It was so hard today, I just kept fallin' asleep...

Did anyone notice that when DC4Now asked Tyler S. if he has any message to give with his comedy, he did not say anything about music?! If there is one thing we can all agree on, it's that Mr. S wants us all to expand our horizons by listening to more alternative music. Strike one point from Mr. S's record for lying while being interviewed. Now that he's lied, who knows what he's capable of?

Interviewer: "Mr. Sonnichsen, have you ever watched children play while playing with yo..."

Tyler S: Let me just stop you there. 1997, next question.

See, lying leads to pedophilia. I don't write the laws, I just read'em. Tyler would never diss Tyler by the way. Tyler loves Tyler, just like jockeys love cock, horse cock.

Why doesn't the world know what Bukkake is yet? Cause I've been dying for years to say "Bukkake Sunrise" mid conversation and have someone actually react. Instead, I get nothing and it loses it's shock value when you have to explain it.

And now, for the Wikipedia word of the day:

Bukkake (Japanese: ブッカケ) pronunciation (help·info) is a group sex practice that features a female subject being ejaculated on by multiple men.

Yep, so now at least someone will know what I mean when I mention the Bukkake Sunrise now. See, you wake up to multiple men standing atop your bedside.... you get the rest. It all ends with a happy "Good Morning!" Ah.

Tupac is dead. Cause if he wasn't dead, why would he let Lupe Fiasco become the most lyrical storyteller of all time? Exactly, and Biggie was better.

Today I had Honey Nut Cheerios for the first time in years. The last time I recall asking my mother for them was when they used to play the Christmas commercial with Ebenezer Scrooge. I believe that in 14 seconds the Honey Nut Bee did what took 3 ghosts an entire play. Which proves my point, that bee was the Devil.

Man cancels Check Card that his wife has in her possession. Man cancels card for some reason. Wife still has card. Slutty wife goes to bars and rings up tab a month after card is cancelled cause bars want their money. Man calls dispute/fraud wondering why the charges were authorized. When lady from the call center calls me, all I keep asking is "Why did he cancel the card and not cut it up? Is he still with his wife? Yes, then why won't he let her spend money? Why does she have his cards anyway, she's got about 20 of her own? Why can't he control his money? Why can't he control his wife?" In the end, the man doesn't get relayed much of an answer, just a lot of questions from a confused TRich.

Sarah Jessica Parker is very attractive despite what people say. I lied just then, I just don't like falling in with the crowd. Charlotte is an angel though.

Jimmy was right with that last comment, I'm an alcoholic. Now that that's out of the way.... Tequila shots! No, I have told myself to drink less, not because I think I have a problem. But for the same reason I brought drinks in on Saturday in the first place, that $#!t is crazy expensive when you're drinking out 4-5 nights a week. N!ggas is broke these days.

I get panic attacks in elevators when too many people are in one, by too many I mean about 4. So this morning a woman I've had fun conversations with asks me to walk her downstairs. I say "Sure" cause I'm trying to put all the pieces together about her. Here is what I had when I said yes: She was married, the husband left and the baby died. It's a horrible story but it did mean she was single with NO KIDS, apparently that's rare these days. A friend cracks a joke while we stand in front of the elevator rubbing her tummy. I explain that I have to know what that joke meant. At this point about 13 people are standing in front of the elevators. We get on one and she explains that she's 4 months pregnant. Her two year old is excited. So is the father.... ??!?!?!?!?!? Clearly, I was misinformed. Sigh, so now I have another friend. I never dreamed I'd have so many friends when my ex left me a couple of years ago. But, everyone has kids or is married. What the hell happened to my youth?!

Okay kiddies, that's all for today but we'll have plenty to talk about tomorrow. The DC Improv Showcase Finals are tonight and should be good. I should be there to root the Fowlest on, but life always give you a choice between good (comedy) and not bad but not comedy (shhhh).

If this was shorter than you thought it would be feel free to read the story of Ronald Donald yesterday. Arrogant, but I like that one.

Laters