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Just as good as a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Tuesday, more like Poosday... I'm witty


So yesterday Nelson and I saddled up and went up to the Spy Lounge. Eli and I learned an important lesson from Nancy, which is “A sign brings in a crowd”. Who would have thought, something so simple means so much to people. But, when I think about it I guess I’m a slave to that logic as well. I won’t go into a strip joint that doesn’t have a woman with a fox tail as its mascot. That’s just how I roll. It was a good time, let us take a look back: Bryson, McBride, Adrian, Some n*gga named TRich, Byward, Travis Irvine, Jay Hastings, Seaton, Jake Young, Rebecca brought most of the crowd who stayed and laughed their @sses off and we cannot forget the lovable Will “date rape face” Hessler. Mucho gusto, bueno.

Nelson and I went by an old woman’s house when we were done at Spy Lounge. We burst right through the front door and while he made small talk I grabbed what alcohol I could find. Her dogs barked away while we started to heat up some food that was lying around. We ate so much lasagna, this morning I thought I wouldn’t make it through traffic. The old woman laughed and shared stories of times long ago. She offered Nelson so many plates of Lasagna I’m sure his morning was…. Delightful. The old woman was my Grams, the three of us drank and sang songs for 16 hours (God D*mn) kidding.

Yesterday I had to pee. Drinking on the way to Spy Lounge normally does that to me. The first thing I went for was the bathroom. When I opened the door I saw a familiar sight. It was the owner, taking a $#!T. Whenever you catch someone in that position they’re so defenseless it’s precious. He looked just like I looked when John McBride opened the door on me at the Laughing Lizard. It was priceless, his last words to me as Nelson and I split were “Bet you’ll knock next time!” I sure won’t, I sure won’t.

I feel pretty f*cking sexy lately, what’s that about?

Dear God, please heal Morgan Freeman A.S.A.P. without his arm how will he ever keep all of these young women in check? He’s become a symbol of our generation even though he’s easily 235 years old. How he keeps his pimp hand so strong is beyond me, but legend says he once pimp slapped a nun so hard he came. (How Awesome, yeah it’s gross, but how Awesome would that be?) They say he stopped a meteorite from destroying civilization as we know it, with his smile. He single-handedly stopped the Civil War with help from Denzel. Damnit, he watched Tim Robbins get gang raped in jail and composed himself enough to narrate for those not in attendance. Please, give us back our angel. Amen.

Dear Wolf, while God is busy healing Morgan Freeman could you age Dakota Fanning for. I don’t need her to be too old, just 22. I’ve got a good feeling about this one. Did you see War of the Worlds? You know what I’m talkin’ bout. Praise be to the wolf.

Am I the only person yet to laugh at a Pineapple Express trailer. It doesn’t look funny, and people are comparing it to Half Baked and other classics. Dazzle me. (with that said I should also say that I had no interest in the 40-Year-Old-Virgin, Knocked Up and other Judd Apatow movies that I went on to see and love like everyone else)

Does John McCain look like Glen Quagmire to ANYONE else?! I can’t be the only one who sees this. His jaw makes him look like a Rock’em Sock’em Robot.

A really buff IT guy shook my hand earlier and said “Looking good today man”. As he said that he was crushing my hand. I think he just shook a year or two of my life away. Can’t be sure though, better consult the Wolf.

The Iraqi woman behind me and I had a moment earlier. I stopped working to turn around and look at a woman. She stopped working because she’s suspicious looking and turned to look at me. Perfect timing our eyes locked and then we squinted, and not in a friendly way. Then we slowly turned back and continued what we were doing. One day we’ll lock swords…

Now that gas is returning to a better place, I guess it’s safe to let this little girl go. Her family didn’t seem like they were going to pay…. What?! I’m on a very fixed income and it was $4+ a gallon. That’s madness!

Okay, I think we’ve delved into madness (my mind) long enough today. Let’s do this manana (say it Spanish)… shall we?

Laters

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The Pineapple Express gag where he tries to kick out the windshield and gets his foot stuck makes me laugh literally every single time I see it, even if it's two commercials within a few minutes of each other.

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I blog during work to keep from sleeping. Unless people from my job are monitoring this, in which case "I love my job; I have a family". My dog Max is the man too. Other than that I think reading this blog gives a pretty good idea of what I'm about. Red Jell-o, need I say more.

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