Just as good as a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
The greatest trick that anyone who naturally likes to talk has is..... silence. Talkative comics/men, trust me when I say that shutting your mouth at all times(while at work) will supply you with the mystery and attractiveness that we all crave. It sucks keeping silent, but I keep getting introduced or bumping into people in weird ways. I never believed in the whole "Just let you're paths cross casually and speak when the moment presents itself" theory, but it's as true as the fact that you can see a little package outline when I have on dress slacks :) Now if only I could control when I casually bump into this older mixed woman in marketing. P.S. - if anyone has a great way to propose to a stranger I'd love to hear it.
The Meximelt is delicious... that is all.
I know I've probably said this before, but stay with me on this. A man is running around a track. He is naked, and the track is littered with hurdles. When someone fires the starting gun he takes off and has been instructed to relieve himself of all bodily fluid during his run. For some reason that thought is hilarious to me. Might be a little funnier to me if it was a girl... who was shy. Ah, to dream.
Whenever I make eye contact with any of the older African women that work on my floor, they seem to have a look in their eyes like they don't trust me. And, they shouldn't. I've tasted goat and did not enjoy, so we have very little in common. Those two things have nothing to do with each other but just know that I'm not the biggest fan of Africans on the planet. And any militants that want to go back home(to Africa, for the white folk)... good f*cking luck, it's hot outside baby.
Tyler test for human similarities:
- Do you swear and get upset when someone won't let you in while trying to merge with traffic or change lanes?
- Shortly after you've calmed down, do you make people trying to merge into traffic wait to get in front of the guy behind you? Then laugh when you see them get mad at the fact that you didn't let them merge into traffic or change lanes?
I don't want to waste anymore of your afternoon, but I've got a little (if only that were true) work to do. Happy Hersday everyone.... by the way, since I actually refer to Thursday like that in the office, now people in my section are calling it Hersday. I know they probably found it amusing to speak of the day like we were advertising for a club, but part of me wants to believe that it's because of mind control. Tomato, Tomato(to be pronounced like a ignorant person) I guess.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
When I look around and think of hitting on women, they keep walking. But, when I work hard and mind my business I keep bumping into attractive females left and right. Let that be a lesson kids, just do your damn job.
Nelson's countdown to actually banging his girlfriend: Predicted to initiate Saturday between the hours of 13:45 and 23:40... to be continued
Nothing like walking past a man and watching him turn around and sniff the air with a look in his eyes that spells... M.A.N.T.A.S.Y.
Any one that forwards you ANY e-mail is not a friend. At some point people seem to think that they're you're FRIEND so they can forward you crap that you normally wouldn't tolerate from others. No. Yet that is always the first thing people do when they get my e-mail address, they start sending me jokes. I won't lie, I've read one or two and never even smirked... and I smirk all the time. Need I make a t-shirt that makes it clear? It would read:" I don't care how fine you are, don't you send me your $#!tty spam jokes. Cause I'll superman you hoe.... YOU!!!!" Ah.
One more day of dress up until another magical casual Friday. My dog Max is happy. You should be too.
Well, I wish all of you the happiest Wednesday you can have and hopefully I'll get to see a lot of you guys at Wiseacres tonight.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Last night I had my first encounter with D.C. police. As I walked back to my car I saw a cop walking around my vehicle with a flashlight shining in my windows. I hung up the phone and shouted to him. I'll give you a glimpse of this awkward conversation because while I had the feeling he was f*cking with me, he never smiled or fully gave in to the fact that he wasn't a dick... watch:
Me: Officer can I help you?
Cop:No. Why, this your car?
M:Yeah, I know why you're looking(my secret, though I'm glad I got rid of the beer cans...phew) in my car and trust me, I just went to traffic court today and went to the mechanic. It'll be all taken care of by Friday.
C:You know that's a Jail able offense in the District?
M:No... Are you gonna arrest me?
C:I'm surprised that they haven't locked you up in Va yet.
M: Well.... I'm glad they didn't. Are you gonna arrest me?
C: You're not driving right now are you? Of course I could just wait for you to go home...
M:Well, I for one am glad that you aren't gonna arrest me...
C:I was about to give you a $100 ticket..
M:Well... I'm glad that I got here when I did...
(silence for literally 1 minute) (I think turn to his patrol car and look at the woman in the passenger seat)
C: Why you looking back there?
M:I couldn't tell if she was in the back seat or not.
C:(still got that mean ass stare on his face)
M: Well... I promise that you can come back here next Monday and this will be taken care of. I have to, I have plans here every Monday night.
C: If you make it out of the city tonight.
M:(Silent, what the f*ck do I say to that?!)
C: You get outta here man, I'll get you later. Or shortly.
(The police officer takes 3 minutes to pull a three point maneuver out of the dead end. Then he stops and waits for me to drive out past him. Like a child when your parents are standing in the doorway shouting "Get in here now!" I creep past him, certain that he's just gonna hit his lights on once I got past him.... he didn't) THE END
Well, I guess I should let everyone get on with all of the other delicious blogs that are "our routine" to pass the daytime blues.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Gotta get back to work, but remember "Hustle for death, no heaven for a gangsta"- Lupe Fiasco
That line is cold as S#!t to me.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Friday, March 07, 2008
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Everyone congratulate the Fowlest (Jermaine Fowler... by now you should know) for getting into FunnyFest up in Calgary. I find out on Monday if I get to accompany him out there in May for awhile. Some body's got to keep that boy in check, he's liable to go out there and fall into a bad crowd. He could start prank calling people for fun, watching friends sell drugs to children, or worst of all... he might not try any of (from what I hear) that sweet SWEET Cheeba. Mmm mmm, I gotta go Jesus. But seriously, give him a tap on the buttocks... you know he'd do it for you.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Excert from Tha King by T.I.:
I'm king of the south now, but theres fifty states
Cause I'ma spread out and I'll eliminate who in the way
I'm 24 today, give me til I'm 28
I'll be ruler of all that I survey and not just in the state
See I bend just to win, but I ain't finna break
Most you niggas fake, and I'll say it in ya face
Monday, March 03, 2008
I know that I didn't blog on Friday about how Thursday night went, so let me just say that I'll be back at the Va Beach Funnybone very soon. So it went very well and the management and staff down there were terrific. The only bad thing about the trip was having to use the bathroom as soon as I parked. There is an abundance of free public parking but then they get you with "No public bathrooms" , and the club wasn't open to the public so I decided to wait rather than sit in the green room for 4 hours... I was a little early. I walked the strip for a while and found that my casual need to go to the bathroom (#1) had turned into a countdown. I spotted a port-a-john... yeah. With phone on my shoulder I stepped in, muted the conversation I was having, then began a very hard experience. You could see everything, to this day I have never pooed in of those things cause you can see everyone else's business. Even though it's 4 or 5 feet (I hope) down, I'm always afraid that splash back from urine will make some hop out onto my jeans or worse... my shoes. And with all that going through my mind I struggled to hold onto my phone cause if it dropped it's lost to me. I wouldn't have cared if it dropped onto my shoe, that phone is dead to me. For those familiar with SuperBad, the cramped space was decorated like Jonah Hill's character went Dick-crazy in there. I counted like 30 of them and feces that had been put on the walls... uncomfortable. Then it was over. And for a Thursday night show with no headliners, the room was almost a capacity so I was very excited. Great time, see you in May Va Beach, dream of me...
For those that didn't receive Curt Shackelford's email, it APPEARS as though he might be done with rooms. I could have read it wrong since I was pretty trashed all weekend, but I believe he said that there are only a few more weeks of booking Topaz/Hyatt since the Hyatt is ending I guess. It's weird to me since I remember when I first started Comedy Spot/Dremos/Topaz/(followed by) Hyatt were all doing so great. Now, only a couple of years later, the scene is dominated by comic run shows. Which is cool, just makes me reminisce about those days. Hopefully something good will pan out and "the man with the silver tie" will find some other room to profit from and stack audience members into so we may rock. What's the DC comedy scene without a little Estrada magic(hope you got that line)?
Okay, I think I'm gonna make this short today and just hope to see as many of you guys as possible tonight at the Spy Lounge. It's gonna be fun, special guest :Jesus Christ?! w/ ultra Ninja kicks and new and improved "Kung fu Grip"... oh S#!t
- Tyler Richardson
- I blog during work to keep from sleeping. Unless people from my job are monitoring this, in which case "I love my job; I have a family". My dog Max is the man too. Other than that I think reading this blog gives a pretty good idea of what I'm about. Red Jell-o, need I say more.
My Blog List
- ► 2010 (33)
- ► 2009 (85)
- Looks can be deceiving
- Dude, I think I just started my period....
- Don't want no short short blog
- Who remembers the Silverhawks?
- Can I... ride you?
- Good Grief
- This is SNAKE EYES!!!!!
- Happy Hersday!
- This isn't Malibu, you just put a plam tree in you...
- Mr. Nelson Goes to TNA: Destination X
- If you want something done right, you have to stay...
- I dabble...
- And I did all that without any pants...
- A short blog: Shlog or Bhorg?!
- Tear drops....
- "You look sharp"- Dikembe Mutombo
- My comedy doens't suck, or swall...oh, I get it.
- Monday again... kill me
- ▼ March (18)
- ► 2007 (78)