I don't want wear that dress, I'm a BOY!

HELLLLLOOOO everyone. I realized I must be sweet on this woman, cause I caught myself smiling too much early this morning. Even she pointed out that normally I look tired in the morning but today I’m more alert than she is. But, much like the guy code states: “If you like someone, play it cool like she doesn’t matter. Only then will she yearn to llllick you like a lollipop.” So I wiped the smile off, pimp on….

I just ate a breakfast sandwich so greasy I feel like I could pass out. But whenever I lie down out side of my bed, gremlins will have sex with my face. Gross, but you gotta watch out for trickster gremlins with contracts when you’re young. All for a Klondike Bar, a forever lasting Klondike Bar.

Casey Affleck is officially the man. He was Oscar worthy in Gone Baby Gone, and “gave me the willies” in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. Who the f*ck is Ben Affleck?

Sleep is overrated…. So…. Don’t.

Odyssey sent me a message asking how I was doing. It took me a couple of days to reply but I texted him “I’m great, how are you man”. His response was “Mr. Richardson, I’m great. Thanks 4 asking n more importantly, thanks for letting me know how you’re doing. I’ll sleep better tonight.” I began to laugh hysterically at the thought of texting people out of the blue to let them know how you’re feeling. Kind of like the Myspace moods, but some people are still paying for texts so eventually you’re bound to piss someone off. I feel like there’s a joke in there…. Or at least a funny prank.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t listening. I was staring at that Asian woman’s rack, she’s got a tramp stamp. I’m pretty sure she and her boyfriend are a lot older than I think they are. Oh crap, I think I said that louder than I thought I did cause they’re looking right at me.” – Tyler Richardson at Blockbuster yesterday talking to Nelson.

Women like to be complimented, but not touched. That’s all, just wanted to send out a reminder for those that are in a bit of a drought. Atif.

That was wrong, his name is Atif Myers. I name drop all the way or not at all. No half assin’ it.

There is a big t!tt!ed woman that walks past my desk sometimes and works on my floor. They are HUGE, but I digress. I do not find her attractive, and not cause I’m gay or enamored with Babygirl. I think it’s because she always has on a head band. I don’t know if it’s cause her forehead is out of control. But, I finally realized why it’s so gross to my, it’s because it reminds me of a man masquerading as a woman at work. And they’re so big it’s almost not that crazy to think. They move like a water bed when she’s coming in your direction. Okay that’s enough I’m having too much fun describing them.

Pop Quiz:
Which of these fast food restaurants made me pee out of my @ss before I jumped into traffic this morning?
A) McDonald’s
B) Wendy’s
C) Subway
D) All of the above

The answer makes me chuckle, I’ll give it later. For all I know an attractive woman could read this and be turned off. If that’s the case, “I made it up”. Anyone who wants to guess, let me know…

I enjoy ruining a good Twinkie. Not mine, but someone who’s eating one. I walk up and start conversation where I liken the Twinkie to a penis. The kicker is generally when I call the cream in the middle “Salty Sweet”. You can thank a Filipino named Nelson for that little mantastic treat.

Praise be to the wolf… I have no idea how long I’ve been saying that but clearly I’m still tickled brown(can’t be pink, genetics) by it. It came from a friend that was driving with me near my old place. There was a waste place near by and mid-conversation about football (don’t have too many of those… I’m straight) a funk hit his nostrils. “Oh God, do you smell that $#!T?! Smells like hundred year old WOLF P*SSY!!” And that was where my love affair of all humor involving wolves comes from.

Maybe I’m just really immature, but whenever it’s “Creole Week” in the cafeteria downstairs I enjoy one dish. I like to walk up like I have no idea it’s there, even though I’ve checked our home page and looked at the menu for the day already. Like a child opening a Christmas present I ask “Oh, is that Chicken Fricassee?” someone will reply yes, then I scream “Fricassee Frikasa!” It’s stupid, I know, but I love it. I’ll do it until I can pass it along to my son. One day….

Looking at your money online is way more satisfying than going to an ATM and looking at it in your hands. I think it’s because online the entire gang is there. You’re just holding a bunch of swingers that drunk and kicked from the party at an ATM.

One day I’m going to blog about nothing but sports and bore the “everlovin’ sweet crap” out of you guys.

That’s all for now (insert racial slur)!

Laters