Let's go to Richmond

Today I woke up and headed into traffic at 5:30 am, normally I don't leave home til' 7 so this is a "great" way to start the day. Plus, I fought a doupe the whole way up the interstate. My office is having a pot luck thing and I brought ice cream. Maybe I'm just weird, but since most of that food was for LUNCH, why would a couple of people that don't feel like paying for breakfast decide to just dig in. No one has been able to touch my ice cream yet, and that's a good thing cause I would smack their hands like a nun. "Can I have some chicken Tyler?"- supposed random douche bag; "No, N#gga it's 8:30 in the morning. Go downstairs and have yourselves some pancakes.... oh, and Happy Halloween. Hey somebody brought Honey Baked Ham?! Sweet..." Cause in the end I'm a huge hypocrite. And, a huge fan of HBH, but sadly there is none to be had today. Sadness

Apparently(cause it on every headline), officials have caught a kid that is personally responsible for one of the(14?)15 wildfires that took place in California. And, now like a guy that does an unattractive female with "bare feet", this kid's life is forever changed. That's why I keep declining to buy anything from all these parents trying to get their kid more sales in a fundraiser. Let they kill people, God, they kill people.

Is it necessary for every female that wants people to think she's sexy to be the devil for Halloween?! Grow up and post nudes of yourself online like all the other bad girls. Otherwise it's just a waste of my time. Hi Mommy.

Today, if looks could kill I certainly would have killed Charlie. He tries too hard to make me laugh, and that just irritates me. I've used the phrase "Charlie, I'm not child" at least 50 times in the last week. Somebody told him he was Bill Cosby, and then they left town. Now I'm stuck, an innocent bystander, and made to suffer while he laughs about it in upstate NY. It's like the Carlos Mencia thing, everyone seems to love the guy, but I(and some others, but let's face it, we're outnumbered) don't find him funny. The women in my section think Charlie is funny but every time he dances past my cubicle and says "It's THAT time PLAYA..LOL..I'm bout to make it Doo what it Doo! You got a magazine on ya PLAYA? {No Charlie, you ask me 8 times a day and it's always no.} Oh well, HA HA, I'ma find one pimp. Know wha I'm sayin?" The first few times I heard this, I really didn't mind. In fact I probably chuckled the first couple. Now, I bite my lip a little, remember I'm at work, and try to ignore it. But, the problem is the same as it was back in elementary school. Parents tell their children to ignore bullies and they will go away, they seem to forget that most of them have nothing better to do than see just how long you can avoid them. That's what I'm working with, but not really.

In reference to the movie Mr. Brooks, "When did William Hurt become one of the most deliciously evil actors of all time?" Everyone is raving about Kevin Costner, but Hurt is the one that makes him worth watching. Watch the movie and you'll understand. That's good S%it!

Richmond today, New York next Wednesday... I gotta start traveling on weekends.

My mother wanted me to take my sister to a Hannah Montana concert that she got her tickets to. I think I can imagine what that scene looks like and, well, "Have you ever seen a sad clown?" I passed.

I'm gonna go catch up on some much deprived sleep... oh, and work, so I'll have MUCH more to report tomorrow. Laters....

When you're smiling...

Sunny times, huh? I can't think of anything better than when someone heads out into the cold when it's sunny, only to get the expression knocked off their face by the bitter cold. Good times.

Tyler has a new video for our "Tyler vs. Tyler" show. It's my personal favorite cause we had a really fun time at Burger King filming it. Notice the well defined chin of TRich, if you will. Without further ado...



Hopefully, you'll enjoy too.

I'm going to try a little experiment, without saying what I hope will happen, I'll just say I'm going to finally put my links back up. It's been a long time since I did it, and we'll see if my experiment works. If you know what I'm implying, don't share the answers with others...

My nameplate at work, is heavy enough to commit homicide with. But, I feel important when I grip it like a killer and stalk around the cubicles at work. Yep, I'm that creepy guy who gets bored and scares people while they work. Oddly enough, they do it too. Weirdos.

I saw an SUV on the road today that troubled me. He had a sticker that said "Secession.... Just do what's right!" which is fine, but he had a RESCUE SQUAD license plate?! Is this bigot gonna be the only one around when I finally choke on a huge piece of Moussaka, and then not help me.

Guy: Oh my God, someone help. That guy is choking!

Rescuer: I got cha', point him out.

G: That guy right there, the one choking.

R: I... don't... think so. He's a chocolate, let his God sort that out.

G: You a monster buddy.

R: white power...

And, the whole time I'm die while flipping him the bird. For every racist that learns CPR, and angel loses it's wings. Fact.

I've given some serious thought to running over the Fowlest( J Jerkin' ). That's all, I just wanted to share that.

I realized, thanks to the females in my section, that the woman I make eyes with every morning(she's a 10) is definitely in her 30's. I want her even more now. As long as she ain't got kids. I just can't be somebody's Daddy. I don't even like to cook for myself, who's gonna feed him. Unfortunately, I have nothing to say to her. I froze today when the opportunity to say "hi" arose, and then we just smiled and walked apart. Not many beautiful women, notice I didn't say girls(18-26), are going to give you the time of day just cause you told them they were the most perfect thing you've ever seen. We need something truly great to say and some of the really fine ones just knock that out of me. Tomorrow I'm determined to speak though, and I'll give an update that will hopefully rhyme with "she threw me"... yeah, it's a Tuesday.

Well, I better get to eating my lunch and stuff(work). I've been having so much fun with the pictures every morning that I've been thinkin' of a video blog. I don't want it to seem like I'm jocking Schlegel though, feel free to let me know how you feel about that. And who is reading this from Woodbridge, VA. Show yourself, and give me Ice Cream. Laters...

It ain't cold outside

The weather is beautiful, the sun is shining and all that you need to know about yesterday was that "I had a stuffed crust pizza and spaghetti". Needless to say, I am becoming very good friends with the toilet this morning. But, sometimes you gotta stuff yourself. I started working out again for the first time in about 5 years and this is a reward to me... plus I haven't had spaghetti in forever. I guess that's because I don't cook.

Apparently women don't like it when you fall asleep while you're supposed to be chillin/on a date. I only know this cause I've done it twice to two different women and the response from both was not joy. They seemed a little upset and perhaps I won't see one again. Which leads me to Friday night. Jermaine and I..... excuse me, The Fowlest and I(that's better) went to Wiseacres where he did some time and I got to know the waitress better. I had super nachos(which come into play later in the weekend), and the headliner was really cool... Brian Unger I'm pretty sure. Great guy to talk to and then everyone went to a bar and invited J Jerkin'(The Fowlest) and the random black guy that was with him(me) out with them. There was no time for that though cause we were supposed to meet some young lovelies at the theater and see Saw 4. The movie started late, like 12:15, and I'm not the spring chicken or club rat that most might assume by the look of my buttocks... ahem. On a crazy note, I don't know if Keith the comedian is dating this girl that we met at Marymount U., but he just popped up at the movies and scared the S#it out of us. I believe the instant line from both of our mouths was "what the F2ck is Keith doing here?!... Hey Keith." I love Keith, I just didn't expect to see him, and especially not so pimped out with stunna shades on and dime on his right. Pimp on. I saw the first 5 minutes, ate some movie nachos(I ate like a fat man all weekend), fell asleep, woke to a knife killing, slept again, woke and the movie was over and said goodnight. Then we went home and proceeded to hand J Jerkin' the Guitar Hero butt-stomping that he so rightfully deserved.

Saturday I was lucky enough to take Jermaine to the station at almost the same time an accident went down. I wouldn't normally celebrate some one's death, but I drove back from Springfield to see that there was a parking lot on I-95 where I just came from. Sweet. I drank beer all day til' it was time to go to Ned Devine's. Rob Maher, Seaton Smith, Me... need I say more. Here is where the Super Nachos from Wiseacres come into play again. I could NOT stay out of the bathroom and I hate using public bathrooms. It got to the point that someone had the door open and wide open... even that didn't slow me down. I just started goin, not one of my better battles, and anyone who knows me knows what type of S$it it had to be for me to be in there at least 5 times that night... moving on to the comedy. The 6 people paying 100% attention were awesome, the 20 people in the back that were stoked about the lame outfits they had on... not so much. I felt like I did okay for what I was working with, but that ain't sayin much. Seaton commanded the room and got the attention of the people in the back by talking to them. I don't know why that didn't occur to me, but then again one of the first words out of his mouth was making fun of the one black guy with them. He had a sense of humor about it, but with my luck if I had spoke, he would have gone into a roid rage monkey fit. Can anyone see me gettin' S#it thrown at me while I'm askin' who has a PS3?

Rob Maher lives like a FAT RAT! That's all I will say cause I don't want anyone following him and jacking his stuff. I'm jealous, I didn't want to leave so I came up with a plan. I trick Rob and his roommates into throwing a party. I fall down the stairs and break my neck, here comes the genius... instead of suing I tell them to clear out a room and just let me live there. Forever, plus they had Guitar Hero, get the F$ck out of here.

Can't wait for Wednesday, I'll explain on Thursday cause damned if I'm gonna jinx this...

I look good today. Sorry, I just do.

Well, time to live out the rest of this day. Have a great Monday and let's get the hell to Tuesday. Laters....

Friday AGAIN?!

What's not to love about this picture? I figured in the spirit of this weekend, you might as well "Keep your pimp hand strong". Stay careful everyone and I'll see you on Mondeezy. Laters....

I exist, therefore I watch UFC!!!

I'm just excited cause for some reason I have the huge urge to watch the Ultimate Fighter when I get home(everyday this week), but tonight I finally get to see it instead of settling for something UFC non-Ultimate Fighter. You would think that when people get to fight at the end of every episode, that it would be no big deal for them to just get in an argument and then beat the Christ out of each other. But, apparently Dana White(owner) doesn't want people to think that these men are just monster's all jacked up on Roids or something... but who cares. We watch to see them fight, I could care less about their families, KILL SOMEONE.

Every once in a while, you get caught in one of the most disgusting situations possible. It's pretty awkward for you and if you're like me, you have no idea how to bring it to some one's attention. Today, I was standing too close to Charlie(co-worker, who luckily doesn't {possibly can't} read), and I caught a whiff of the nastiest morning breath I have encountered since the 7th grade. I love the guy but I disoriented me, and it was like I was high for a second. It started cause he laughed, and now I'm on a mission to never say anything even remotely funny when I'm around him for the rest of the day. I will punch myself in the stomach if I catch myself using even the slightest of wit when he's around today. I can hold back for one day.... surrrrrre. Moving on....

Does anyone care about the wildfires in the news? I don't mean to be insensitive in case you have family or CLOSE friends that are experiencing hardships. I just don't give a F%$k.

Of course I have to put up this clip of the 23-year-old woman from WV who was held hostage for several days. She describe the things that took place with such ease it's funny to me.... she drank urine. Just one of the things that took place, I don't want to ruin them all for you, but it's a though I was telling the story. That's how removed she was, but without further ado(remember to search "Torture victim details Horrific ordeal")....
http://www.potomacnews.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=WPN/HTMLPage/WPN_HTMLPage&c=HTMLPage&cid=1149188306363

I secretly listen to more of Chris Brown's music then I will ever admit to publicly... but will deny it up and down.

In case someone wonders why Frank Sinatra in pictured in this blog it's because I was listening to him all morning and since he's on my mind I thought maybe everyone should take a second and think of him. The man was monumental and I could give a sh#t about what type of guy he was, he was an entertainer. We miss you Frankie, and most of us didn't even know you.

I'm thinking I might go see The Nightmare Before Christmas, since I can't go buy it on DVD since they re-released it on IMAX this year. So, I wait, or I go and live out the wishes of the little 10 year old inside me and take my behind to the IMAX. Maybe I'm just weird but IMAX does not suit movies, it's too big. You gotta move your head just to watch the star programs and stuff, why do I want to move my head around for a feature film... 3 hours of moving. I'm still giving it some thought for The Dark Knight(Batman 2) but I'll probably just go to the normal theater. Though I must admit, the thought of dressing up like the Joker is really crossing my mind. I'd do it for Halloween, but I have plans already that don't really permit that.

Well, I guess I'll catch you all tomorrow. Laters...

DC Comedy: Me Love You

The reason for the title has to due with an interesting blog i came across at http://dccomedy4now.blogspot.com/
Look for the one that says "Bill Burr, I apologize.." I don't really know those guys, and lord know I'm not gonna talk trash, but it took a pair of brass ones for Mike Metz to speak up for himself after a stranger dogged him like that.... RESPECT. The comments were the most interesting part, they're not to be missed if you took the time to read through that whole blog. Moving on to this blog...

I couldn't help but notice that people are tuning in now, so that's why I titled this with curiosity. Now that I do, I will try to do a better job of making this easy to understand( Mr. Poon has brought to my attention that sometimes I have a tendency to read like Dr. Seuss... but without rhyming)( Hey Larry)

Apparently, rainy days cause traffic to slow down without accidents. If I'm going to be 2 hours late to work, the least I deserve is to see an Ambulance speed by every ten minutes and a dead body in the middle of the road every once in a while. That's not asking much, "would you want to see a solid 3 hours of previews without a movie eventually coming on?" Course not, Course not.

Despite all the bad things being said about Britney Spears, let me take her defense, and not the same way that (CLEARLY) gay kid did on YouTube. Yes, we know she's a horrible parent. Yes, it's true that apparently she has a drug problem. She's a little prone to acts of crazy such as:

-Marrying a random white guy in Vegas; she would annul this about 30-something hours later

-Marrying a back-up dancer(K youknowtherestofhisname)

-Deciding that having a reality show on UPN would be a good idea, revealing how crazy she is to every guy that spanked to her music in her golden age

-Cut off her hair.... I think there is a good place to stop...one more

-Cocaine, she's done cocaine

I saw the picture of her "naughty", and cringed. The 15 year old in me was taken aback. How dare I betray her. And now I think I've got it. She used to have the body of a Goddess and now the world has turned on her because she's mortal. How dare we? Think hard, did she really look that bad at the VMA's(not her dancing, cause yes, that was horrible)? Or, was she no worse than any average woman that you've had an "encounter" with? She just happened to be showcasing her mediocrity for the world. How would your girlfriend look in same situation? That's right... normal. Bottom line is, I'd still have her. Now, I might not beat you to death in a sprint to her bedroom... this ain't 1999. But, I would certainly let her pay to take me out to the Sizzler(if they still exist). And, she's still rich, I think. Britney when the world turns it's back on you, TRich will be there to pick up the pieces. I won't tell you "You the most beautiful woman in the world", but I will tell you that you were in the running once, and that's better than most can say their woman. So, remember the next time you snarl at her unbecoming picture on the Tele or in print.... "Would you kick her out of bed?"

I don't normally get completely 3 piece suited up for work. It's business casual so I generally keep it that way. But, today I decided it was a good day for a vest and suit pants. People treat me like I just had pectoral put in. I guess I feel a lot like a woman that is revealing too much in public. People keep asking me if I'm having lunch with one of a few women, my response is "No, I just felt like putting on a vest today", ladies I understand. But, truthfully I put this on so women would look for a second or five longer, and it's working. So, next time they tell you that blouse was for them... they're a Mother#$ckin' liar!

Tyler vs. Tyler Nov. 10th Ballston Commons Mall.... Watch the video at http://www.tdcpresents.com/ then wait for the next two to come out shortly. If you like it, you'll love the next two(that's right get anxious, that's what we want you to do).

My plan from yesterday to shake the girl at work did NOT work. Now she's just trying harder to speak to me(annoying me). Can females not see the look of disdain and, in general, disinterest?! Oh well, I'll shake her. Just in case your wondering why I would want to get rid of this female, it's because she wants to play hard to get. I'm too grown and too impatient for those games.

I just found out how to view sites(YouTube, MySpace) that are blocked at my job. Now, if I ever used those things at home, I might care about being able to use them at work. But, this does mean that I don't have to wait to get my fix of a cat doing the Macarena on YouTube... YEAH!

Alright, well it's been Wednesday... I'll get back with you guys in the future. Laters...

A Tuesday that started with Chili...

Here is the first promotional video for Tyler and I's show:
http://www.tdcpresents.com/
I hope you enjoyed the video, we certainly had a fun time making it and there are more to come over the next week or two. Just come folks.

Performance reviews are always fun, cause for a second I always think I'm in trouble. Luckily, now that I've taken my 120 day review there won't be another til' May. I like how that sounds, now starts an era that I now refer to as "The Time of Tyler". Where I worry less about f'n up and more about just makin' sure to fly under the radar and stay lovable in everyone's eyes. By the way, it's getting ready to rain outside and I think we all know that means good things for me.

I've discovered how to cure myself of women that you are no longer interested in. All women(at least the EASY ones, that ones you never stay interested) have a lot of guy friends. After my last relationship I realized that being jealous is pointless cause you can't "handcuff these __". So, do what I did today when a female that you have no interest in won't leave you alone. Just all the sudden call them out on a random guy(she's probably banging him anyway) and that is sure to get you some distance. It took a lot of sarcastic "hey, it's none of my business" type statements but now I certain that if I don't go out of my way to be seen, she'll stay away. Write that down, "Women don't like jealousy"... apparently.

Alright, Tuesday.... I think I'm gonna go get in you. So til' tomorrow, Laters...

I hope you enjoyed the video, we certainly had a fun time making it and there are more to come over the next week or two. Just come folks.

Performance reviews are always fun, cause for a second I always think I'm in trouble. Luckily, now that I've taken my 120 day review there won't be another til' May. I like how that sounds, now starts an era that I now refer to as "The Time of Tyler". Where I worry less about f'n up and more about just makin' sure to fly under the radar and stay lovable in everyone's eyes. By the way, it's getting ready to rain outside and I think we all know that means good things for me.

I've discovered how to cure myself of women that you are no longer interested in. All women(at least the EASY ones, that ones you never stay interested) have a lot of guy friends. After my last relationship I realized that being jealous is pointless cause you can't "handcuff these __". So, do what I did today when a female that you have no interest in won't leave you alone. Just all the sudden call them out on a random guy(she's probably banging him anyway) and that is sure to get you some distance. It took a lot of sarcastic "hey, it's none of my business" type statements but now I certain that if I don't go out of my way to be seen, she'll stay away. Write that down, "Women don't like jealousy"... apparently.

Alright, Tuesday.... I think I'm gonna go get in you. So til' tomorrow, Laters...

Tyler vs. Tyler ?!

Who wouldn't S#it themselves when they saw this thing next to them in Antartica?----->

A couple years ago when Tyler S. and I both started comedy, we had an idea for a show that would pit us against one another. There have been several evolutions for this idea, and I think(God, I hope) that we have come to a show that will be funny and most of all, just as fun to watch as it is to put on. I have no idea when the videos that we shot to promote it will be ready to put online, but I was very pleased with how well they turned out. And, I was very pleased with the fact that neither one of us has a problem holding a straight face for a long amount of time. Stay tuned, cause I will definitely have more info on this show. (But, he didn't say when it was).... Oh, it's November 10th, 2007 at The Comedy Spot in Ballston Commons Mall.

On Sat. night, I went to the Laughing Lizard and for the first time in a little while I stood there and in front of oh... 20-25 people, pulled out a plate of shiggity and ate it for about 10 minutes. But, it's cool cause how would I know what's funny if people don't make it abundantly clear what is not? I'm a big boy and sometimes you don't get to make the hot blond in the back laugh enough to lose self respect and morals due to your comedic genius. Am I right? I did go flying out the door while "Supermaning that Ho" in front of Tim Miller though. One of the highlights of my evening.

If you are the person who works in my building reading this, please let me know who you are. Only a couple know I perform, and so I quite curious to see who you might be. Sorry, if I got off the beaten track everyone, but I use sitetracker and know that someone in my complex is reading since everyday it says the name of our company. Back to the blog then....

Friday's attempt to find some other common ground with my boss was a huge success since we spent the day at Hemlock overlook(basically "Field Day") doing teamwork training. We found much to talk about and overall... bonded. With that in mind, for some reason I still felt the need to watch espn's report on the Giants vs. 49ers game yesterday and make sure I could comment on in when he makes his usual 9:45 am walk-by. I'm sad, I know... but I'm a man who's looking for a promotion. Come on baby, daddy needs a new pair of shoes!

I traded in a video game on Saturday and was given $5.00, you heard me 5. Now, let me clarify, this wasn't some game for the original Atari or something. This game, WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2007 came out last November and I paid $69.99 for it. Now, I've been in this video game world for a while so I know I wasn't gonna get $30 bucks for it or anything. But, I'm insulted to think that now we're treating games like cars. No one should ever be given less than $10 for an XBOX360 game. What the point of crying about this you ask? On the off chance that a CEO of Gamestop/EBgames should search for the tag "pissed cause I received $5 for a videogame" I want him to know that I don't appreciate paying for his last happy ending. I hope her hands are ice cold next time Mr. CEO.... GD Thief.

Odyssey Michaels is the first person I have come across who, in a position to really help out someone, not based on friendship, but on what he saw as talent.... stepped up. I appreciate it more than I can express in a few words, but more importantly I plan to use it as a reason to never forget what I want to be like if I'm in the right position. I respect that, and Jermaine knows what I'm talking about, cause it doesn't matter who sticks their foot in the door first, the other is right on their coattails when the come in the room. Keep our community beautiful and lets all help each other out. With that said, if you have a negative comment to make like the jerk who told me to stop "word I won't use cause I'm blogging at work", be a man and have an identity so I don't have to think about drop kicking Racer X from Speed Racer. 'Preciate it...

I finally got a much needed haircut on Friday... it's not really that interesting I know but I walked around for a good two weeks looking like a runaway slave. Now, I feel like I belong in this century. JOY!

I jammed with Tyler S. yesterday in GUITAR HERO 2, I think he can attest to the almighty ROCK that is TRich.... recognize. Well, I got nothing. So, I guess we'll end this boring Monday with a joke...(I still got nothing)... Laters

The Ghost of Thursday morning

Tell me that ain't the look of an innocent man

Okay so welcome to Thursday. Feels something like a Friday, but with a little less umph! Like settling for the hot girl's friend who is almost as good looking and almost lets you go all the way. Ho Hum; But I digress(I just really wanted to work those words in, could you tell?) let's talk about things that make us smile shall we...

STREET FIGHTER 4-http://media.xbox360.ign.com/media/142/14211549/vids_1.html

SEE THIS TRAILER FOR THE VIDEO GAME!!!!!!

Yesterday I gave some much needed time to an old friend. Some of you may remember An American Tail: Fievel Goes West, if you do, go ahead and take a second to dance in that memory. Mmmmm that's good. I saw it was on and had to take some time and unwind to it, which I hadn't done since I was 8. Good times.

And, I finally caught up with this week's the Boondocks... A Pimp Named Slickback. Need I say more!

Now that they're putting World War III in all of the headlines and news stories(referring to a nuclear Iran), doesn't seem like there is no way to avoid it. As a sensible adult, you know that war is going to happen now because the tension is in the air. I had hoped that I would be dead before the end of the world, so if I put all my apples in the wrong basket, here are the things I believe I need to do prior to death:

- Hug Jake Young (?)

-Call my mother and inform her that I did steal A LOT of her change to buy a PS2 years ago

-Lead a team of non-Hispanic mean to victory against a team of Hispanic men... in soccer

-Return my copy of Transformers. They already play that in Heaven, with sequels. Sequels

-Take $10.15 from Eminem(Marshall Mathers).... I paid for Encore, I don't know about you

-Learn to play the Harmonica from Eli, then kill him... there can be ONLY ONE!(lightning strikes)

-Cha Cha Slide

-Cha Cha again

-Stand in line with every black comic that I respect in this city, and have Schlegel hose us for a picture... that's just funny to me.

-Apologize to Malcolm X in the afterlife for that last comment

-Taste the Rainbow

-Tell my ex I still love her

-Shower at someone else's place

-Run a mile while pooing

-Smack a boy my little sister likes(last chance to be a protective big brother)

and lastly,

-Hook up with the Devil and challenge that bastard to Guitar Hero II, "Let's see you top 96% of Freebird on Expert!" And, you KNOW that Mutha is goin' down. As Mike Way is my witness. I had to throw him in there, he's one of the only people reading this dribble. Word to mutha Mike, I wouldn't have him any other Way.

Let me go work, and drink Cherry Coke(my crack addiction). I'll get back with ya'll tomorrow. Laters....

"And the winner is Hampton"

Since most months of the year you have to wait to get back to an open mic, I thought I'd just let everyone who wasn't there last night(who wasn't there though) know exactly how it ended. I can't recall feeling happier for someone else. I don't want to leave any names out, cause I forgot most of the people's names I just met, but it was a good show all around and I had some slammin' chili. I guess I should say good luck to the Fowlest next month... but I hate him.

I got this new thing I'm tryin' out and it seems to be working; when a hot woman comes by, and it doesn't matter if they have a boyfriend, just stick a high five out there. They can't resist, and I know, "Who high fives anymore?" hot women that's who. It's great and could lead to future "talent"... time will tell on that one.

Senator Craig's interview with Matt Lauer was very similar to his situation with the bathroom. Because I find both hilarious, and I don't think he's guilty of this whole "gay" conspiracy. Sounds like a victim of circumstance if you ask me. Let's just imagine that he's not gay. He's in a bathroom, sees toilet paper on his shoe(he has a wide squat about him, very important), grabs it, and when he does so some cop next to him sees his palm and says that it "Go time". And, here we are, now there are some minor details that I can neither confirm nor deny. Such as whether or not he flushed, cause if he didn't and there was no "poo" then clearly he was in there to get him some. And, I hear tale of tapping his foot, which is yet another of the steps that lead to bathroom slammin'. I'm standing by my man, just like with THE JUICE.

I just got the tape of my Improv showcase in February and I feel a little stupid. I spent all this time, lil' bitter about not winning, and now I see why I didn't. Time is funny, which two of the bits at the end of my set were not.

I have got to find new common ground with my boss, I told him I was a Giants fan and now I'm stuck. That was not a lie, I just don't watch football that much so everyday I only have the most generic things to say. It's kinda like when the girl at the strip club tells you that she's new there and going back to school. You know that's a lie, and there is a brief pause between the two of you in acknowledgement, but then you both continue cause you don't really care. But, we have team building exercise and I plan on impressing him and seeing what else he's into. Here is my game plan:
Boss: You ready for the game on Sunday?
Me: My father was never around... do you like Guitar Hero? Cause I'm actually pretty beastly in that game and if you saw my skills then-
Boss: What?!
Just an example how well I communicate when I feel the need to impress, but one way or another I will convince him that I have the Midas touch. Especially when it comes to Domino.

I haven't been home too much lately but if someone has the new Radiohead album(I posted the link to it a few days ago) tell me how that is. I've read bad things from reviewers and good things from the fans.

The longer it takes for me to get my hair cut, the more I fear that I look like this guy Charlie that I work with. Charlie is a sweet guy, but has many problems. For starters Charlie is recently married, but his wife had two kids and then they had one. That's 3 for those counting and oh, Charlie is 24! It is the children that blame for his appearance most day and I also excuse him for them because that's a lot of %$^($@# kids man. He doesn't even shave and he's got the same patch coming in on his chin that I would if I never wanted to hook up.... ever. I can tell that he thinks it's cool cause he's always playing with it. And, he acts like a mixture of Bernie Mac and Bill Cosby.... not a good mix. But, someone told him it works, and he found a woman(with 2 kids) who'll love him. My point is I don't ever want to be Charlie. But, I don't mind being around him all day. Oh Charlie

Apparently, no one wakes up with the time to drop deuce. I felt the chili kickin' this morning and had to make it work so it was one of the few time to make that thing happen at work. When I got in the bathroom I discovered that it's pretty popular at 8:15 am to do. It was packed and there were people from that side of the floor(cause I don't go near where I sit) that were standing in front of the stalls waiting. I finally got up and it was uncomfortable. Naturally I squeezed in a giggle cause of the Senator Craig thing, I thought how funny it would be to tap a foot and show my palm. But, then I got to business. This was the first time ever where people were clearly looking in the stalls to check on your progress and there was no messing around. You got about 2 minutes before the peep, and then they come every 15 seconds. Took me about 4.27 minutes. I got through at least 1 Lupe Fiasco song, I need my iPod... especially if the only other option are the grunts of grown men who eat HUNGRY MAN.

I think work beckons so I must return to the slave helms... laters

Don't buy females drinks at the bar....

It's a waste of money, either they will "creep" or they won't. Spending money has nothing to do with it. With that said, I deployed a little bit of Slick Rick's lyrics this weekend... treat em' like a prostitute.

I have entered the world of Halo 3. Now I've never really thought much of people who start to complain about getting sick or dizzy from video games but yesterday I found out the hard way. It was like someone put my head in a vice grip. When I finally got up and left the game alone, the veins in my temples looked like I just got done bench pressing with my face. I felt like I might cry and remembered the words of Bishop Magic Don Juan "N#gga Please!" It helped, then I made yesterday a very short Sunday by starting my coma at exactly 7 pm.

What is up with friends that get girlfriends and completely put them in front of every other decision due to "Vagin". How dare you... though I speak of my friend Kevin, I see this come true for so many young men in this generation of promiscuity. If they don't constantly blow you off for said "giney" then they bring this person everywhere they go. Situation:

Guy: Hey we're gonna road trip to Wrestlemania(why not? It's a guy thing)

Whipped Guy: Awesome, let me tell Laura!

G: What?!

WG: What, you don't like her?

G: It's not that, I just.... didn't know she like wrestling.

WG: Ah, she's gonna love it.

G: You guys aren't gonna argue the whole time are you? Cause it makes me pretty soft when you guys do that.

WG: Nah, it'll be cool. WRESTLEMANIA!!

(About here is where the first guy should say)

G: Hey never mind man.

WG: What are you talking about? Stop overreacting man.

G: Bros before H-

WG: Stop there man, fine I won't bring her.

G: Sweet, was that so hard? Hey _..

WG: Yeah man.

G: I love you.

WG: Love you too.

(that's just the way any conversation should end)

And they lived happily ever after.

Grind everyone...grind!

Last night was very cool, Keith was great and got things kicked off. The Fowlest came through and rocked that mutha next and might I say with the energy of 10 year old with a full can of Full Throttle in him(he was high energy for those that haven't had the drink). McBride was too cool and spoke with suck "laidbackidness" I hardly realized he'd taken my wallet. And, I didn't walk everybody out of the room so all-in-all, it was a fun time. If only I hadn't told everyone one to get the wrong form, we'd have been paid then instead of through the mail. I'll get it right next time.

How could I have forgotten about The Boondocks coming back on the air finally in my last blog. If you didn't see it I'm sure there will be ample opportunities to catch it and the other new episodes of their second season. Oh Uncle Ruckus, how do you do it? You made me fall in love with you even though you hate me...

Where the hell is 24? Soon my children. Although, in horrible news, Keifer Sutherland will have to serve a little jail sentence while the show takes a break in filming in November. I could care less about Keifer, but why are they giving Jack Bauer a break from filming?! Stay focused, there are people jonesing all across America for our fix and you need a break to what? Be with family and stuff? Come on...

If you ever want to know anything about anything, I suggest you give this website a try http://www.ign.com/ (movie news,video games, electronics, news, music, you get it?)

Women can be cruel. What? That's a fact.

Apparently, Johnny Gill's "My My My" is longer a top hit in Korea. I only mention this because the views per day requesting that song have dropped. Come back, I miss you... unless you live in North Korea. You can stay away. And why would you monsters in the North love the smooth 80's sound of Johnny Gill?

Does anyone know someone who bought 50 Cent's record? Me neither.

Radiohead has a website up where you can pay whatever you want for their new album. Yes, you can pay nothing if you want and get it completely for free. If you love them as much as I do then go find the website on your own... nah, I wouldn't do that to you. Here:

Radiohead.com

Was that predictable or what?

Alright, I'm supposed to be working so take this little poem and live your day in joy like the Mighty Zeus commands:

Madness

(For Sara Teasdale) The lonely farm, the crowded street,The palace and the slum,Give welcome to my silent feet.

As, bearing gifts, I come. Last night a beggar crouched alone,A ragged helpless thing;I set him on a moonbeam throne --Today he is a king. Last night a king in orb and crown

Held court with splendid cheer;Today he tears his purple gown.

And moans and shrieks in fear. Not iron bars, nor flashing spears,Not land, nor sky, nor sea,Nor love's artillery of tears

Can keep mine own from me. Serene, unchanging, ever fair,I smile with secret mirth

And in a net of mine own hair

I swing the captive earth.

Laters...

"That's not funny."

I don't think it's fair that I left you for days without the awkward nuances that we now can refer to as TRichisms. It just seems wrong to me, so for the 3 of you here we go..

Though I pretty much live like a couch potato/Internet surfer nerd while I work, I received my productivity report yesterday and I am 110% as far as my section goes. My only response as my supervisor proudly congratulated me; "I am very pleased with myself"(now imagine it said as though some @sshole felt he could do better). Ah, good times.

Wendy's now puts a standee in the line while you wait where you can stick your head through and look like you have a wig on... genius. I don't care how many times I see it, I still giggle a little bit when someone sticks their head through. The only thing funnier would be if someone met the eager lad with a punch from Jesus right as he giggled at his handy work. Ah, violence.

As I shared with Tyler S. today, I'm a little disturbed that I find this story so funny...

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/B/BOYS_FOUND_DEVLIN?SITE=VAWOO&SECTION=US

It's mainly the events of him taking the kid back to end it all, and what conclusion mercy led him to.... I hope you get what I'm saying. I never claimed to be mature.

So, tonight there is a show at Marymount University. That would be Jermaine "The Fowlest" Fowler, Keith (the comedian, I'm not sure if it's just Keith now. I think I like (just) Keith more.), John McBride(no nickname I'm aware of.... but does he need one?), and me. It's gonna be a lot of fun, and who wants to miss fun. And there were plenty of fine young women for everyone!

I've decided it's time to man up and start an open mic. More on that to come, but believe if I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna try to follow good examples like Rendezvous, Soho, etc....

Anyone that is just happy with life and more importantly, their life, go ahead and smile for a minute. We never reflect on how sweet this whole thing is til' it's too late. Now, if only it weren't so damn hot on my floor! Laters.

What?

What is the point of worrying?
Why bother. In the end it will be what it is and there is no getting around that.

What it point of paper money?
We just keep playing hot potato with it and in the end someone picked their booty and gave you money. Now you have booty fingers... UGH!

Why was God cruel twisted enough to make some folks(blacks mostly) lactose intolerant?
Ice Cream tastes like he dipped his finger in every spoonful... like heaven.

What is the point of letting me see pictures of the Joker when I can't see The Dark Knight until June of 2008?
I can't sleep, I can't eat... what do you want me to do Warner Bros.?! I have bills to pay. I can't just pick and leave it all behind to move to Chicago and watch you film. I want to but.... you know what; let's just move forward. Ahem.

Why can't I ever find a place to park in Adams Morgan that doesn't involve me going to the ATM machine for almost $20?
The man who charges the least to let you park there is never there to take your money and verify that it's your vehicle. Just don't smell right...

Why is Jermaine Fowler the "Fowlest N@gga on the Planet"?
Have you ever seen him dance? No further statement on that question

Why don't people get to vote on what is and is not illegal?
I think we'd have quite a shock and the cops could go harass the killers and pedophiles.

Why are their always two horrible colors for everything?
How many people are really paying for a LIME GREEN iPod? Ugh!

Why is it okay to discuss what old people do when no one can see them?
All this talk of Viagra and things, I just want to think of my grandma as a saint, okay?

What are Thursdays good for if not to reflect on the many questions the spring up during the day? Oh wait, they're good for Twister... Laters

Wedding Bells...

This is what black children are being taught in school? Oh, Malcolm X "Help us".

If anyone saw that and actually assumed that I'm getting married "You should slap yourself!" But, I did go to a wedding. It was very cool since this is the first one I've ever been to. And, I was a groomsman which meant nothing more than standing for the whole wedding and sitting at a table completely away from everyone during the reception. Though, I was looking fine with my tux going on.... stag is a lonely horse to ride. Would've been nice to have a companion then, but then I'd have to worry about "When are we gonna get married?" and that is talk I don't ever want to hear.


Went to Marymount University on Weds., and got some feedback from the man who signs the checks. Apparently, when I'm clean I have a look or tone about me that says "I'm holding back cause I really want to swear right now". I think that might be running through my mind, but I don't think it's that I only find fowl things humorous, but I do think that a lot of the things that are funnier to me are involved in adult situations. But, I guess I'll have to work on that. I consider myself hard as stone when it comes to criticism, but that one kind knocked the pride off my face for a 10 min. period.


TYLER Vs. TYLER


November 10th 2007


@ the Comedy Spot


Recognize HO





Could it be possible that I'll kill him there? Yep. Will the cops be close by? Yep. Will The Fowlest and Anupama be there? Yep, next question. Singing? Check. Skits? Check. "Just Go".





Do you have health insurance Tyler? Yes I do. I just enjoy asking myself questions and answering them. I'm done with that now. If you're a female who has a boyfriend and is still willing to get to know someone that you know only wants to sleep with you, you're a whore. Could be worse, like a killer, but you need to accept that simple fact. I played HALO 3 before paying for it and now I don't want it. But, since everyone and their grandmother has it, I must give in to this worldwide peer pressure. Gotta work but laters...

"A lot more hookers in Atlantic City than I thought..."

So, my office just had a major program go down for a while and I figured it the perfect time to catch the four of you up with my weekend. So without further ado....

The trip started with me getting ripped off at Nextcar rental. Horrible rental car place. Then we hit the road. I was under the impression that AC would only be about 3 hours from where we lived but I WAS WRONG. Six hours of jamming to random songs on my iPod and smelling the farts of my life-long friends, and we arrived. It was my friend Josh's bachelor party and getting strange was my primary objective. The events that took place did not result in success. We pulled close to the Casino that we had our suite at, but to our dismay the person behind the wheel did not know where to park. As he circled I had to go to the bathroom so bad I could taste it. We we finally did check in we made our way to the casino portion of the hotel. About now-ish is where the quote from the headline came into play. I noticed a man actually get turned down by a prostitute. I can only imagine he was found a day later hanging from his closet. Poor poor man.... moving on. When we switched over to Caesar's Palace, we got verbally molested by a group of about 5 plain clothed prostitutes. It's sad when your a hooker that's not even in uniform. At first I thought they were just really unattractive girls, then some of their questions steered me to the unfortunate truth. "Ya'll getting ready to party like a ROCKSTAR?" What do you say to that? We said "nope", but they didn't just go away. Then Josh tells them that we're from Virginny and they assume that we're big spenders here to gamble and pay for sex. How wrong they were. I noticed that my friend Mike and Nelson were getting ahead and basically leaving us to talk to the unattractive pros' and so I said "They guys up there are pretty shy but the one on the left's name is Nelson and the other is Michael. Help them out ladies." Revenge is dish that ain't bad served luke warm. After they shook the hookers and found us it was onto gambling. Somehow my friend Kevin was under the impression that there was a 3 am last call. So we all shoved free drink after free drink down the hatch. Come 3 am we were shocked to find out he was wrong and now everyone but me(cause I drink like that everyday) was so hammered we had to run to McDonald's to keep them from throwing up. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. The slots treated me great, Blackjack... not so much. I played one hand and decided I don't like losing my money that way. We jumped from casino to casino and when we arrived at one a Spanish man said to us "My what a fine night to be such a fine young man!" I didn't hear him say that so as he approached us I stood there while everyone kept it moving into the casino. I suppose I was looking for a fight but that's not what was in the cards. He walked up to me and with a tear tattooed on his cheek(D-Block) he said to me "You lookin' real fine tonight. Why don't we...." that was wear I bolted to my posse. Propositioned by a man, does it get any worse. By day one I was up(winning) and life was lookin' pretty sweet. I lost all the winnings in day two. Didn't lose money, but all my glorious winnings went right back into the machines and hands of dealers that they came from. I did see a man that literally had hands growing from his armpits and he was in a wheelchair in the middle of the hot hot sun. I wondered if that was the best place to be if you're a man that can't wipe the sweat from your face. I couldn't take a picture because my friends and the laughter wouldn't allow it. Mostly my friends though. I will add some pictures to this when I get home though. And, then of course there was Nelson, Mike and I placing bets as one person at Roulette tables for about 3 hours before we left cause we were cheap and refused to visit the ATM. Well folks it was a weekend. This weekend.... my first wedding. Laters...

All you need is "luv"... right?

Before I forget, let me share a scary story with you. Yesterday, as I sit on the toilet(preparing to drop)I looked at my finger and saw the most amazing yet really horrible thing. A little bug. It was almost transparent and so tiny it was like watching a baby termite or something. Here is the troubling part though... I think it's in me. It ran out from in between my finger nail and the skin above it... ran the length of the nail, then went up under another side of the skin. It was so awful all I could do was stare at my hand and going "What the hell was that?!" That's a Wednesday I guess. Don't worry, if I encounter that dreaded bug again I'll be sure to let you know.
And now, drink from the fountain of knowledge...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20844553/

"Yeah, it is a beautiful day... wait I'm gonna poop."

Don't wonder, that quote was a treat that I received courtesy of my friend Charlie earlier this morning. Bless his horrible soul. The last several days served up a lot of potential stress. But, the big G was looking out for me. Respect.

Let us go back to Saturday. I, a young man with buttocks of a God, am making my way home from a lovely little town call "Alexandria". As I sped home at a brisk 90 mph, I couldn't help but notice that my accelerator wasn't functioning anymore. I pulled over....think...thin..got it. I call McNelson and inform he and Kevin that their negro is quite a jam and could use a couple of chaps to come and help me hump this bad situation into submission. They showed up about a half hour later. We ride... home. I wake up, being a procrastinatory(I do believe I just made up a mantastic word just there) chap I did not call to get the car towed from I-95 immediately. That's where I F%cked up. Upon speaking to the towing company I'm informed that there is a good chance that my car has been impounded already.... like modern day Gypsies they read my fortune. So, the police were very polite in getting me to the people that now had my vehicle... asses. And, wouldn't you know that when I called they had just gotten my car. If only I hadn't lied in bed for a hour before getting up on Sunday. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday....ah(wasn't I telling a story?! Better get back to it then) So, I find out that it will be a couple hundred bucks for the impounding (AHHH) and then it needs to be towed( Jeez) and then someone gets to tell me what's wrong.... my worst fears were confirmed. The Korean men that I spoke to put it very simply in their "fresh off the boat way" ahem---"Your car not get OIL for long time. adsfd dsadsa ENGINE dadff gaggad." There is a word in that second sentence that should stick out like a sore thumb. Then we get a night of waiting to hear what magical number he pulls from a hat to fix the car. I'm horribly cheap, so waitin on this call is like waitin to get home while at work suckin' back a "No. 2". Finally, the number..... I don't need to tell you that I wasn't excited to hear it. But, let's focus on the positives here...... yep, there are none. But, you'd never know about trouble if you were looking me in the eye cause I was a rock. I just don't shake or tremble.

Bachelor Party this weekend. Should be fun, and yeah STRANGE. Although, and it's gonna sound pretty gay, I don't have the energy to chase these females. I think people get all types of productive things done when they pretend like the other sex doesn't exist. Like today for example: I'm going commando but due to the fact that I'm working and walking flirting, I don't have to worry about a chubby friend of ours creating any awkward situations. Cause all it takes is a good perfume and your pal( and mine) is ready to meet everyone and get a good smell of'um.

Even though I know that my job is looking at our emails, I still keep opening emails from people that I know will curse while I'm at work. I must stop this, but the words OPEN THIS OFF THE CLOCK are never in the subject line, so I get dooped everytime.

Laters

What a couple of days...huh?

Not even gonna touch this, but Mike Blejer won the Improv showcase.... congrats. Will I'm sorry man.

Went to Baltimore last night for the Funniest competition and didn't place. Not crushed though, I guess I'm getting used to not winning competitions. But, like any arrogant jerk I refuse to believe it's cause I'm not funny. Interestingly enough though, I did get caught in a cloud of crap. There was a corner next to the door that I immediately noticed "wreaked". The way that people smell if they spent a whole night sweating and it smells very acidic. I began to sniff around and try to figure out if it was someone near me or if it was indeed me. There were a lot fo fine women there so I did everything I could not to lift the arm and sniff the pit. I even had my head in the trash at one point. Still couldn't pinpoint it though. A waitress came up and was throwing something away when I couldn't help but notice her staring at me. I know what she was thinking and for once I don't think she liked me. I think she blamed me for the funk. Come the end of the night, I began to wonder if standing in the stink cloud could actually overpower the Dolce & Gabbana cologne I had on and make me genuinely stink?! But, I had no choice. So, I stank. To whoever left that cloud.... I hate you a little.

Tyler vs. Tyler will happen this year so wait for my command. Then do. Then do.

Females.....HAHA. The past couple of weeks have been nuts, but it's always when you start to feel like a pimp that God sends the biggest pimp slap of all. He keeps it strong. So I like to think I'm getting mine semi-strong.

Kanye's Album is bananas!! And it's only right that he's outselling 50 Cent. The only thing that would feel better is if it were Lupe Fiasco instead of Kanye. It's about time that lyrics meant something to most people. The day of Nelly is DEAD. Favorite track on the album(the only thing that feels like a rip-off is that there are "13" TRACKS, that's for R&B singers. NOT RAPPERS) has got to be Everything I am. " never could see why people'll reach a Fake-ass facad they couldn't keep up Y'see how I creeped up? Y'see how I played a big role in Chicago like Queen Latifah? I never rock a mink coat in the winter time like Killa Cam Or rock some mink boots in the summertime like will.i.am Let me know if you feel it man Cause everything I'm not, made me everything I am." Just got get the album.

Next weekend is my first bachelor party so.... we'll see what type of strange I can get into. I don't care if it's 85-years-old, just let it be strange Lord.

Fowlest I see you man, I still hate you.

Alright, that's enough random thought for today.... and in case you didn't notice I'm tryin' to blog like I used to. Laters...

American Beauty

Just a little quote that I think is good for reflecting on any day.... but on a rainy day like this maybe it will sink in more.

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad,
when there's so much beauty in the world.
Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once,
and it's too much,
my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst...
...and then I remember to relax,
and stop trying to hold on to it,
and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life...
(amused)
You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry...
You will someday.

Sippin' Pink Lemonade

The blog is titled that because I am. Now you know that. You might have noticed the handsome young man that is to the right--->
"How are we supposed to wait?"
Maybe if I just jump off of something and land wrong(a.k.a. correct) then I will jar something in my head and spend some quality time in a coma that I can awake from just in time. Priorities people, priorities. I'm watching the 40-year-old Virgin at work and noticed something. Though I remember seeing a breast or two, there are a lot of them and it makes watching that a little weird when my supervisor could randomly come to the cuby and ask me a question. It would only be awkward since she's an innocent older Caucasoid. But the good kind though, I seriously doubt she would own slaves a couple hundred years ago.

What else is new? I had a rather interesting night a week or so ago with a Spanish friend. I went to said Spanish's home under the impression that I would be making an "impression"... how wrong I was. Spanish had just moved and I believe that a part of the date was supposed to be me going to work on helping. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not "that" guy and now she knows. So, she asks me to bring BOOZE, and another good friend that I will not name at work(wink). To me that spells "impression" time. I bring a movie, The Big Lebowski, seemed like a good choice at the time but in retrospect there were some other choices that would have been better. Everything is cool til' I lose patience, it's time to make this move....
Me: Did you wanna lay out?
Her: Okay.
M: (stretches out on sofa)
H: (lays opposite)
M: Oh, I meant this way(meaning along my body..duh)
H: (Lays and pauses) I'm not comfortable.
M: Okay well you should be comfortable...
The next oh... 25 minutes I was really exhausted from a long day and the thought of not closing said deal was enough to drop me like a bag of sand. When I woke up, she was laughing and the movie was over. Snores were mentioned and made nicey-nice and did the whole call me thing. I was pretty aggravated that I drove all that way for that, brought my friend, and she's not comfortable. About 4 days later it would come to my attention that when she mentioned comfort she spoke of the position and not the situation. Oh what a fool I am. Or on the positive side, maybe she's got the clap and God was given the ol' block of justice.
Tuesday: Kayne's album drops!!
Wednesday: I don't know
Thursday: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Friday: Pay-day.... always nice.

Before we say our "laters" let this picture ease your nightmares. I bring you..... the best marriage proposal ever.
http://www.dvdenlared.com/data/docs/20070728020952/darkknight-1.jpg

Laters everybody

I just found out that next Monday is a holiday!

It's great when the holidays that don't actually mean anything sneak up on you. I can only imagine if they start declaring something like Flag Day a federal holiday. Ah, how sweet that would be. Labor day.... get serious, but like any breathing black male I will take this holiday to reflect and hopefully the good Lord will giveth some "strange" unto me. Three day weekend...

Allow us to move on to events of late. We had a really comfortable show at Riot Act on Thursday, I don't know how Sampson does it, but he rarely disappoints. Friday I beat my friend Charlie Rutherford in Madden on the Wii. I don't own a Wii and it was pretty difficult to get used to, but in the end "I love a good comeback story!" is all that rang through the halls of Richardson. I was winning by one point and then with 2 sec. I pull of a beautiful pass that earned me the opportunity to say "He could, Go, All, the, WAY!!" Good times(sigh). Saturday... Sat... I guess I'm drawing a blank(I think you might be able to imagine why, if not you don't know me)... Sunday was kind of a bad day. Let's roll through the list:
1) had to drive up to Springfield to get the Fowlest.
2) got ticket for expired tags, which really caught me off guard. Plus, I was drunk and the cop was very close to my face.
3) was running late to Springfield, so was the Fowlest.
4) wait at Springfield for 15 mins., the the Fowlest calls and explains something is wrong with a train so now I'm flying solo....I still love you Fowlest.
5) This probably should be #1, but I didn't want to get gas cause I'm cheap so the whole time I'm watching for the gas light to come on while I drive to Richmond.
6) I get lost on the way, as I always do.
7) Ray says there might not be a show but he'll pay me anyway.
8) there is a show and it went really well...this is the only good thing about the whole day.
9) Halfway home I realize that I attempted to start a tab and left my card back at the bar, now I have to call and cancel that card and wait for another to come in the mail.
10) Arrived at home and discovered my roomies had eaten my pizza... bastards.
Well, that was my yesterday. Could have been worse but since I was there for all of it, it seemed to suck through my eyes.

But, I'm not going to end the blog whining, just needed to vent for a minute. So here is a gift from me to all the lovely reader who give me 30-34 sec. of their time everyday:

I CAN DREAM

By Annabelle Aeng

there's no fairy godmother

to make my wish come true.

no genie in a bottle to bring me to you.

no prayer on a fallen star

no magic potion in a jar.

but i can dream and when i do.

i dream that i'm there with you

Hey Kids!!!

Well clearly it's been a little longer than I remembered since I've blogged and junk. Where do we begin...

Saw Superbad and I must say that it's all good. I didn't expect much but didn't want to see anything else and then... magicism. And, yeah I made that up. I also bought Bioshock for the XBOX 360, need I tell you that it's the cat's pajamas(with a dead serious face).

At the Lizard last Saturday(I'm gonna make this quick) McBride caught me droppin' the deuce. I think that's all that really needs to be said. It's clearly still on my mind.

I've become quite addicted to S'mores lately. Is it the chocolate? Is it the marshmallow? The other question shall be riddled inconspicuously somewhere before the end of the blog for my own amusement.

I made a girl cry at work, and would love some feedback on this if you think I was wrong. Somehow the subject of dating came up at lunch and I eventually let it be known that I can't be with someone that is heftier than I'm comfortable with. She(being not slim) takes this as "well you really didn't love her then." To this we went back and forth and eventually she burst into tears(very awkward for me) and walked away. Slightly before Niagara Falls, I was using the point that if she were to say "I could never date a black man" it would just be something that you weren't into and couldn't deal with. But, maybe I was the bad guy for even having that conversation in the presence of a BIGGUN.

Got my green..."You know what it is" and if you don't you're a great law abiding citizen.

Today I finished my work with about 3 hours left in the day so now I'm at a point where I just get to be creepy and walk around talking to folks while they attempt to finish what they were doing. By the way, I just realized that my recording of my singing "God must have spent a little more time on you" is on my iPod cause it just started playing. "Is it the Graham Cracker?"Sing it TRich, SING IT!

DMX has a greatest hits album.... now go harm three people that are only casual acquaintances. When asked "why?" tell them "Cause I'm a Ruff Ryder!"

Happy Thursday and I think I'll end with this thought. Look at the dog at the top of the page(waiting) now whenever your upset remember that dog was unable to kill itself. God has such a sense of humor. And, yes, the ugliest dog in the world is dead now. Laters....

It's Always Sunny in Virginia?!

The recent heat wave has left me with a permanent case of swamp-gina.... you know exactly what I'm talking about too.

Daniel Johns is something like a pimp.(feel free to e-mail me for details on that one cause it's juicy)

Saw the Bourne Ultimatum, it was the juiciest steak I've ever tasted. Go to the bathroom before the movie starts. Not cause of how long it is, and yeah it was a three hour tour, but cause if you miss a piece you'll miss out on the best karate lesson ever. Side note: after action movies like that, I find myself in that mode of "I could beat somebody down like that" until I bump into someone and realize that a fight can get a lot more physical than I was giving it credit for. I quickly turn back into my old self.

I case you aren't aware, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia will be returning to programming next month. By far the funniest sitcom that is on television and you should fall in love with Charlie Day if you have a soul.

The Lizard was very fun on Sat. night. There was Poon, Tim Miller Lite, Kojeezy, McBride in da house, Daniel Toke Johns, Herbs, and much more. I always have fun there. Weds. night was something, I'll just say that if you decide to go to the Ecstasy lounge "You better bring the audience with you" cause otherwise your in for some hard stares. That was set-up by the Fowlest...I still hate you.

Women....

I saw Garden State last night, which is yet another movie on the list of things I teased a friend about and later had to eat my words. Damn you Zach Braff. His humor knows no bounds.

Lastly(and this is old but most people haven't seen this yet), here is a link to check out what Heath Ledger as "The Joker"...enjoy. Laters

http://media.movies.ign.com/media/752/752133/img_4561410.html

What makes a week magical?

Is it rocking out with 5 stars on Guitar Hero 2...Jermaine Fowler would say no, but that's what haters do.
Is it my swag? That's just for those of you that purchased(or stole...but the code of thieves says not to steal from Tha King or Coldplay) T.I. vs. T.I.P.
Is it receiving a text message saying there your good buddy Kevin just took a gamble in front of Nelson and lost. For those that don't know what that means picture the last fart that you thought might turn into something more. Hopefully you weren't going commando in shorts like him.
Could this instant swamp-ass weather be a key?
Is it finding out that you won't be charged for your new BlackBerry until next month's bill, right before you get ready to shell out all the money?
Seeing Transformers? It really doesn't matter how many times cause that movie tastes like a cloud.
Is it hearing John McBride's voice? .... I really don't know how that made it there...maybe I'm not as straight as I always hoped...
Is it looking on DCStandup.com and seeing that your name falls right before Tom Myers? Seriously, what is that about? Love you Tom.
Maybe it's ordering your favorite meal and dancing in front of the waiter until they comp it.
It could be lying to my mother about having plans so I can squeeze in another several hours of Guitar Hero 2...Love you Momala
Falling in love. Had to put that one.
BJ...comes right after falling in love
Smiling with co-workers that frighten you cause they put mayo on everything
Maybe it's hearing Charlie from a few cubicles down give great detail every time that he's going to the bathroom.
Whatever it is that makes a week magical, I hope that we all take a few moments to reflect on it. I'm 24 now and man am I feeling old. Yet, at the same time I feel like a 75-year-old man who got died and got sentenced to do this whole thing over again. Ug... By the way The Number 23 came out today. Cop that shiggity, then go get Zodiac and throw them on your iPod so you can watch em while you work tomorrow like me. Laters....

TMI

So, tonight at 9 on XM channel 169, let's just hope that I can operate in the awkward silence of radio. I'm pretty familiar with that anyway so let's see if I can have a ball with it.

Completely unrelated, let me get a soul clap for my n@gga Nelson a.k.a. McNelson, that guy is officially an old man today and couldn't look better.... for 24 that is.

Work is a blast, my section is having a party today a little before I get off and YEAH!, there will be bracelets and OPEN BAR... YES!!! I love this place.

I've found a way to watch It's always sunny in Philadelphia and still get my work done. It's really not that big of a secret, but watching it while I work makes the day go by so much quicker. If you haven't seen it, just take two dollars and try one episode from season 2 on iTunes.

Spent this week trying to get Guitar Hero 2 out of my system. I discovered it with help from my Nelson on Sunday, and that was it... I'm in love. It was all I thought about all week, and it never gets old to me. But, like any love, I gotta play it cool and hope that she will be glad to see me whenever I can make time for her. Why are women so complicated? (sigh)

I hope that we're all having a sexy July, I went by the Hyatt and the Lizard last Sat. and must say that it was refreshing. I got to see a bunch of people I've never seen before at the Hyatt, then I got to see Mumma get up there and do what he does... make me salivate, cause that's good stuff. The lizard is full of people that I've seen before and I always enjoys stopping by that place. Very nicely done Tyler S., but you already know that.

Does it make anyone else laugh that Chris Benoit killed his son with his signature move? I can only reason that he didn't know to let go cause the referee wasn't there to ring the bell. Just MY theory...

Well, let's get back to working and stuff...and by the way Fowlest... I hate you.
Laters...

Wow, has it really been that long since we've danced

I guess so. Let me just start out by saying "F*** Jermaine", just had to keep that whole thing going. If you haven't seen TRANSmuthaf*******FORMERS you should take a meat cleaver and just start hitting yourself. That movie made me laugh til' I cried in one particular part. That would be when a fat man jumps through a plate glass window when he hadn't even done anything wrong, just to avoid the police. Good times, good times. T.I. vs T.I.P. just came out and folks let me just say that it was scrumptious, all the way from its head to it's Gator wearing toes. Drink it in.
Last Saturday(cause I have weekends now) I went with the sweetest ol' lady ever(Grandma) to "CHARLES TOWN, RACES AND SLOTS" if you didn't just sing that you have no soul. I got all gussied up only to find out that there were no women to impress. Instead, there were married people, fat women, spanishes, fat spanishes, and fat married spanishes....need I say that there were more spanishes than you can shake a fist at? I felt like yelling like Gary Oldman in Leon:the professional "Everyone!" the question being "who is spanish?" I had a great time and told myself that I would only lose a certain amount of money. The good news it that when I got ready to leave I won like it was rigged and only lost half of what I was prepared to lose. We calls that good karma. Spanishes
I'm excited about my new bits..... just thought I'd lob that on out there and see what that does for ya.

Spanishes

For some reason I continue to go commando even though I salute round the clock.... awkward at work. If you didn't get that sentence, read it again and see what your heart tells you.
It seems like a lot of comics around here are getting on t.v., so I decided to pick someone and stab them. Look for me on all of your local news channel yelling "Ba Ba Booey!"
Jose, come back to work, there are so many women and I desperately need a wingman. Sorry, you all had to read that but since he's in Cali, this is my way to communicate with him. But, Jose, I was dead serious about the wingman thing....he knows. You could also tell me if the Spanish that work on my floor is into me. Me thinks no.
I used to use the word Negro. Then I would get tickled to say Negroseph(like Joseph), but now it has morphed into Negrosephine. No one ever know what I said so it gets absolutely no attention paid to it. Not everything can be funny to all, some things you have to do for self, and that shiggity cracks me up Negrosephine.
The NAACP buried the N-word yesterday. I get the sentiment, but aren't we a little old to play pretend. They made a coffin people, and there were onlookers....
There were onlookers...
I had a pink sprinkled donut for the first time this morning. Thanks God it was free cause it tasted like a hug without the grind.
Spanishes.
Tyler Sonnichsen doesn't care to remember my name so I just misspelled his. Now, we're even. Aw, who am I kidding? I'll shoot him.
"What's up Fowlest?"
-Nothin TRich baby
"Kick me a beat so we can freestyle"
-(begins to beatbox)
I SLAP THE TASTE OUT OF HIS MOUTH
-What'd you do that for TRich
"Cause it's hot outside Fowlest....it's hot outside." I hate you Jermaine.
Laters....