New York 2

Good to be back. So where do I begin? Let's just walk through this whole trip from right about where I left with the last blog. So Tim Miller shows up at my headquarters for adventure, aka my job, and we get suited up to go off to New York. I drove first but naturally I left something at home so we had to make a quick little stop. Grab my shit. Hit the road. It was cool cause despite our water and wine mixture, we taste good. For those of you that ain't hip to that lingo, that means that we good along great. Hardly ever an awkward moment. But I'll get to that later. So we get to New York about 8:00 and we left at 4:00 so we were making alright time. That's PM time that I'm talking about by the way. We drove by the club in Times Square just to see if people would really line up this early when the doors didn't open until 10:00 am. We thought that we might be able to make a few stops and sight see before we jumped in the line with the others. Sure enough there was a line. About 21 people deep, seeing as though Tim was 22 and I was number 23. Not a bad spot though. Now for of you who don't know exactly how cold it was, the majority of the time that we were there it was about 29 degrees. Fucking cold man. So we park the car and go to the line. I had this old ass dirty comforter with me and since I thought I would buy a chair to sit on I didn't wash the dog hair or slobber off it. Sorry Tim. But we'll get to that part of the story. We went to Sbarro's where Tim tried to find a bathroom and I got the "Your a Hobo!" look and treatment from everyone. Like that town had never seen a Hobo eyeing up some pizza. PLEASE. Finally, Tim shuts of his faucet and we get to business, OPEN CALLS!
DC Comedians were in synch even without trying. As soon as we cross the street who should come walking up but Leo Goodman. He's a good man(I had to. Come on.) Then a few minutes behind him the Bonnie and Clyde of this shit walked up. I'm talking about Jimmy Merritt and Leslie Cooley. I've got to say that it was cold, I had to listen to a million bits from strangers wanting praise, and there were several an odd occurence but because of those four being with me, I had a great time. It was definetley worth it. And since we were in the beginning I think we might get to see one of us on TV. Allow me to go through some of the odd things that happened since 4:00 yesterday.
The club was still serving people when we got there so we stood outside the window in front of families trying to eat. I can only imagine what must have been going through their minds as it looked like 50 homeless people decided to beg there for the night. There were a couple of comedians that were in front of me and they had their good and bad moments. Good, letting me have a seat in the chair that you weren't using. Bad, telling me when my ass hits the seat that I gotta get up if someone wants it. Bad, telling your hack jokes all night and making eye contact while you laugh at your own jokes, your trapping me into laughter. Bad, pulling over a homeless guy who had obviously been on the street for some time. Then questioning him for your own enjoyment to belittle him in front of comedians. That was the low moment of the trip for me. I don't really feel sorry for people, but I slept on the street last night and I'm still bitchin. This guy took a shit life and even tried to set himself apart from the other homeless guys with clever signs. Example: "Ninja Niggers killed my family. Need money for martial arts lessons." Not bad. It gets a laugh. And this took all the lame jokes that some fat shit had to throw at him and stayed calm and didn't suck him off or stab him or anything. I dig it. But after this long story about his life and trouble and where he had been, he answered the guy's main question with "But to answer your question, Cocaine is my drug of preference." Up til' that moment a lot of us were on his side, but then our minds just shifted to "Go away now." I got like no kinda sleep, but when I did I got woken up twice. The first time was because I had to pee. I found out that at 3:45 in the morning there aren't a lot of places willing to let you come in and pee. So I walked alone for a few dark blocks to a 24/7 McDonald's. But after I was done I wanted a burger and the girl asked me for a specific amount without the cashier. That made me suspicious but then she told me it was gonna be a four minute wait on my Spicy Chicken sandwich and I don't play that shit so I bounced. Didn't get back to sleep for a while though. When I finally did like 2 hours later, some dick walks past yelling two minutes and clapping at like 5 am. One more time I fall asleep. Then they wake us up at like 6:45 telling everyone that the line is loose and that we need to scoot. For some reason we all believed that meant we were going in. No, and when 10:00 did come everyone put their game faces on. We were the second real group to be let in to the club. It was so cold that I did not stop shaking until a minute before I went on stage. So I went on stage and did my Kwanzaa routine, I had something set up for afterwards but never got there. I did not get cut off early, so that was good, I got to finish my whole Kwanzaa joke before they cut me off. Of course they asked me how long I had been doing this and for some reason I told the truth. They asked if I had enjoyed the whole thing because a lot of people had been complaining about it when they got turned away I guess. But what does the weather have to do with being funny. Nothing. THEY TOLD ME I NEEDED A COUPLE MORE YEARS EXPERIENCE. I would like to believe them but that might have just been their line for the first half of the people they wanted to tell no to. On the other hand I got to see a female NY comic who was just like me got up. Same response. All the DC Comics had nothing to be ashamed of. And as far as the ones that I care about, I saw them. I think that though none of us made it, I personally feel like I had a blast. Performed on stage at Caroline's. That was a first and it was a lot bigger than I expected. Silly me. And I did good. I saw stiffs in suits laughing along with the tech guys holding the cameras. They laughed where I wanted them too and maybe their advice was true and I'm not ready for that. But, I won't beat myself up about it cause I know that I was funny. And anybody reading this knows that if I was bitter I'd probably go ahead and say my piece, but I'm not. As we left I felt so bad, cause we only got excited about why we came 4 minutes before we went on stage. That fucking wind was slammin us the whole time and took my mind off of a lot of things. But again, Lots of fun and I'll see anybody going to The Comedy Dock tomorrow. By the way there was a seperate story from last night that I want to share but I'll wait for tomorrow with that. You've had your fix. YOU'VE HAD YOUR FIX!