There's a woman in the house and I gotta fart a poem by Tyler Richardson

It's a Thursday night and look at the clock

shouldn't have had that Chipotle, cause I've got non stop farts

The phone rings

it's that Betty, saying she's about to park

I didn't expect company

I was half naked watching sharks

but now she's at the door

my racing heart's off the chart

"Oh $#!t" she's got on the pumps I pointed out to Clark

but oh $#!t, now there a woman in the house

and I have to fart

We sit on the couch but I can't get at ease

my stomach gurgled so hard I had to mask it with a sneeze

oh no she made me laugh,

please God please

I'll run to the bathroom and let this go..

now she's resting her head on my shoulder

no woman no

Where is the dog? I'll just blame it on him

he's playing over there and it's too dangerous to snap my fingers at him

$#!t, feels like if I blink I'll have some explaining to do

and now she wants to tickle fight, that's just not the thing to do

if she keeps it up we'll both be soaked in doo

Couldn't call her over before but now I can't keep us apart

"THERE IS A WOMAN IN THE HOUSE AND OMG I'M GONNA FART!"

It's times like these that a true genius shines

I told her I was gonna grab a photo to show her from pretty embarrassing times

I step into my closet to grab the photo, and shut the door

and released something so thick I had to check the floor

I count down from 62 and finally my cheeks stopped clapping

seemed it would never stop so I plugged it with a napkin

do about 4 laps round the table to get the stank off

she thinks it's cute cause I'm juking like Randy Moss

but I was terrified the funk would never come off

when I sit down we start to touch mouths

Daddy's about to get some strange,

but there's no condoms in this house!