Stern actually offended the crowd with a joke about his sister. 2 minutes earlier they laughed at the thought of him sleeping with her. Hmmm.
gotta go, lots more Monday.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Just after watching The Dark Knight. I see no reviews are online so I thought Id send you my review.
Ive kept this review as spoiler free as possible as I dont want to ruin anything like someone did recently with another Christian Bale movie!!!
Ill start by saying that I was a fan of Batman Begins and am a huge admirer of Christopher Nolan's body of work. I had my faults with BB mainly to do with how they shot and edited the fight sequences but felt it was a great start to a much larger story and I jumped with joy when Gordan pulled out the Joker card at the end.
The Dark Knight opens with a bank heist sequence that highlights how the joker is always one step ahead of the criminals he is working with and the police who are after him. Numerous men break into a bank controlled by the mob wearing clown masks and comment on how The Joker has put the whole thing together. This is the catalyst for which the rest of the events in this movie takes place.
The heist does not go to plan well at least not for all the gang. Its a great set up and payoff and a unique way of introducing the ace in TDK'S whole or in this case its Joker.
Heath Ledgers performance of the joker is truly one for the books. A man of no remorse or morals who simply wants to see things burn. There is no back story or establishing the character. He is fully formed. He does have some dialogue scenes that reveal a bit of his background.Lets just say he has some issues with his father and that smile of his is rooted in a gesture of love. He is far from a caricature and has depth . He realises that without Batman he would not be. The Joker is almost more of a terrorist than criminal. He is not motivated by money. He wants to see people suffer. Its a damn shame that this was Heath Ledger's final major performance as it shows a whole different side to him as a performer and I now know that he was endlessly talented. To watch him walk away from an exploding hospital dressed as a nurse is probably my favourite moment Ive seen on film so far this year. Also look out for when he makes a pencil disappear such a cool moment! Best supporting Oscar anyone?
Gotham is still engulfed by crime. Falcone's reign as the head of the mob is over and that seat has been filled by Salvatore Maroni played by Eric Roberts. What becomes clear is that there are also numerous other gangs within Gotham. Its no longer just one syndicate. They are all in some way in cahoots but the arrival of Batman has made it harder for them to operate.
Batman has inspired the city officials particularly Harvey Dent. The DA for Gotham city. This is really his story. The rise and fall of the white knight. He is Bruce Wayne's hope for Gotham City. A hero who doesn't have to wear a mask. A man who can inspire hope in the masses.If BB was about fear then TDK is about hope and is relevant in today's times. Harvey Dent is a good honest man who is willing to bear the weight of bringing down all the criminals on his shoulders and what that means for his own life and those he loves. In terms of his transition to Two Face all I will say is that everything online that Ive seen is fake. The moment we first see him in hospital when Harvey Dent asks Gordan what his nickname used to be in Internal Affairs and Gordan says Harvey Two Face and Harvey turns to him . Such a clever way of establishing the character. Even down to his double sided coin.Lets just say Aaron Eckhart puts Tommy Lee Jones to friggin shame!
The film feels more like a crime drama in a grand city scape than atypical comic book movie. It feels like Heat except Batman is Al Pacino and The Joker is Robert De Niro and just like in that film we have a great scene between Heath Ledger and Christian Bale across a table. There is also an element of a Greek Tragedy.. There is a vast sense of morality at play within the film.
Dent is trying to bring down the criminals and wants to bring them in under a RICO charge. To do this he needs Batman's help as he has to bring in the man who takes care of all their money. A glorified accountant as Rachel Dawes puts it.Think Al Capones accountant in the Untouchables. So Batman ventures to Hong Kong. It adds to the idea that this is very much set in the real world and its not just Gotham that Batman can access.
This all happens within the first third of the film. The run time is two and a half hours. It doesn't feel that long as there is so much going on within the film. Ive always felt Christopher Nolan was able to handle pacing unlike many movies that are over two hours these days. This is also his first entirely linear film and he proves himself to be a gifted storyteller and a master of utilising film as a visual medium. He fills each frame with so much scope and detail. You can tell he is enjoying himself with the amount of money he is being allowed to play with and wants to better himself and the franchise.Although this movie doesn't feel like an instalment in a franchise.The best thing I can think of for comparison is The Godfather Part 2.
There is no sign of the Batcave in this film. Although Alfred does make mention of it saying how he looks forward to it being finished.Bruce now lives in a pretty sweet penthouse apartment and his new batcave is in an underground layer in the docks. Bruce and Lucious Foxhave been working on the suit and toys although to my surprise the Batpod was in BB and nobody spotted it. It'll put a smile on your face when it makes its introduction.
Christian Bale owns this role. He is Bruce Wayne and he is Batman. He is also a third character in some regards as there are almost two sides to Bruce Wayne. The public figure, a playboy billionaire who knows how to spend his money and the Bruce Wayne behind closed doors who only Alfred and Rachel get to see. A man covered in bruises and wounds who desperately wants be free of Batman but is compelled to make a difference as no one else can. He can play the villain to be the hero as he does.
The second third focuses on the capturing of The Joker. The city is living in fear as he makes threats on national television that he always follows through with. You simple have no idea what he will do next. There appears to be no reason to his madness although that proves to not be the case.
I don't really want to give away anymore. I will say there is death but not in the way some of the fan boys who have watched the trailer are thinking. There is a prestige moment within the film that is a true Chris Nolan moment. The scarecrow is in the film but has a very minor role.
Just go see it on opening day in a room full of fans. Ill be doing the same and have no doubt Ill enjoy it even more the second time round.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I find it a little funny that when Nick and Jason (DC Comedy 4 Now) got here they named their blog that, now they're outta here lickedy split.... that's just funny to me. I wish those guys all the best, and just between you and I, Nick Turner uses too much tongue when he kisses. How do I know that?
Baltimore Comedy Factory.... Vince Morris!!!..... Jared Stern..... hold on, psst guys "Who the F*ck is Tyler Richardson?"
COLDPLAY'S NEW ALBUM IS THE SHIGGITY! I could go on all day about that but I had this great moment while listening to it yesterday. I was coming onto 495 heading towards Tyson's Corner and right as I came down the hill I was really into whatever song was on. I looked up and there were all these holes in the clouds and the purple and yellow light was almost spilling through the blueish sky. It was something that should be drawn and probably is. I was trying to tell Bryson about it last night, but he had a look on his face that said "We're guys, I don't want to share a moment". Their music is great to daydream to...
A Pedophile look-a-like is standing less than ten feet to my right. Yet I feel so calm, I must be old.
I don't care how the audience reacts, I never get tired of hearing "Give it up for Haywood Turnipseed" and seeing a BIG militant black man. I'm sure his laugh is ringing through everyone's head right now. I honestly don't think I've met anyone that is identifiable by laughter. Have you? Think hard, could you be in a room completely absent of light and recognize your mother's laugh in a room full of 100 other people laughing? I know I couldn't.
I actually had a Kojo sighting, for months now I've been under the belief that he'd taken console with Superman in the Fortress of Solitude. But, he's back apparently and with chin strap. One day I'll pay him back for getting everyone in the Laughing Lizard (this was over a year ago) to laugh at my fade. One day...
www.whysoserious.com/myhero This is a link to a new trailer of the Dark Knight where you see Two Face from behind. It's short but proves that the picture I put up a long time ago is what Two Face looks like. It's striaght to the point, I like that.
Does anyone else who plays Guitar Hero then have sex feel like a rockstar? It could be that it's just me, but I think not.
The news continues to shovel the stories of flooding in the Midwest down our throats, but does anyone care? Not even the people in the Midwest. One day, they'll let us vote online whether or not we care about certain things then we can get down to the real news, observe:
It's time for everyone to get the NEW Firefox softwareIn the first 24 hours the web browser was available the software was downloaded more than eight million times, says its creator Mozilla.
Statistics from the download servers are being scrutinised to produce an official figure that will be passed to the Guinness World Record organisation.
But the launch was marred by news from computer security firms who have found the first flaws in the software.
The attempt to set the download record was scheduled to begin at 1300 PST (2000 GMT) on 17 June.
However, the record attempt was almost wrecked from the start as the servers handling the downloads collapsed under the weight of visitors checking to see if new version was available.
Once the servers were up and functioning normally the record attempt began.
At their busiest the servers were handling more than 9,000 downloads per minute. Within five hours the number of downloads for Version 3.0 exceeded the 1.6 million set by Firefox 2.0 in October 2006.
In total Firefox 3.0 was downloaded 8.3 million times over the 24 hour record setting period. The figure beats the five million Mozilla predicted before the day.
Logs from the download servers have been handed to the Open Source Labs at Oregon State University for auditing. The scrutiny will ensure duplicate and unfinished downloads are not counted. The verification process could take a week to complete.
The surge of interest in Firefox 3.0 has continued and Mozilla has reported that the software has now been downloaded more than 10 million times.
However, some of the shine of the launch was removed by reports that a security firm had already found a flaw in the browser.
DV Labs/Tipping Point reported a flaw only five hours after Firefox 3.0 debuted. The flaw potentially lets an attacker take over a PC if a user clicks on a booby-trapped link.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
My Lawyer did not show up to court, nor did he return my phone calls. I was trying to pay him yesterday and that's apparently not a good enough reason to call back. I thought I was pretty f*cked when I got to the courtroom.
The worst penalty: 12 months in jail, up to 12 months suspended license and $2500 in fees.
I got: (drum roll please) $250 fine. And, I never paid that expensive piece of $#!t lawyer... HA.
I'm going to Stu's house (if ever there was a reason to celebrate now is the time) then I'm going to see The Incredible Hulk! I may even have a lady friend join me instead of the normal "D*ck Sandwich" that is my friends joining me. I'm happy. And, my schedule is nice for the next month or so with more calls to make today. Hope everyone has a great, safe weekend!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Chris White's observations of the DC Comedy Fest 08 acts were pretty on point. We have a festival with our name on it, but no one from the area is is the festival. WTF?! I should have taken the Fowlest advice and j*rked off instead of submitting, I'd still have $25 bucks.
As I speak I'm inhaling a GIGANTIC brick of Rice Kripsy Treat. It goes down smooth and sweet, like a Twinkie, like a Twinkie.
The DMV should hand out Snickers when you come in. Not because you'll be waiting forever, but since they don't care about customer service, the least they could do is give me candy before they f*ck me.
Cubicles were not designed for personal conversations. All morning I've been listening to a friend go through a hard time with her fiancee and then act great as soon as the phone hangs up. I can't help but listen though cause she's right next to me. And I'm curious, sue me.... awkward.
As a father, if someone who looked like Lil' Wayne ever came to my door to pick up my daughter for a date I would stand there confused and continue to ask him for the address he was looking for. Eventually, he would figure out that he was at the correct address but there was no way that date was going down. Of course, he would pick my daughter up for a date cause rappers don't date, they skeet on 'em. Please God, don't make me the father of a baby girl.
Coldplay's album should be available today, "Are you still reading this dribble of a blog?! I just said Viva la Vida is available today!!!! Get out there and buy/download that, it's hot fire!"
Gotta go get mine, Laters
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Monday, June 09, 2008
Friday, June 06, 2008
WHO SAW Andy Haynes crush last night on Last Comic Standing?! Disgusting thing is, they picked other people.... D*cks.
A disturbing surveillance video showing an elderly man getting hit by a car and then being ignored by bystanders has shocked — and shamed — many in Hartford, Conn.
An elderly man is hit by a car on a crowded street -- and no one stops to help.
Angel Arce Torres, 78, was trying to cross the street when a Honda plowed into him, sending him flying and leaving him lying crumpled and bleeding in the middle of the street. The driver of the car did not stop; but, even more disturbingly, passing cars and people on the sidewalk nearby did nothing to help Torres.
As Torres lay in the street, nine cars passed him without stopping. More than 40 seconds went by before anyone even stepped off the sidewalk to get a closer look. But no one went over to Torres' body to try to help or even divert traffic.
Finally, after about a minute and a half, a police car responding to a different call happened upon the scene and an ambulance was called.
The accident occurred last Friday, but Hartford's police chief released the traffic surveillance video on Wednesday, hoping to get information on the hit-and-run driver and make an arrest.
Chief Daryl Roberts also expressed outrage in a news conference Wednesday, saying "we no longer have a moral compass."
It's a clear indication of what we have become when you see a man laying in the street, hit by a car and just drive around him," Roberts said.
On Thursday, Roberts did say that four people called 911 after the accident.
Don't Want to Get Involved
Park Street, where Torres was hit, is part of a notorious high-crime area, with many residents unwilling to help police or be labeled a "snitch" by others.
People in the neighborhood struggled to explain why no one helped a seriously injured elderly man.
"This area here is hot, a lot of bad stuff," one man who declined to give his name told ABC News. "I gotta go now."
When asked why people wouldn't call for help, he said, "If you want to, but you're involved then."
Randy Cohen, who writes "The Ethicist" column for the New York Times, says a kind of herd mentality can take over during stressful situations or when someone needs help.
"When you are part of a group of people and you observe someone in need, there's a crisis, it's very difficult to get the first person to act," Cohen said.
Torres is reportedly in critical condition at Hartford Hospital.
Torres' son, Angel Arce Torres Jr., refuses to watch the video. "I can't see it," he said. "Even if you see a dog or an animal out in the street, you help them. And that hurts."
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Happy Hersday again, and there's Carl giving some sensual guitar. "Widdily Widdily Widdily Wa!!!"
Yesterday I watched Disney-Pixar's Cars.... still my least favorite of the the Pixar involved movies. Owen Wilson and Larry the Cable Guy, best friends.... ooops, I peed a little.
If I hear another person mimic Carlos Mencia's "De de de", I will $#!t.
Kit-Kat has a new Bar.... wait for it... New! Kit-Kat Extra Crispy. Basically a d*ck in a red wrapper that tastes like Kit-Kat. When I said d*ck, I meant it. It's pretty huge, and stacked like the pyramids, I got plans for this thing later. I'm gonna lure a child into traffic with it. Score.
I accidentally told me old boss, in passing, that I think he's a NY Giants' maniac. I'd heard that he got a tattoo of the Giants but didn't see it until today. Walking by, we say hello for the first time in two months (first time spotting each other) and I had to see this thing. He was showing to Asian women, old Asian women, around but didn't hesitate to bust that puppy out for me. I expected it to be a massive football player wearing a Giants' uniform, eating the heart of a Patriot (the solider not the team) and spread all across his back. He he lifted his sleeve and it was just a helmet, I laughed hard. I'd braced myself for nothing, then explained why it was so funny and he laughed too. He's moved from "The Fan" to Super Fan in my book. What's the difference? A Super Fan can provide for his family while expressing his love. The other, well, generally winds up in prison.
How does every unattractive woman manage to sound so enticing on the phone?! It's recockulous.
Is anything worse than passing the same person everyday who says "Good morning ____", but you never took the time to learn their name.
Most people's desks are cluttered with giant binders that they never actually open or realize are there. Yet, as soon as you touch one they "need" them. I've been giving some consideration to running up on someone's desk and trying to sniggity snatch one. I won't though, cause I like being employed.
Out of 7 people in my team, 3 came to work today. "Over some f*ckin' rain and not having power... really?!" How lucky everyone is that I have no power yet. Cause that's when I call SHENANIGANS, you need to use leave cause some water blew through at a nice pace. Throw on a rumpled shirt and let's go. This work ain't gonna f*ck itself out of bed... "what?" You heard me.
"And he never paid for drugs... not once"- Tim Meadow from Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
That was the best part of that movie. But if you love John C. Reiley like I do. Don't see this movie. Terrible.
Praise be to the wolf.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Monday, June 02, 2008
To the left is the now infamous picture of the alien that is peeping around in Colorado. Why is it hard for people to believe that we aren't they only things in the universe? Who says aliens can't look like Nerf balls? We keep putting them in movies to look like gray people.... then again, Jesus keeps getting painted as a white man. In Jerusalem? C'mon.Played Grand Theft Auto IV for the first time in weeks yesterday. I was doing good for about an hour, then Kevin came home. Kevin's my roommate and friend. Kevin beat the game already, so when I asked him how far he was, I expected somewhere close to me.... I was wrong. Right after he told me he beat the game I stopped playing. But, I did spank that @ss in Virtua Tennis 3.
Maybe it's the greenery, but I've written so many jokes out this weekend I feel good. I even took the time to flesh out some of the premises that I had in my phone. If you went to my notes all you would see is the line "Wet nightmare".... what the f*ck is that supposed to mean?
When God and the Devil shook hands once, way back in the day, the sweat from their palms made an Icee. That is why their so delicious, and yes, that's why they last 1 minute before they evaporate.
Coldplay was on the MTV Movie Awards last night. That is all, just thought you'd want to know when awesome things happened.
When is the last time you read so truly blasphemous $#!t? I bet it's been a while. Notice it's in red letters like the new testament. Relax though, God has a great sense of humor. We're boyz (notice the z), besides, he let me pay for Freddy Got Fingered....
Gotta go get some nourishment, but maybe I'll be back to blog later.... (Is he joking?)
- Tyler Richardson
- I blog during work to keep from sleeping. Unless people from my job are monitoring this, in which case "I love my job; I have a family". My dog Max is the man too. Other than that I think reading this blog gives a pretty good idea of what I'm about. Red Jell-o, need I say more.
My Blog List
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