Strangers with Candy

Yesterday was a pretty interesting day. I met an old man while walking around. This particular old man is white. But that's got very little to do with our story. His name escapes me at the moment but for the sake of fun, let's call him Jake. Every Friday or so, Jake will come by the place I work and sell massive pastries and things for next to nothing. And, it's delicious! He takes all this money, cause you better believe the fat people know to keep an eye out for him, to a charity and keeps enough to buy more ingredients. If that ain't respectable then I don't want to know what is.

Yesterday I walked Kevin to his car, cause he'd just wrapped up an interview. We had been kicking around the complex and seen Jake and the security people talking earlier. While I attempted to sneak in a side door without do a "stop and chat", I got caught. So there I am, pulled outside like a 8th grader that can't stop talking through class. Once outside, he told me to pick something. I'd never eaten any of his food, despite everyone comparing it to heroin.... Why do they have that frame of reference? I went with a safe bet, THE GI-HUGE-ON BROWNIE... with nuts. I was flattered that he would just give a stranger a free anything, so then the small talk begins.

He asked me where Kevin was, though I think it was put more like "Where'd your white buddy go?" I explained that he went home and just had an interview, and that it would be cool working together since we're roommates. He replies, "Yeah my partner and I started off working together, come to think of it we been together for 29 years now.... You gay?" I responded with the most non-homo phobic "no" that I could get out. So, then this man, who is an easy 65 really let me peek into the window of his mind. From there he eyed me up like a young stake. And, I gotta be honest, I felt like an attractive female that getting hit on by her boss. I didn't move and couldn't scream but in my mind I was restless.

Well, from that question forward, whenever I'd change the subject he'd change it right back to gay. "You see Transformers?" "YES... and I'm gay" But, I'm good on my feet so we played that game for a while. When the topic of me having a girlfriend came up all I could think was, "Wow, this guy is really trying to use Game on me". It was surreal being on the opposite end. I counted about 7 "You're an attractive man"s and he even let me know what he was into. So, at some point he was discussing massaging another man's feet. Apparently he's quite good and the other man went from trading sweets for foot rubs, to... well McSex(does the Mc make anyone else smile too?) Luckily, I didn't even have to end that part of the conversation because an Asian man walked up to buy something and he basically drooled right next to me. He watched him walk away after making a couple of sentences, then he turned to me and said "I like him... Mmmm, I love a good looking man. Right?" I had already told him I wasn't gay, so all I could think of to say was "What's not to like... except I mean, for the opposite side though." Not the best sentence, but we do what we can on the spot, right?

To end this story, a lesson that I learned:

There have been times when I thought the people that get kidnapped or raped might have brought it upon themselves. I have looked at their situations and said, "I would have..." but folks when it came right down to it... I took the candy.