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Monday, April 07, 2008

Uwe Boll will be silenced

That name might not mean a lot to you but let me spell out what it means to people who recognize that name...
-Alone in the Dark(apparently there is a sequel for this coming next year)
-Bloodrayne(2 & 3... did no one admit the first was a piece?!)
-In the name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
-Far Cry
-House of the Dead
There is a list of movies that are German, but no one would care cause we're no in Germany are we. Though I am sorry that "Ze Germans" have to endure even more of his horrible movies than we do. No one deserves that. Bottom line is, suck is suck. And if suck were given out in quotas, he has used his, his family's and even some acquaintances'. Uwe Boll's movies suck. The only reason that you would remember any of the movies above is because when you saw a trailer for them you said to yourself or whoever was next to you "Whoo, that s#!ts gonna suck. Let's go see Harold and Kumar:Escape from Guantanamo Bay!" Okay so there is now way that you could have said the second part, cause that movies a little too new. If you were unfortunate enough to spend your money on one of those then you understand why any one that wants to see a good movie version of a film is left flaccid once they find out he's directing it. Oh, did I mention he writes too. The only time that I recall being happy with anything I've seen in one of the two movies on that list I've seen was this: In BloodRayne, the main character is played by the bad Terminator from T3:Rise of the Machines. She's just be kidnapped and in a jail cell from the 12th century cause they're in 12th century(I could be a couple hundred years off, not important). Out of the middle of nowhere there is sex scene, but it creeps up on you. It isn't until some guard rips BloodRayne's shirt thing off and these beautiful breasts spill out that you realize "Oh my God, the Terminator's naked.... YEAH!!!!!!" And that is what happened with me, then I ran and got Nelson and saved him the agony of watching the entire movie. I rewound and watched them spill out togefa( that's slang ).
Well, Uwe Boll's last movie In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, was so bad that magazines and various sources (don't I almost sound like I'm in the biz? Nah? why not?) say that he will not be able to make an expensive movie again. No studio is going to give him $70 million dollars to make a movie again. I truly am shocked that he made that last one for that much money, cause in the trailer, the effects looked worse than Superman: The Movie. Is he pocketing all of the money? I wouldn't be surprised, he's German. No offense to any Germans that frequent this pleasant little blog, I just don't trust you. Which leads me to my point...
A petition was started and guess what people are banding together for? That's right, they want Uwe Boll to stop making movies, FOREVER. this is funny to me for so many reasons. You have to love the fact that a kid grows up wanting to make movies. He actually sets out and does it, and guess what? He gets noticed. Next thing you know, he's a grown man who is in the entertainment industry and making deals for ridiculous amounts of money. He producing, writing, directing and apparently pocketing money from these big adaptations of popular video games. At first, the movies make a decent amount of money until people start to recognize a name that shortly becomes it's own insult... Uwe Boll. What do they do when they think they've had enough, and the movie industry won't stop letting him make films? They ask him to quit because he's terrible. I love the time that we live in.
Uwe Boll just had an interview, and the journalist informed him about this petition. Uwe Boll made a statement that if the petition were to reach 1 million signatures, he would give the people what they're asking for. Here is what it reads:
To: Dr. Uwe Boll
We, the undersigned, respectfully ask that Uwe Boll give proper weight to the wishes of the video game community, the horror community, and the film going community in general and stop directing, producing, or taking any part in the creation of feature films. His distasteful handling of the subject matter and lack of acknowledgement of his failures simply cannot be abided any longer. Mr. Boll has repeatedly shown a complete lack of comprehension regarding the videogames he has dragged, kicking and screaming, to the silver screen and his ham-fisted approach to horror has soiled future possibilities for anyone else who may attempt to bring videogames to film.
Sincerely,
As of this moment there are 42,191 signatures. We've got a way to go people. I should give you the link http://www.petitiononline.com/RRH53888/petition.html
Help us stop this madman from doing what he loves to do.... ruin video game movies!

As I'm sure many of you know, Charlton Heston passed away on Saturday night. I like remembering him this way, it tickles me. Oh, and the media is softening the blow of this by following it with "Beyonce and Jay-Z are know married!!!!" Damn Beyonce, I was coming, I just needed to handle some things first... oh well, there's always Kelly Rowland. Other than that, Catholic University show with the Fowlest, Travis Irvine, Will Hessler next week. FunnyFest in Calgary May 2-8, first time going to Canada. And, of course, Funnybone stuff that always makes me smile. See you guys tonight at Spy Lounge, don't be shy.
Laters...

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I blog during work to keep from sleeping. Unless people from my job are monitoring this, in which case "I love my job; I have a family". My dog Max is the man too. Other than that I think reading this blog gives a pretty good idea of what I'm about. Red Jell-o, need I say more.

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