So much to say...

What it is? Let's start with Friday and work our way up to last night at Soho, shall we...

Friday- Felt like it was far time to get out and see if Ned Divine's was still a ton of fun. When I got there about 15(being generous) people were seated and ready for this striptease we call comedy. The list would be:Rob the master Maher, Herbie "F'n Pimp" Gill, Leo 2 Goodman, Who the F@ck is Tyler Richardson, and Jon MUMMA. I had fun, and think that for the size of the crowd I did aight. Yeah, that's not a word, but I felt it come out and couldn't stop it. Mumma broke out this balls to the wall joke which he says was the first time he had performed it. We'll see, if so, I was there man, I was there. So, after he performs we go to the bar to get a drinky drink. Guy next to him is incredibly drunk and immediately buys him what he was gonna order. I'm behind and thinkin' "Wow, I sure hope that I can get a free drink". Cause I'm frugal, not gay. They spoke about 2 sentences to one another. I proceed to try and order. Not so smooth as Mumma though, cause I was forced to have conversation with this man for about 15 minutes and there was no free drink at the end of that tunnel my friends. But, while talking he did describe how one of his roommates would screw in his bed and leave him to sleep in it. That was after he made me hear about how he was the baddest mutha on the planet. So, I move back to the comics with my martini and Miller Lite in hand. When I get there some type of transformation took place at Ned Devine's. It suddenly became a club. Fine women were here and there and then I said something like "With all these women, I feel like I should be hittin' on some." Well, Rob or Mumma proceed to take out money and say that I won't last 5 mins. in a conversation. Now, it took me about 20 mins. to build up my courage, but I ain't no sucka. So I move over to two women and one has my name all over her. I promised that I would use the phrase "Reese's Pieces are great aren't they?", so I chose to open with that one. They laughed thank God, but the fine one wasn't really into me. So I swerved my game to her less attractive friend. She wasn't bad, just not fine. Judge away, but don't. Turns out that both of them were 39 and that doesn't work so well when you look like you're 17. I got turned down when I eventually asked for her number. But, had been talking for easily 10-15 minutes, so that $4 was all mine baby. Later in the night I would accidentally race around a corner and full on grab a hot Hispanic girls boobs. A little later I was joking with the bartender about something and slapped her breast to the point of bounce, but she knew that was an accident. I talk with my hands too much people. And, I tried my first long island ice tea, which lead to me being cut off and driving home with one eye open. Ladies and Gentlemen, I enjoyed telling it almost as much as I enjoyed livin' it.... Moving on.

Saturday- Went to the L St. Lounge to meet my main man Jermaine Fowler. From now on I will refer to him as the Fowlest N@#ga on the planet. It' s just funny to me. So, as usual, a group of "women?" perform first even though we worked out an agreement with the host, and I believe they sang about keeping their weave. I fought back laughter until a white family looked into my eyes and saw that "Hey, it's okay to laugh. He's black and thinks this song is awful too. Are those women?" I performed and thought I did well again, plus some people came down from the bar to hear me. They didn't realize that I was only giving them 3 minutes cause it was time to celebrate Tyler Sonnichsen's big day(early). So we were off to the Laughing Lizard. Tons of comics. As much as people get a little steamed when the place is full of comics, I really do enjoy getting to see all those faces in one place. Normally, you see sprinkles throughout the week or so, but this was a melting pot. I tried some crowd work and if nothing else, just wanted to have fun. It was nothing but comics, but I felt cool with how my new stuff was received. Let me give a quick list: Herbie, Sean Gabbert, The Fowlest N#gga on the planet, Ryan Conner, Quincy, Randolph T, Andy Kline, Jake Young, Will Hessler, Tim Miller, Kojo, Aparna, Diana Saez, and HOT bartenders. Thank you for giving us the Lizard Tyler S. We love you, and I liked your birthday cake so much I smeared some on my pea coat just to have it around always.

Sunday-The Fowlest N%gga on the planet decided to kick it at la casa de Richardson, so I woke up to him on the floor gettin' in some Gears of War. He's not bad, but to his face I'll tell him he's horrible. I was supposed to go to the circus with a female friend but that didn't happen like it was supposed to, so chill we did. First, off to Bloom to get some beer. Mind you this was Easter Sunday and it was 10:50 in the morning. "We get ours". I stumbled across some lobster tails on sale and what human could say no to lobster. So we get back, drink, play video games and live people, live.... then I remembered that my family likes to eat and give me free food. So, with the Fowlest N&gga on the planet in toe, it was off to mama Richardson's house. It was cool and now he is the only person who knows how strange my family truly is. If he calls them strange somebody let me know so I can taze that bama. He even tried some food that won't ever touch these lips. He's a brave soul, but that's my homie, so I put the antidote in his backpack. Soon, it was time to say good-bye to young Fowlest... so I took him to the beach and said "Best of luck you bitch ass Nyuggah!" Got home, watched A Clockwork Orange, and decided that maybe it was time to eat that lobster. For those that want to cook it yourself, just know that there are giblets that Red Lobster doesn't show you. GIBLETS.

Monday-Found out that I can sign the lease on my new apartment next Monday. So rock on to that. I'm not moving far, just to a much nicer and less expensive part of Virginia. Right now, I live in Fairfax county, but it's not a nice neighborhood. Yet they still get to charge you like it's a gated community. The only thing that rent.com can say about us it that we have lakes in our complex to go private fishing. Yet, the first time I ordered pizza the delivery guy was 40 mins. late; when asked why he replied "the cops are fishing a body out of the lake down the hill, so I couldn't get around them"...... WHAT?! Plus, my ex won't be living across the street anymore, so that's cool too. So, I went to Soho last night. List?, of course:Fowlest..., Kojo, Mike Way, Aparna, Diana Saez, Jay Hastings, Chris Barylick, Tim Miller, John McBride, Seaton(a f'n pimp if I've ever seen one)Smith, Leo 2 Goodman, Tom Myers, and many more... I'm a forgetful shit, sorry. It was a cool show and went like most do, I was happy with myself and it was cool to have gotten on a stage frequently over the past 4-5 days. I gotta keep that up. One thing that did jump out at me was that Taxi Driver. He didn't tell jokes and it seemed like he really just wanted someone who would listen. Maybe people are too busy talking about themselves when he's driving them somewhere. But, as sad as it was to witness, it was f'n creepy. My boy Kevin couldn't do anything but look at me, and I'm not the best person to look at if you're trying to fight laughter. I'm an asshole. Tom Myers, Tyler loves you. But, who the fuck is Tyler Richardson. Well, that's all for this longgggg blog entry. Side note: Walking back to my car from Soho, that Taxi guy almost hit me and when Kevin and I looked into the cab and saw him talking to someone, the WTF look was wiped away and all was forgiven. Love you Taxi Driver guy...Laters

Blogs are for lovers

Hey everyone. There will be a new blog of things that happened during my very crazy weekend. Fowlers, and drunkards and laughs... oh my. See ya at Soho tonight.

"So what's up? Oh sh#t, you've gotten so fat!"

Well, I stumbled upon Mike Way's myspace page and saw blogging in it's truest form so I had to hop on mine. Jesus, if you haven't seen him blog, go check that shiggity out and see what it means to BLOGGG!
Feel Good
Lizard should be fun on Saturday, and maybe I'll have on a thong. Maybe. Nah, but talking of sex appeal makes me want to point out what a piece of ass women have been treating me like that past week.
Feel Good
My ex broke my heart and maybe we all need the assurance of other people to say " Hey, hey, look at me.... I'd f#ck your toenail polish off." I think we just need that after crumblin' within the chest. I'd give examples of these pieces(cause one is most definitely a 10) but that would be rude to them.
Feel Good
So.... "Who the f@ck is Tyler Richardson?" A man who wakes up and says "Today, I kidnap some one's child and hold them for ransom..... then I'm one step closer to buying metallic legs!" Yeah. Yeah.
Feel Good
I went to Marymount University and Keith the Comedian was with. By the way, Keith bought Musiq Soulchild's new album LuvandMusiq, which made me immediately go out and get that shiggity the next day. Back to this "talent(?) show", so we were both received well and guess who went before anyone else.... Tyler. Bittah!(yet again pronounced like bitter, but with soul) So, the guy who is bald and sets up the comedy shows there is behind us now to actually perform for the college next semester. Had to prove ourselves but I think we both liked the challenge. HA! There was so many fine women all over that place and at the time I was still playing it timid. Oh, to go back in time. Just ass all over the place. And, we watched as a kid that seemed like an alright sort, performed a whole 7 min. of Dane Cook's Retaliation. It was an out of body experience. Because, while part of me sat there, my spirit walked on stage and had a giant cane with which to hank him out of his F#$%ing shoes. But, it's all good, the part of me still sitting there was numbed by this one African girl's B.O. Oh, it was something. She had on a dress with the shoulders out. I was catchin' the full affect.... Shiggity.
Feel Good

Well, laters everyone... and keep smiling. The feel good thing is part of The Secret.

Let's play catch up...

Okay, so it's been a little bit, let's catch up...

The Sampson show on March 11th was one of the more fun shows that I think I've gotten to be a part of as of right now. Nick found some beer in the back and that was what would be the beginning of a beautiful night. Everyone was funny and the audience was receptive. Kudos to everyone that was on the show, ROCK THE F@CK ON!

I'm steppin' my suit game up and oh, I look sharp in a suit baby. Pictures will come when I've picked them up. Tailoring...

24 was awesome last night. You don't just leave Jack Bauer in the dark about his main squeeze being dead. You just don't. Kill for me Jack, kill for me.

My dog Max is still the sexiest bastard on God's green earth.

I have given up cigarettes and weed. Weed is only temporary but the fags are pretty permanent. I may smoke one here and there, but a smoker I am no more.

The last blog or two might have seemed a little bitter.... I apologize. Jermaine Fowler and I joke about how my name should be BITTER(pronounced BITTAA). But, trust me, I got nothin' but love for all of my fellow comics. Sometimes we just step outside of ourselves. I hope you understand.

Lizard- March 31. Jermaine and I are going to have fun, and if you aren't doing anything please drop by and see if you like what we have in mind. Marymount University- tonight. J and myself yet again. 9:55- May 13th. Love Richmond. I gotta put some more stuff on this list, but the summer is a time for lovin', let Tyler share some with you.

I have God of War 2.... YEAH BITCH.

Jimmy Meritt, your a patriot. Reading your blogs has always been a pleasure, do what you do baby.

Jermaine says that I ramble less now that I don't smoke. Catch 22 people, Catch 22.

I need to do this a lot more regularly, so let me save some for tomorrow. Laters.....

Just wanted to say "Hello"

Has been a moment, hasn't it. Thank you to those that have contacted me in the past few weeks and I really do appreciate that. Don't get me wrong, there were only a few, but they had words that I definitely needed to hear. I think I'm ready with new stuff to show off the whole me. But, enough talk I'll just have to show people.

On another note, let me follow up a story that I commented on a long time ago. My best friend Nelson was worried that he would be fired over a BLOG that he wrote where I said, among other things, that he would like to punch his boss in "The fucking throat". I wrote that he deleted that blog and not more than a couple weeks after that he was fired. I kills me that in this day and age someone can actually be let go for a BLOG. Sad.

Is Curt Shackelford's E-Mail Dead?......

When I was about 10, I hit my first homerun and when I connected with the ball, I shit. It was a lot of shit too. I ran the bases, then while everyone was still giving me congrats at home plate.... I just kept running home. Home was not anywhere close to where we were playing and my mother was in attendance too. Just a memory that makes me laugh that I thought I would share with you. Are we too mature to admit that shit is ALWAYS funny.

Well, for the three that care, I just wanted to blog and let them know I'm not dead and get ready for new shit...
By the way, at the DCAC this Sunday:
1. Sampson (host)
2. Jermaine Fowler
3. Tyler Sonnicshen
4. Tyler Richardson
5. Nick Mullen
6. Keith "The Comedian"
7. Travis Johnson
8. Marcus "DooDooh" Brown
9. Jason Weems

Just saw this lineup today, the arrogant side of me is looking at this order and saying "Fuck me". The humble part says the same fucking thing... I'm a dick. Bout' time I stopped pretending. I'm gonna have more fun with this comedy thing and look less seriously at it. Maybe next time I do something I'll be the shaft and not the bell end. If you don't get it, be glad.
To any new comics that are discouraged due to being unrecognized as funny, let these lyrics remind you that it doesn't matter how many opportunities pass you by, do you...
My words are weapons
I use 'em to crush my opponents
These words are weapons
I never did show no emotion
My words are weapons
I use 'em to kill whoever's steppin to me
My words are like weaponry on a record
Yo, the rage I release on a page
is like a demon unleashed in a cage
Lunatic, soon as I hit the stage
My mind is like a fuckin stick of dynamite
Onen I get behind the mic
it's like the wick is lit you bitches die tonight
My nine is like a guidin light at night shinin bright
My fuckin grip is tighter than my wife's vagina, psych
These cock-suckin cops got my Smith-N-Wesson...
I guess it's time to pick a different weapon, man the shit's depressin...
But my plan is to use this bullshit to my advantage
Shady stay creative baby hold your head up, don't you let up
one bit on these motherfuckin suckers you're a soldier +GET UP+
STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN, LONG AS YOU BREATHIN
THEY JEALOUS OF YOU MAN THAT'S THE ONLY REASON THEY BEEFIN!

do what you do man, you know if it's funny or not....

Square One...

Well, where do I start? Lost the Improv showcase. By lost I mean that I didn't even place... AGAIN. Took me a little while to sort out what that might mean. Probably means that I'm not half as funny or a good joke writer that I thought I was. It was pretty confusing for me, not because I had any assumptions of what the other comics could or couldn't do onstage. But, more than anything I felt like I was so ready and there was no way that I could do it again and walk away empty handed. I spoke to Jermaine about it and he thought I was concerned with just getting more work. While that would be cool to work at the Improv, that is not at all why the showcase is a big deal to me. If I'm ever gonna get out of this area through comedy, I feel like I have to at least make good with the Improv. It's the IMPROV, and now I'm just some guy who can either realize that maybe I need to take up sewing, or start all over again. Haven't really felt too funny since. Maybe Joe Robinson has a point with the chart that he created almost a year ago. Just because you love something doesn't mean that your gonna be great at it. Some people are just made to appreciate what they love and not participate. I'm not really sulking, but I am a realist and that is sinking in more and more. Before I forget, congrats to Jason Weems, Nick Mullen, and Bigg Mike(that was the order of placing). And, how could I forget to mention how lovely Laura Prangley and Jessica Paquin looked on such a night. Oh, and just in case my testicles were about to come out from the Improv embarrassment, I'm certain that yet again I won't be coming to the DcComedyFest. Just a feeling... You know what, I'm still bitter so I'm gonna go. I'll get back when something positive can be said.

A Transmission....

This blog I wrote yesterday and sent to my good buddy Mr. S. at TDC producshizzels....

Hey everybody, it's Tyler Richardson again. It's been so long since we've had a sit down and I can barely remember what you look like anymore. Are you still beautiful? Did you grow your hair long? Remember how you used to shove a whole Snickers bar in your mouth and almost choke before you finally got it down your throat... good times. But, I come to you with a list of things that I think you need to see. Compile your own list and let someone important know all the things that you would do if you could. As for me, "If I could I would..."
1)Grab a peach and chuck it at the first pretty girl that I saw.
2)Surprise a homeless person with a million dollars.
3)Tell 13 year old Tyler to be a prick to girls at an earlier age...they like that.
4)Never listen to a single song by Shaggy.
5)Grow a ponytail just to be confused with a pimp.
6)Find out who wrote "Roll Bounce" and stab his dog.... and yes, then him.
7)Be the first person to own an iPhone.(cause they're f'n cool man)
8)Jump into Gears of War and start killing those mofos for real.
9)Own an Escalade and see if random ho's come out of nowhere to listen to rap music and let me pour Cristal down their bodies.
10)Same as #9 but a Bentley.... come on folks that just cool.
11)Get my mother to rap the lyrics to "Throw some D's" in it's entirety.
12)Date Queen Latifah to make Mo'Nique jealous. BBW's are in, baby!
13)Quit every bad habit that I have...except weed.
14)Travel back in time to stop Nick Cannon's birth. He's NOT funny, damnit.
15)Get a pool full of Beefaroni and tell no one.
16)Meet my Aunt who died before I was born, I hear that we're very alike.
17)Test to be an astronaut, I thought that the screening would catch someone like me...
18)See #9 again.... we're almost done.
19)Treat two specific women better than I did. They know who they are.
20)Keep my mother and grandmother alive forever cause I can't imagine the alternative.
21)Have time to watch the Matrix Trilogy then follow it with LOTR trilogy.
22)Balance my budget better.
23)Do Whores... who happen to have brought me free weed. YAY!

Well, that's one for every year that I've lived and the list was getting too long to keep people's attention. Hope you all have your own list brewing and I'll catch you laters....

Fruit Punch

Just thought I'd call this blog that since it's on my mind. I can't have any because it always seems to leave the mouth the same color as the drink. Same goes for Grape and Orange soda, which is cruel since it's in my genes to love both. Damn. Anyone else carry a toothbrush with them to work cause of how gross it feels to have stuff on your teeth during the work day. I'm weird like that I guess.
I really hate my boss. A lot, and Shawn should you ever read this I hope your reading from the grave baby. I only bring that up cause my BFF Nelson recently had quite the story involving his blog. Quick background: Nelson works for a formalwear company while finishing school at Marymount University. He had a couple people that are friends of his fired a couple weeks back for stealing and hook-ups. He did not snitch but naturally the situation was weird for him. Nelson gets angry very easily. He wrote an angry blog because of this. Since he was one of the few people that did not steal I can only imagine that he was their golden boy, and he's worked for them since high school. Now that your up to speed... Somehow his district manager gets wind of this blog and asks someone at the store if Nelson still in fact works there. This is before he actually read the blog for himself. Someone tells someone who tells someone else and it gets back to Nelson. He has the time to take it off the Myspace page and "to the best of our knowledge" it won't be retrieved. We'll see. It was weird when he told me about it cause he says "Well it wasn't really that bad til' the very end of the blog". He said that as I was reading it and honestly it wasn't. But, when I got to the last few sentences there were references to the following:
-Dropped management's names
-Expletives, oh my, there were expletives
-Threats of punching the District Manager in the mouth
-Joyful talk of them reading the blog and firing him so he could(see last note)
Oh it was something. Thank God it's off the myspace page. Bless you Nelson.

Ned Divine's tonight. Gotta get my shiggity together cause the 13th is creeping up like a child with a switchblade. This morning I was showering and it hit me "Damn, that's in like 11 days" how time flies. Well, I guess we'll do this again real soon, like Monday. Laters...

And so it is...

I just got off the phone with my Grandma... she's a saucy old girl, but I love her. Moving on then. I had the privilege of playing with a fellow comic who dabbles in Rainbow Six: Vegas, and needless to say I sucked like a whore who's going for employee of the month. But, he will soon find himself in a familiar land called Gears of War and that day will be a reckoning. I'll wait to see if I can beat that ass before I get my gloat on.
It's still very amusing to me that if you search purple sticky salvia or the lyrics to "At Last" I'm one of the first results on many a search engine. Like I'm some kind of junkie with a soft spot for Etta James.
I finally got my stuff out to the DCComedyFest so we'll see how that goes. I remember how pissed I was when I didn't get in last year, but if that happened again I think I could function for the rest of the day. But, make no mistake, I WANT IN.
I had some sex the other day...
Crank: F'in awesome movie and you need to check it out. Ignore the critics and just appreciate it for what it is. Adrenaline. He pulled Amy Smart's boob out in public and the bumped McNastys in front of a group of Asians. Just see the movie folks.
The Protector: Not as great as Ong Bak. Jaa has turned into the new Steven Segal, because I don't think I've ever seen so many broken arms. I watched it to see some serious knee action and instead I was left with a frown and medium wood. Don't see it unless it's free. Cable baby...
And now your moment of Zen....

That's my main man Max. You can call him Max the conqueror, Max the Destroyer, Pothead Max, or Davey. Whatever. Well, I think that does it for me and I'll be seeing you all on those mean streets of comedy. Laters...

So....

First let me say that it's weird to me how many people are searching for the lyrics to "At last my love has come along" I keep getting hits from people searching for that and finding nothing but mindless dribble. If you are one of these people "Hi." and now on to other things...
Saw the list for the Improv competition(oh really) Yep(how'd it look, ya nervous?) Familiar faces(your nervous)...(you know you make this thing out to be way too big of a deal) Yeah, but I can't help that( weed ) ...I think I need to hit these open mics really hard and be ready this time(weren't you ready last time) I thought I was but looking back, no.(Yeah, but hindsight is 20/20, change the topic) O.K.
Dear Fox,
My name is Deaven Tyler Richardson. I am writing in regards to your television show "24". How dare you. How dare you air a show like that and expect me to live out the rest of my week as though I've just watched some T.V. show. It's an experience, and the only reason that I'm ruling out suicide by cop is because I'll miss next Monday's episode. Shame on you. And if I may make a suggestion, how about the next time you make us wait for a year and a half, just release it on DVD and throw some commercials in there. I promise that 9 time out of 10 I'll watch the commercials. Thank you for your time.

Tyler Richardson

Okay everyone, I think I can go now. Laters......

Snow Day!

And I'm at work... shit. I wish I was a kid again. Didn't have a scraper handy so this morning I took a highlighter and punched very strategic holes in the ice that covered my back window in the COROLLA. G.H.E.T.T.O! So, today instead of a normal-ish blog I thought I'd give you something with a little more kick to it. And because I love it, I'm adding a video that touches me and I think it will touch everyone else.... it's my dick in a box.


There is more beauty out there then we know.
The world isn't always dark and cold.
Help a stranger and see how good it feels.
Toss a friend some unexpected money to pay their bills.
Karma my friends is the slutty sister of Jesus(to be pronounced in Spanish please)
so when everyone is gathered and you have all the doors locked
Pull them together and show them... "It's my dick in a box"!

I'm a posse

Well hello everyone... It's been a moment and let me start out with something I noticed in 24 the other day. Kal Penn's character is a kid who's father gets taken to a detention camp for nothing other than racial profiling. The problem is that when racist neighbors decide to beat his ass for a terrorist/terrorist's kid, a neighbor steps in to save him. Later, you find out that Kal is indeed a terrorist and the first thing that popped in my mind was "man, this is giving some people a reason to assault Arabic people the next time something horrible happens." Hopefully people will be a little more intelligent than to reference a TV show when getting ready to commit a crime, but you never know these days. I still love the show though. I also love Kal(Kumar) Penn. The man is sexy and nothing can stop that.
I was reading some blogs related to groups of friends and comedy. Let me be brief yet speak for myself. "I personally have no ill feelings towards anyone that is more successful than me in comedy. I root for all of us, and as I've said before, the sooner someone establishes themselves, the sooner people can remember someone else's name. Might not be the best way to put it, but I'm not hating on anyone who's gotten a little/a lot more than me." Jimmy Merritt and Andy Haynes both talked about it in their blogs and made very good points. I myself wished to be a part of the elite, but I guess that is an admittance of not being happy with what I've accomplished over the past year. And I'm sure that we all wish that we could do a little better until we reach our goals. And, then you have to look at people like Jimmy who've just busted their ass all on their own and proved that it really doesn't matter who you associate with but how much you keep pushing and promoting yourself. Maybe a year from now I'll have worked at the places I want(in the area) but for anyone newer than myself, don't be hateful. And don't ever let another comedian hear you bash someone or complain about something you can't really change. You won't change anything and you put yourself out there to be judged. New people really shouldn't burn any bridges and we must all pay our dues. I think part of the thrill of walking into a open mic and being able to get on the list right away, is probably thinking back to when you had to come and maybe you got on(most times you didn't). I wouldn't know cause I'm no superstar, but if you never earn anything then you certainly can't appreciate it the same can you? I always dug Jimmy's blog cause more times than not, he's trying to help people through his blog and make things a little easier on people newer than himself. In my own way I hope that people could read some of my blogs the way that I read his when I started and take something away from it. From my bad experiences, to bringer shows, to unprofessional that never really gets spoken of, and keeping my mouth shut sometimes... And should anyone have a question(and decide to ask a Tyler Richardson, instead of much more established comic) I would be happy to give what answers I can. Cause I still remember the people who were all to happy to answer whatever stupid question I had and I respect that about them.
I'm going to the Reef tonight cause it sounds like all kinds of fun. I really get hard over the thought of something other than a traditional open mic. I dig that Andy had the Scrot(as in scrotum) to get that mutha off the ground and running. And no, I'm not on but this sounds like so much fun to watch how can I resist? Weed will help too, but when does it hurt. Well, I have people talking in my ear now(and reading over my shoulder which I HATE) so I'll get back to ya'll tomorrow and hopefully all will be sexy. Laters....

An evening of faces

So, Saturday I went to Ned Divine's and had a blast. Instead of being on the huge stage downstairs, there was some private get together and so we rocked it upstairs for the evening. Seaton Smith was our headliner, and now the list of sexy performers in it's entirety:
Kojo Mante-Hosted that bad mutha
Andy Haynes
A little me in there
Ryan Conner
Rory Scovel
and of course Rob Maher was there.
At one point I was downstairs smoking and someone called for everyone in the party to turn to them while they toasted. It was as though they said "Everyone turn and get together so that outsider is by himself within a 20 ft.. Radius" cause that's what happened. I quickly finished that cigarette. And for anyone who missed Reggie Bush being folded in half, that shiz was awesome. Google it baby, google it.
So then it was off to the Laughing Lizard, where Tyler S. makes happy possible. Kojo and Andy joined me on the drive that would otherwise be very boring. I didn't even get lost on the way there. And, that my friends is proof that weed can't completely ruin your memory if you really want to remember. Now if you ask me how to work a lawnmower, I probably won't wanna remember that. Get it. So we arrive and meet all the sexy folks that Alexandria had to offer. Bear with my memory but let me name drop what I can remember... Herbie Gill was there and for some reason, he, Jason Weems, Kojo, and myself all had on very similar clothes. Black on our torsos, generally a leather jacket, and jeans preferably with black shoes. It was the black uniform of the evening. The Merritts were also there for the show. Always lovely to see them and Jimmy was sans tie... I felt betrayed. By the way Leslie "Love tha Do!" She knows what I mean. I met Ayanna Dookie, and though I was pretty drunk, I don't think I made a good impression. The term "ice grillin' me" comes to mind when I think back on that. But, no hard feelings. Aparna was there and this is what went down when she made her presence known. "Aparna, Oh my God! Get the FUCK out of my way Tyler. Geez. Oh, so how are you Aparna?" That was a little exaggerated but now I know better than to stand in between her and everyone else. It was embarrassing. But, she did let me kiss the rings too, so I love her. Mike Way had on quite the outfit. The only thing I remember is Herbie joking about how he looked like he had on the inside of his Jacket's liner. But when Mike smiles... all is forgiven. *that my friends, is to be interpreted as gay, and thus fulfilling an oath that I swore to a man who saved my life. And asked for so precious little* Ahem... now where were we. Ah yes, so I was drunk. I had a lot to eat and honestly the first thing that popped in my mind when I woke was "Man I remember using my ShareCheck a lot". That's a bad thing. Well, I think I'm gonna be going. So, til' next time, Laters...

Word to Mutha!

Well, it's Thursday... not too much you can say positive about those. I've been focused on rewriting my jokes and it's coming along rather cool. Roger Mursick gave me some advice on Saturday and that was one of the things that he stressed to me, so I'm keeping it very much in mind. By the way, that's a cool ass guy. He was very approachable and just cool in general. Plus, he decided to spare a few moments of his life to chat about nothing with me, and since he's a pro I definitely appreciated it. Cause who is Tyler Richardson anyway, right? I was thinking of doing my next show in black face... that's a joke.
When I was taking Jermaine Fowler home on Monday morning(as in 2:00 am.) I couldn't help but notice that while you allowed to buy alcohol at any hour of the day in Maryland, good luck finding it. We went to just about 7 or 8 7-elevens and random liquor shops to find something(Miller Lite) and to my chagrin, there was no beer in any of the places that were open. That's just a slap in the teeth. Like allowing smoker's in your establishment, but having no ashtrays. Only alcohol I was gonna find was rubbing alcohol and I don't take shots very well. Plus that's gross.
Here is a product that you need to check out, the iPhone. www.apple.com this thing is gonna change cell phones forever and I wonder if it will be necessary to have a regular iPod once this hits the ground. But, it's only a Cingular phone so a lot of us will have to jump ship. I know that I'll be one of the millions. And now for one more tidbit... Purple Sticky Salvia. If you don't know what this is then you are like I was until a couple days ago. I will only say that it is a perfectly legal hallucinogen. I have not tried it, so I can't tell you what it was like for me. But, it's legal for those who are adventurous. And cheap like weed, but available for a lot less if you want a small amount. www.purplestickysalvia.com You can buy this stuff online or at any Headshop that you can find near you. If you do try it, comment and tell me what that was like, or e-mail to remain anonymous. Laters...

And so it goes...

Hello everybody, it's been a few days since we've talked and shame on me for that. This weekend was a little busy for me I guess but I had my friend Jermaine Fowler with me to make sure that everything was okay. Saturday could have gone better for me at the Hyatt but I can't look back... I guess. I'll give it a 6 out of 10 and remember that I'm pretty bias when it comes to my sets. So it could have really been a 4.5, but that's neither here nor there. But, I did get to watch Rory and Ryan rip that bitch to pieces on Saturday so I guess it was worth it to get to watch those guys and not have to pay $5 like everyone else. Now, Sunday on the other hand was beautiful for Tyler. 9:55 is a cool ass club and I generally find it frequented by cool ass folks. I love being back down in Richmond since I don't get to go back down to VCU often. Jermaine rocked it and will be back to terrorize that town very soon and I'm gonna give myself a 8.5-9 on that evening. That's bold of me to say that I crushed so instead a modest(ified) it down. And yeah, that's not a word, but I felt that I needed to create one at that peticular time. Funny thing is that the internet said that I was headlining so I was freakin' out cause I can't entertain for an hour yet. There is a huge difference between talking for a hour and giving a performance that feel is worthy of people's time for an hour. But, luckily when I arrived I was greeted with a quick "sorry the internet was wrong, you're still the feature act." And boy, was I relieved. Feb. 13th- Improv Competition part Duex. The comics from Richmond were cool as always so let me throw out a shout to Odyssey Michaels and Neil Constantine. Both should be at Wiseacres this week, I believe, to rock that open mic and get some work with the Comedy Cartel. Mr. Michaels had a very interesting conversation with me about the website that I own. For those unfamiliar: www.funnynegro.com Don't go there cause it's not done or running, but I do own it. I asked him how he felt cause, well, he's more established than a Tyler Richardson... my worst fears for the name immediately came true. He didn't like it for reasons of professionalism, and possibly setting black back 50 years. Plus, I'm not urban and that name might make other people think differently. So, if you have a recommendation please feel free to send it on down. Feb. 13th- DC Improv(and yeah, this is subliminal messaging) Sat. I'm swingin' by the ol' Ned Divine's to kick some of that ol' funky shizzy. Okay people, I feel drained and unless I think of a second blog for today, see ya laters....

And we're back!

Finally a new year. I've really been looking forward to the possibilities of this year so I'm super siked that it's arrived. And yeah, that last sentence was to be read aloud as Big Gay Al from South Park. I really haven't done too much lately and feel like a fat turd for that. I can't remember the last time I wrote a joke that stuck and felt worthy of the stage. Maybe soon, I mean I have been smoking a lot of something that is normally quite the muse. Maybe stopping will produce something... other than rage towards others for no reason. Saturday I get to do the beloved Hyatt again and that's cool. Sunday I get to go to Richmond and soak up some good ol' VCU rays. I dig that too.
*Side Note: I am currently having a cinnamon ball that tastes surprisingly like Shrooms. That's not a good thing and it's kind of making it hard to finish this thing. Back to normal then...*
Is it Wednesday already? Man. I saw the footage from the phone of Saddam's death, and let me just say, I was appalled. It was awful. Movies glorify the hanging of people and don't get as ugly as the 2 seconds you can make out that his neck is stretched like taffy. His shirt was like a foot left of his nose. But, at the same time, I can't stop watching it. It kind makes me feel old cause when I was a kid I remember he was like Hitler. We had a war, he was still on the loose, and then every show I watched took a cheap shot at him. Now, don't get me wrong the man was evil and ruthless, however.... I feel a little sympathy for him cause it shouldn't have been him we we're watching get executed. I feel like we all wanted Osama and settled for Saddam. Everyone mentions that there were no Weapons of MASS DESTRUCTION, and yet we came and dug him up to kill him and, oh, by the way "You killed a bunch of people back in 1982" and the funny yet sad part of it is, those people botched an attempt to assassinate him! But, there are a lot of details not said and yeah, he did kill a lot more people than that too... moving on. I believe that my dog Max has taken a shit in my bed or something and I just can't find it. We'll talk later people. Enjoy the time we spend apart...

Hello everybody

It has been a little while since I stopped by to chat for a few seconds. How are you? (fine) great, and how was your Christmas? (fine and thanks for asking, how was yours) as expected it was pretty awesome and I spent a lot of time with family. My mother who has been divorced for most of my life, recently got engaged. It's a little weird for me to picture because it's been me and her for most of my life, but on the flip side he does have a lot of money and that combined with the fact that she's not doing too bad herself make me very happy. Happy for them, but mostly for my sister who is 10 years old. She gets to be one of those rich black kids that I wished I was all the way through high school. I tip my hat to that. Me, on the other hand, I'm just the older son that he really won't have to put up with. But, he did get a 24 pack of Miller Lite for me at a party they threw before Christmas, so I like him. Plus, he got my mother(who is perfectly content with a 32" TV and basic cable with dial-up internet) to get DirecTV and DSL internet, and now there's talk of LCD screens in the future. I love this man. Now if I can just get him to let me borrow his Corvette for the weekend, I'll call him Dad. For that weekend.
How are you comedians these days. I haven't been out too much the past week or two. It's been busy, but I imagine that most people have been running ragged. Thank goodness that it's over now. And, I really look forward to the possibilities and opportunities that this new year offers. I really hope to achieve some goals, comedy wise, that make me a better comic, and get work. Who knows, I might even give running an open mic a try. But, I want to make sure that I do it right if I'm going to do it at all.
I had a big bowl of Gumbo last night, and let me tell you that it's calling. Let me satisfy this beast and we'll do this again sooner than later. Like Monday. Laters everyone....

At last.... my love has come along.

At last my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song

Ohh yeah yeah
At last
the skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you

I found a dream, that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known

Ohh yeah yeah…
You smile, you smile
oh And then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
for you are mine....
At Last


Just felt like I should finish the lyrics. Well I finally got a video of newer material on my computer. Hope it makes a few minutes better for you. And, if you hate it, cause it's your right to... that wasn't me.



Laters.

Lizards aren't just for kids...... anymore!

So I did the Laughing Lizard on Saturday and it was cool. Not one of my better performances of the last couple months but it was okay. Interestingly enough, I was talking about how at the last time I had to pick an order number I picked first(Improv Feb.06) and then as I laughed in retrospect... I drew 1st again. Took it like a man. Tried to rock it like a sexy man but these things happen. So, the coolest part was probably just all the cool ass cats hanging out there. Let's go through a list(drum roll please):
Kojo Mante
Larry Poon
Aparna
Andy Haynes
The Beautiful Tyler S.
Marshall Henry
John McBride
Jacob Young(with the sexiest hat known to man)
and Tyler R.(yeah, I threw myself in cause the list was looking slim)
So where to now? Don't know, I guess I'll see where the wind blows me. Let's see now... Last week was Kazaam night so maybe I can be sexy at Soho tonight, maybe. We'll see what Gears of War has to say about that. Laters....

Buffalo Wings!!!

So, last night I went to Herndon. Saw a lot of people that I hadn't seen in a while since I stopped going to Wiseacres. I bombed I guess; I only use I guess since there were comedians sitting in front of me and everyone else was at the bar talking and certainly not giving me the time of day. I'm not the kind of person who passes off not grabbing attention just because there are nothing but comedians in the room. I find that even comedians are people and they should laugh if your funny enough. So it doesn't really matter who you are, if the person on stage has done what they came to do, you laughed. Did not happen for me last night though. Perhaps I was just having an off night. Plus, I got lost for about a half an hour before I got there. But I left really early just in case. To give a good example of someone who did perform at a level I wish I had let's use Seaton Smith. He came, did what he do, the walked off the stage a conqueror. RESPECT.
On a different note: Last night I had the opportunity to talk to Clay Miles after a long time of not speaking. Not really important if you don't know what happened, but he was a big man last night and I respect that. Not everyone can forgive, so it kinda caught me off guard. Oddly enough, we were conversating on working through bombing right before I got onstage and went Ass to Ass. Destiny maybe. Oh, by the way I had some sex last night... moving on. Saturday will be hopping over at the Laughing Lizard, man that was corny but you get the picture. Just go, it doesn't even start til' 10pm-ish. Let's just say 10:30-ish... Just go. Maybe the drunk girl will be there foaming at the mouth with date rape drug and gimmesome. Could happen... Laters

It starts...

Well, it's Thursday and here we are again. I have the pleasure of going to the Buffalo Wings House(I think that's the name, but I could be off by a word or two) and it should be fun. Rob has really done this whole open mic thing pretty well I must say. Locations seem nice and ready, I repeat, ready for comedy. And that my friends is what is most important to me. They say that a paid show and open mic audience are completely different and laughs will always be harder when they paid to laugh; probably the truth, but I'll take a crowd that's damn close to it. I'm looking very forward to 2007, it should be a cool year. One thing that I need to change is my need to drink when I'm out at a place that serves CERVEZA. It's denting the pockets and now I find myself budgeting for said beer. That's a sign of alcoh... know what, no it's not.(Denial) Don't know what it is but the milk shakes from McDonald's give me horrible... well you know what they do to people who are lactose intolerant. Only problem is that to the best of my knowledge, I'm not lactose intolerant. Problem. I've finally thought of what my website's name will be and feel free to let me know what you think www.funnynegro.com, I like it and think that quick line gets my sense of humor across in a very blunt way. Well, I gotta go, but stay sexy people. Laters...

Monday at Soho...

Well, in keeping with Murphy's law, I went to Soho on Monday and it was Kazaam night. Well... I did get to soak up the free comedic stylings of Doug Powell, Andy Haynes, Rory Scovel, Jay Hastings, Kojo Mante, Chris Barylick, and any other comic who's name escaped me. But then it got really cold so I went home. Nothing happened on Tuesday, but tomorrow it's off to Rob Maher's new room in Sterling. We'll see how they take me and I'll report on Friday. Just to get it in everyone's mind, I'll be at the Lizard on Sat. and so will Poon, Tyler S., Marshall Henry, Rory, and lots more. Be prepared people, be prepared....

Determination.... and Christmas Time!

Determination in the title of the blog is cause I have to get off my ass and go to Soho tonight. I put it off week after week, but today "I'm there".

Okay, so I had a Christmas party for work on Saturday night. It was interesting. Very lonely though and probably cause this was the first time that I've been to one alone. I can't say that I recommend it. I did get hit on by the loveliest young woman, but that's not what I came there for so I did the bitch thing and walked away.(don't care if you believe it, cause it happened) I did have a lot to drink though. Like 10 beers and 3 apple martinis. Oh the appletinis! I had one in my hand the entire night. Like a black slightly more attractive Dean Martin. Love it, cause it takes a strong man to drink what he likes when everyone who sees him breaks into laughter and homophobic jokes. But, you know me, I'm not gay so they bounce right off me. All in all I had an okay time and then proceeded to get smashed even when the party was done. YOU KNOW! Okay let's do the rundown of the week: Go! Tonight-SOHO...Thursday-Rob Maher has a new room in Herndon, there should be Buffalo Wings or their name is completely misleading...Saturday-checking out the Lizard cause Tyler S. runs it, and this will be the first time I'll have gotten to see Rory since coming back. Laters, and I hope to see you all around...

So this is Thursday, huh?

Hello... it's been a while. Let me get serious on you for a minute. I saw Freedomland and feel compelled to get people to see it. I think that in a time when missing white children get so much media attention and little black children get so little, we needed a movie like this. It's eye-opening because it's so true to life. I just watched it because it had Samuel L. Jackson and Jullianne Moore, but was quickly drawn in to the story. Just watch it people. Just watch it.
If I may I would like to introduce the world to song lyrics that are of a caliber that you really don't see these days...
Well, it was one of those days -- not much to do
I was chillin downtown, with my old school crew
I went into a store -- to buy a slice of pizza
And bumped into a girl, her name was mona -- what?
Mona lisa (what? ) *singing* mona lisa, so men made you..
Youknowhatimsayin? so I said, excuse me, dear
My gosh, you look nice!
Put away your money
Ill buy that slice!
She said, thanks - Id rather a slice of you
Im just kidding, but that's awfully nice of you
The compliment showed she had a mind in her
And when I smiled (ping!) I almost blinded her
She said, great scott! are you a thief?
Seems like you have a mouth full of gold teeth
Ha-ha, hah! had to find that funny
So I said, no child, I work hard for the money
And calling me a thief? please! dont even try it (right!)
Sit down eat your slice of pizza, and be quiet
She almost got cut short -- you know, scissors
She tried to disrespect who? ! the grand wizard
Me! well whats your name, son?
Mc ricky d, but not to be so harsh I said to mona li-hee
Im.. sorry and I know thats low class (uhh, yeah)
Please sit, and tell me a little about your past
She said, well I got courage, and I dont like porridge (uh-huh)
Ive never been to college, but Ive got crazy knowledge (uh-huh)
Over eighteen and my eyes are green (uh-huh)
I wear more gold than that man on a-team (uh-huh, uh-huh)
Trim, slim, (yeah) and Im also light skinned
Best believe monas a virgin
A virgin? ! honey needed a slap
She tried to tell me shes a virgin -- with her yea wide gap
I said, it dont matter, see, Im not picky (word)
Let me spell my name out for you, its ricky:
R -- ravishing
I -- impress
C -- courageous; so careless
K -- for the kangols which Ive got
That I wear everyday and
Y -- why not?
To fights not right that I recite and im..
Quite polite like walter cronkite
Well, just about then, trevor my friend came in
He said, hey rick, dont you know playin with these snakes is a sin? !?
He grabbed me by my shirt and pulled me right out the store
He said, I dont want to see you playin with these lowlifes no more!
Now come along, we have a party to attend
With some real mature women and some more of her friends
He hailed down a cab and he waited for a minute
And as the cab came, he thrusted me in it!
And as we were leavin and drivin along
I could hear a melody as mona sang a song

(excerpt from walk on by [d. warwick])
If you see me walking down the street
And I start to cry.. each time we meet..
Walk on by.. walk on by..
Foolish pride
Thats all that I have left, so, let me hide
The pain and the hurt that you gave me
When you said goodbye..
You walked on by..


If you've never really heard the man rap then you have no idea what this whole genre called HIP-HOP is all about. Don't be afraid to get on Limewire(or pay for it) and get some tracks. If even one person listens then I feel I've done my job as an avid Slick Rick fan. If you grow to love it too, JUST PAY IT FORWARD! Show the world that people need to stop leaving him off their lists of the greatest rappers of all time. KRS-ONE is the only rapper that I've seen on television that remembered and put the man in his list.
Back on Comedy for a second... I will be at ROB MAHER's Buffalo Wings open mic next Thursday. In January I actually got a spot at Soho(so I'm actually going, I just can't stand always going and never knowing if I'll get on, so kill me). Gotta send out my tape for consideration of the DCComedy Fest 07'. Let me repeat that when I sent in a tape this summer for the Drafthouse competition, they told me that there were too many big names that entered. To that I have to say "There is no way your telling me that 30+ people in the area are that much funnier than me. Tyler Richardson should be somewhere on that list damnit. He's Tyler." I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't have somewhat of an ego, come on folks! But, I will tell you that one of the more humbling moments that I had all week was when a co-worker looked over my shoulder as I was reading Danny Rouhier's blog. He asked why I was reading and I said "this guy's big in the area and I like to see what he's got to say." They replied with "Look at all the people on his list of links, why aren't you on there?" .... That was about all I could say. Humbling. Laters Folks.

A play on Saturday...

Well, Saturday night I went to my good buddy Nelson's play at Marymount University. It was pretty awful. I love him and he entertains me without really having to say anything, but wow was I eager to leap out of a window.... but there wasn't a window. The part that upset me most was that people were pretending to shot themselves in the audience and sleeping. Then some of them started to get up and leave, but the thing that upset me most was that as they walked past me, I was still there. It was about an hour and a half of some chunky girl and Nelson READING from the script. They got away with this because the whole play was supposed to be them reading letters from each other throughout their entire lives. While they did skip some years, everyone found themselves hoping that these two character would just die already. But, instead of one of them getting hit by a bus or something we had to wait for the female to commit suicide. But, most of the fun of the evening took place after the show...
I was told that there was a guy that Nelson hated. Nelson has gone into graphic detail expressing how badly he would like to hurt this man, but you can kind of shrug it off since Nelson always goes into extremely graphic detail about anything he doesn't like. He's a little(more like a lot) over the top that way. But I still love him. I'm not perfect. Back to the bad guy. So, Nelson told me that there was this 21 year old guy that did the play with him and this kid was apparently a DOUCHE. But, the worst part was that this kid had the worst hair line I've ever seen. It was kind of sad, but Nelson did a pretty accurate job of describing this monstrosity before I even got there. Let's just say that when he's older he's either going to have the worst comb-over on the planet, or he'll have enough laughter in his direction that he'll shave it and become the UBER dork that God meant for him to be. I pray for the first one. When the play was over and everyone mingled, I made it a point to loudly bash this man's appearance. Not because I had to, but Nelson told me in advance that the kid needed to hear some serious shit talking and I'll do anything for a friend. But, when the cast went back to take the stage apart, the kid's family took my breathe away. The told him to pose and the made a yelp that you would expect the Jihad to make before a sacrifice. It was awkward and everyone who could hear it left the room immediately. Seriously. It was one of the weirder moments of 2006 for me. Oh, by the way, I di not go to New York, so no story there. And as for yesterday, well if you own Gears of War.... you understand.
I have to quit smoking. I got to work and was standing(not talking to) next to this guy when I noticed that his breathe was horrible. It really smelled like a man with shit on his feet was just dancing away in the back of his throat. So, minutes later I couldn't help but notice that I was still catching whiffs of this hideous smell. Then the truth sunk in. On this day, that bad breathe must belong to me. I just brushed and Scoped, how can this be? Doesn't matter, cause I guess that ciggy that I had on the way to work crushed that good breathe feeling and then had sex with it's girlfriend. So, now I have to go to the store and get more gum than any man can chew. I'll be damned if I'm gonna be that guy.
Congrats, to Erin Jackson. She not only deserves to win Baltimore's Funniest Comedienne, but she was the first person who I asked advice to and she had no problem reaching out to a newbie and giving some incite. So kudos to her and I'm sure there are much bigger things to celebrate in her future.
Well folks, that might have to do it for today. Laters....

I don't need instructions to know how to ROCK!

That's just a quote from a good show. If you currently aren't watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force, you might wanna "sheck it out". Sorry Joe. I've become something of a God in Gears of War.... that is all.
Sunday I head off to New York with Sampson and Chris Barylick. That should be fun and I won't be making the same mistake of buying New York Style pizza. Here is my problem with that type. In New York, the pizza that everyone won't stop talking about is thin and large. But, more importantly than that, it's hard on the bottom. As a child, I remember watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:the movie and it always looked so delicious. But it looked soft all over to me. So imagine my surprise and dismay when I bit into the pizza and discovered HARD BOTTOM. It was one of the sadder moments of my life... that day... and I bought a CD for like $20. So, instead of paying for this pizza that does not appeal to me, I shall got to a McDonald's or Sbarro. Tim Miller teased me the last time I went to New York and bought from Sbarro, but the stuff is good folks. You know that already though, why did I bother to try and defend them. They need no defense. Their offense is too strong.
For those that care about my schedule, I have a pretty bleak looking December but who am I? I don't expect to get a paid show every month, but one can always hope and keep picking up that phone, right? Right. And one day I will conquer this beast known as The Jokes on Us comedy club. Oh, it's gonna happen. I have tape of Saturday at the Hyatt that will find it's way online very soon. I would love to have a tape I'm not ashamed of that was at the Comedy Factory or the Improv, but I'm not Improv ready yet(I'm trying out this modesty thing) and guess I have to wait til' next time to get a tape at the Factory. But, it is important to me that people know I'm doing different material than that old stuff. I've written it off and it's dead to me. But then again, Kwanzaa is right around the corner now. Rob Maher has a new open mic, and for once, I'm gonna be on the first list of a new open mic. It's just an open mic, but every new guy has seen a list of a new open mic and noticed that "the good guys" come rock it right away and then over the course of a month Newbies get to come rock it. Well now your good buddy Tyler gonna gonna get to slice that cake up before everyone's gotten the good icing. It's a start, and next thing you know, maybe I'll open a room. Seriously, I would like to run a room but a) who would come out cause I asked them to? b)I'm not that responsible yet c)What if I all the sudden bitched when people wanted to get on my list, and then developed a super ego that destroyed the quality of jokes that I lay before you. And C) is the one that scares me the most. I peed a little just thinking of that Tyler Richardson. He should be shot. Scratch that, just slapped in front of on-lookers. It's still embarrassing. Well, I must be going but you'll hear from me soon, and you know what I'm gonna say, right? Laters...

Why?

Why do we do this thing called comedy? Is it because we enjoy the criticism that comes from strangers who don't find us funny? Do we enjoy traveling long distances for as much time as it takes to smoke a cigarette? Do we like watching our peers ascend to heights that we may never reach? Are we just sick of our day jobs? Have we just been longing to repeat jokes we've heard on television in real life to see if that will make us famous too? If you don't know the answer to these questions then I don't think that you know why your doing this. But, as for me, I think I got it.
I had a blast at the Hyatt on Saturday and I look forward to seeing whoever will be there on January 6th. For the record, I don't think I had a rape joke this time around so maybe that's why I get to come back so quickly. Who knows, it certainly wasn't because I turned that bastard sideways with laughter. I give it a 8.8, but remember I'm very bias when it comes to Tyler Richardson's performances. Andy Kline was hilarious as usual and so were a lot of comedians I saw. There were a lot of new people there but I think that everyone got their five dollars worth. They call the popcorn there GOURMET. Just wanted to point that out cause I thought I was going to choke to death from one piece. Oh it was dry baby! Loved it and so did my friend Rob that came with me. Completely unrelated, but I'm(for once) very happy with at least 15 mins. of my material now. I couldn't always say that and I feel like I've grown since I now have an amount of time that no matter what, I feel like I can rock any crowd with. That's a big step for me and hopefully as I continue to write I will get to ad to that time. No rush though, those jokes came to me when they were supposed to and so will future comedy gold... I guess. Well, tonight I hope to go to Soho, but honestly I never get written back saying that I can get on, so it's pretty easy for me to talk myself out of going out on Mondays. But, then again, the only person who suffers from that is me. So, maybe I need to get my ass out of the house. We'll see.

A great Thanksgiving

Well I have to say that I had an awesome time last night. Let's go through the line-up:
Jim Elliot
Leo Goodman
"The Great" Bird Knight
Jessica Paquin
Jared Stern
Rob "The man" Maher
Ayanna Dookie
Will Hesler
Hampton Yount
and more... including myself!
I had a great time and now to get through this holiday with the family. I won't be able to play my 360 for pretty much the whole day. That pisses me off the more that I think about it. Grrrr. Hope you enjoy the new video. We do. Til' Friday, I bid you a fond and fair good morrow. P.S.- If your bored on Saturday or your in the line-up, I'll see you at the Hyatt.

A late night snack...

Here is the latest work of the Riding with Strangers gang:


Be sure to hit up Ned Devine's tonight if your bored. Show starts at 9pm. See you there.

No tape no glory...

So, we have a lot to catch up on don't we? First, let's start with Friday night. It was cooler than I thought it would be. I was just filling in for someone and would be hosting the shows that night. Unfortunately... I got there a little late. It was unavoidable but for any new comic out there, just know that if you think you might need to take the day off at work to get there on time, take the day off. I rushed and was about 12-15 min. late. I basically ran into the show and onto the stage, and the show began. Not sure if they secretly wanted to pelt me when I got there but everyone at the Comedy Factory was still nice and seemed understanding, I did come a little ways. So, that show was a little weird but I did some time here and there(as I was told to) and it went great. Coleman Greene was the feature act and he was a great guy. Even off stage we just sat and talked like civilized people do. I will admit that I didn't get to speak to Angel Salazar all that much, but he was really nice and crushed with every performance. I did not get a tape of any of the shows due to(in this order) 1)getting there late 2) not being ready to film the second show 3)not having the tape rewound before the lights hit. But I will live. Well, in my own honest opinion, I did really well the second and even the third(the dreaded Friday night late show) show went really well. The laughed where I wanted and seemed to enjoy the jokes as much as anyone could hope for. I give the combined performances a 8.5, and I'm proud of that. As any comedian in the Baltimore area can tell you the staff at the Comedy Factory was just great. I enjoyed them last time I did a weekend there, but I really got to talk to everyone this time around and I have nothing but great things to say about everyone there. Rock on! And thanks for having me you guys.
So then we have Saturday night... I was a stupid person and told this pretty strange guy that I work with, that I would go to his house on Saturday night. I had no idea that he wanted to play video games until 4 am!(the man is like 50) But don't get me wrong, I left at 11 pm. Let me explain, but in order. I will list(as they happened) the series of strange events that lead to my exit.

1) I got a little lost finding his house
2) I see one of my bosses going into the house so I know that is the place I'm going. Mid-conversation with a friend, I just opened the door to his house to find his wife about three steps away from the door. I immediately said aloud "Why did I just do that?" Then apologized for 5 minutes.
3) Saw the mansion that he lived in and felt ashamed.
4) Did not eat the first 5 times it was demanded cause I was still drinking my beer. He demanded some more.
5) He played 10 minutes of Audioslave louder than the band does when they're really jammin'.
6) He played the guitar for me and some co-workers and used the word "serenade", and meant it. It was awkward.
7) He stopped me and a few other people from playing video games with the phrase "In a minute, everyone can either play Edgar and I, or you can go find something else to do!" That was the sign it might be time to leave.
8) While playing the game, I was going to drink this Margarita set out. I thought it was set out for me but then he asked me if I took it. He saw it in front of me so clearly he said that to let me know it wasn't for me. But if someone sets 3 Margaritas in front of you and one other person, wouldn't you assume that one was for everyone. My mistake, but then he tells me to go ahead and have it. So, I was letting it sit so I could finish my beer. Apparently, I was nursing the beer cause he kept making remarks about how I was basically wasting that drink. Then he tried to reach in and get the apple. I'm a germaphobe so I was not having that. Then, he made a few more remarks once I finished the drink about how the apple was going to waste, so I shoved that in my face to shut him up.
9) He started up Outlaw Golf and within a couple minutes he angrily got up and switched the game. When asked why, cause he seemed pissed, he just said that he'd rather play the sequel. OKAAAY, so he does that just to show everyone how his character leads along a gimp with a chain. We weren't really that amused. Desensitized I guess.
10) Someone says "Well, we'd better get going." I look up and three of the five of us still there are leaving. Then, Edgar says he's gonna just get a ride home with them. I was like "nah, I'll take you man." Then Stu looks at me and says "Hey Tyler, could you move your car, your parked behind me?" So this was my chance. Everyone was giving good-bye handshakes and damned if I was gonna stay behind. I got up and stuck my hand in the mix. He then looks at Edgar and I and called us out. "You guys are leaving after only 2 hours?!" That was horrible, but I told him that I wasn't gonna be able to have sex if I didn't leave right then. That was pretty much the truth though. So then on our way out, the host made a couple of joke with the loud words "get out" in them. Not funny. Point taken. He kept trying to play it off though. SO we left.
11) In the car, we laughed at everything that ust took place and then it hits me. I look in the back seat cause I don't think I took my game out of his XBOX 360(by the way, he handed me a printed out inventory of all of his games for XBOX and 360, let's just say it equaled a few pieces of paper). So now it's either we go back or I get it on Monday. Edgar had to pee so we went back. I called to let him know, and he sounded a little pissed but told me to come around back.
12) When I got there his son was now home. Nice guy, I said my pleasantries and then made my way to retrieve my game, and smooth this bitch over. Edgar went to the bathroom. When he got back I felt the urge to go to the bathroom too. So, I did. When I come out of the bathroom the first thing I see is that for some reason this guy's son is now shirtless. And he was a BIG BOY. Jelly big, not sexy big. He was showing off his ARM tattoos, so he took his shirt off. That was all I needed to see though. I made for quick compliments and then a handshake and we were outta there like a bat out of hell. All praise to Meatloaf! So that was my Saturday, plus I went home and had sexin's. That too, was beautiful.

In one of my earlier blogs I gave out my gamer tag. It's Devo2021 in case you weren't reading, but someone finally made contact. I will not say who cause I haven't actually conquered them, but you all know them quite well. When the day comes that he feels my chainsaw, I will plaster his name and hopefully a snapshot of me killing him with it. But, all in the name of love, I hope he'll give me an equally brutal tongue lashing if he comes up the better man. And, there's a good chance he'll be better.
Well people, it's off to Soho for practice(hopefully) and then to God knows where. VIVA LA TYLER! Laters...

Baltimore Comedy Factory pt. 2

Well if your bored tonight, and wondering around Baltimore, and you owe me $20 bucks... then come to the Comedy Factory tonight while I do a few shows. The debt will be forgiven, trust me. Also, I saw Over the Hedge. Damn good movie, but isn't anything that stars Bruce Willis. Well folks, I'll be hitting that dusty trail here soon so I will report on tonight tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll do well with my newer stuff and get a good 10 mins. on tape. Laters people...

Video games.... the anti-accomplishments

Well, I apologize for my absence but WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2007 came out on Tuesday and I've had to get as much of it out of my system as possible. I've gotta get back on the ball cause I feel a void where comedy used to be. No amount of weed amounts to that high so I have to get back on the road otherwise I'll just die. Not literally, but I will transform into a beast the has lost the ability to control his urge to kill. Just as bad by most people's standards. Did I mention that the beast would have metallic skin so the military won't be able to take him down... yeah cause that's one of the scariest parts. And missiles for arms. That's all.
For anyone out there with an XBOX 360: my gamertag is Devo2021, come find me. Then come get some. Gears of War, Smackdown, Madden, etc. I gets busy.
Lovely rainy day we're having, always better when you can enjoy the evening knowing that there's nothing to do, but sex up whoever is closest to you. I hope Nelson has the memo on rainy days, cause if'n he don't, it gonna be sex by surprise(aka rape). Okay now that was a rape joke but I've investigated and if you call it sex by surprise, people get less offended cause it takes a minute for them to realize that your speaking of the love that bears no passion.
A stranger tried to sell me drugs while I was exiting a store the other day. this might be a regular occurrence for some of you, but that doesn't really happen to me. For the first time in my life I felt like an adult cause I wanted to call the cops on him. Instead, I laughed all the way to the car, cause his only line was "What's up lil' homie? I got dem DUBS if you want em'!" Oh, he was classy. But, his lack of showmanship combined with the fact that he's the most obvious drug dealer I've ever seen kept him from a sale. And, I already had my drugs and I think he could tell from the look in my eyes.
Ned Devine's this Tuesday!
Don't have a whole lot for you guys today other than an impromptu poem that I'm all too happy to share:

If I could pick one moment in my life to go back on it would be one magical July night.
The year would be 2001 and the mood was just right.
I was driving around on a rainy day, and stopped to admire the scenery of a local neighborhood.
Not that I hadn't done this before but tonight was extra special.
Cause I got blown in my car that night.
End.

Here it is.....

Here is the video that I've promised for so long. I hope that you guys like it. I'll have the outtakes and deleted scenes(for a good reason) ready by later today. Later...

a Sunday to remember

Yesterday was an unusually good day for me. Mostly due to the fact that I played Gears of War for the entire day. Emergence day was exactly what it was made to be... FUN. At 12:01 am on Sunday morning the killings began. At one point a guy that I'm guessing isn't all that great to talk to began his tirade about white superiority and that was the first time I have ever given someone an online tongue lashing. I didn't respond with shut the F up or anything but instead gave him 3 minutes of "How sad is your chapter of the KKK, that they have you playing games online in hopes of recruiting soldiers for the movement?" Eventually, cause I was on a roll, a teammate had to tell me to calm down and let it go. I never really yell, and didn't then, just calmly expressed that it's pathetic he has to share those views with a bunch of guys relaxing and little children who are in between homework. You can't change anyone, but you can hold their face an inch away from feces and make them a punk for a second.
I hope to go to Soho tonight, and as a matter of fact... I think I will. Not that I stand a chance of getting on, but I miss you guys and it's been like a week and a half since I hopped on a stage in our area. That should not be! I keep getting these E-mails for a myspace account that I deleted like 5 months ago. I don't understand why I'm getting them but it looks like a lot of that stuff is coming from people that I don't really speak to. OH WELL. Bethesda should be fun on the 25th, and do you know why? Cause I will be trying my best to hump that place in to submission. That's right, the whole damn town. But, for those that want to see the humping, I plan on starting in the Hyatt and working my way outside after I'm done with the comedy show. I still don't know who else in on with me but I'm sure that it will be a line-up that will shake the world. The world. Maybe if I'm funny enough Curt will e-mail me back about other things. I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed. And let me give you a little history about the Hyatt and myself. In July I went there to do a little 10 min. set the week before I was supposed do the 20 min. ACTUAL set. The hotel (people) had already seen a tape of me and O.K.'d it. But, apparently there was a little too much mention of rape and they didn't want me. By mention of, I mean I said it once, and yeah I find rape hilarious and try to end at least half of my sentences with a zinger involving rape. So, I layed low like I was asked and now I can come by and do this thing like I couldn't have back then. And no, I have no plans of joking about rape when I go back.
Since this is my blog, allow me to pose a question. I don't want this to sound wrong, so please know that I hold anyone who runs a room or has started one in high regards. "Does running a room mean that you now have the right to be as rude and condescending to anyone you feel?" Here is why I ask... I read Danny Rouhier's blog last week and he had a lot of nice things to say. I love Curt, and we all know that he's never gonna answer his phone, we just live with it. This is not about him, the question is for us all. I do not have or run a room. Everyone's response to a gripe about a room is generally "then why don't you run a room!" Why is that the response to any situation. There are rooms that are run very well in this area. But, whenever I here someone throw out the phrase, it makes me think less of them. Why be such a dick(referring to anyone that has used that) cause chances are that if you threw that phrase out, someone told you something you didn't like and that was the quickest thing you could think of to shut them up and win that battle. No one is perfect, but I've seen many a time when someone was wrong and used that to blow it off. Take an example from Rendevous, the one contact that I've made with them was smooth and easy. " Do you have room for me to come by on..." And you know what their answer was... It was yes. If it was no, all that people need to say is "I've got room for you..." See how simple that was. Rooms are started for the best of intentions so keep it that way. "You want me to know my entire schedule at the drop of a hat?!" No, whenever your sipping coffee on your schedule, at your convenience, get back to me. How simple is that. It would be great to know that when I left the house, it's not a crap shoot. And shit happens, yes I know. My point is simple, I'm not telling people how to run their rooms cause I don't have one nor do I know every aspect of what they do. But, there is a reason that not everyone is running a room. I can't so I don't. If someone is considering starting one, and you actually care about anything that I've said, I have a few suggestions. They're gonna seem crazy but stay with me.
1) Answer your E-mails within a weeks time
2) Be friendly(why I have to point this one out, I have no idea)
3) Keep your frustrations hidden, cause that comes with the territory
4) Be fair and keep personal opinions out of the picture
5) We all start somewhere, but somehow you have to make it a room that COMEDIANS flock to and people wanna go have a laugh.

Your mission is not an easy one by any means but that is why not everyone does it. Have fun with this stuff. And like I said, this was really about no one person. Just a series of stuff that I've seen over the past year that all came tumbling into the blog as I struggled fill a page. Feel free to comment and let me know how you feel. I love everyone and I will talk to you all in the morrow'...

Mission: Un-do-able

That title is honestly the cheesiest attempt at a play on words that I hope anyone ever has to see from me. But, moving on...(and now for those of you unfamiliar with the dual personality monologue, say hello!) I'm well. How are you? I'M FINE. Been a while. YEAH, TOO LONG. Did you turn off the television before you left home? YEP, BUT I DID NOTICE THAT YOU LEFT YOUR COMPUTER ON. Did you get it? NAH. Dick. Britney Spears just filed for divorce and - NO ONE CARES, ESPECIALLY ME. NEXT SUBJECT. Fine, I just thought that since the world seems to care I would mention it. WELL YOU DID AND I'M A LITTLE MORE BORED BECAUSE OF IT. I'LL PICK THE TOPIC: FIRST 3 FEMALE DC COMICS THAT POP INTO YOUR HEAD. GO. Erin Jackson, Jessica Paquin, and Aparna. OKAY, ANY REASON FOR THOSE THREE. They're funny and I see/talk to them more than any other female comics. I should mention that Cassy(hope that's her name) is BEAUTIFUL. Please don't cut me off, but yes. OKAY, SHALL I PICK AGAIN. Go ahead man. OKAY, LET'S DO SOME QUICK WORD/NAME ASSOCIATION. okay, go... Cassy- FINE, Justin Schlegel- TOO FUNNY NOT TO BE THE ANTI CHRIST, Rory Scovel- COME HOME, Mumma- ROCK STAR REINCARNATE, Aparna- TOO GOOD FOR US(OH< BUT ONE DAY...), Andy Haynes- BARNEY'S KID THAT GREW UP AND GOT BITTER, Jim Elliott- EFFORTLESS HILARITY, Tyler S.- A DO-ER, Ryan Conner- BLESSED, The Great Bird Knight- SEXUALITY, Joe Robinson- R RATED MOVIE WITH A PREVIEW THAT'S PG, Jessica Paquin- COOL GUY, Jermaine Fowler- SURPRISE, Jimmy Meritt- TEACHER, Leslie Cooley- TOO FUNNY TO BE JUST BE MRS. MERITT, Erin Jackson- LOOKS LIKE MOM, Seaton Smith- ME, IF I WAS COOLER?, Marcus Brown- TOO FUNNY FOR ME TO CALL HIM DOO DOO, and lastly, what do you think of Tyler Richardson- ...GAY? I DON'T KNOW I'M YOU. And, no, I'm not gay. I KNOW. Aren't you glad that Gears of War will be out later today? OF COURSE, WE HAVE EVERYTHING THAT WE'LL NEED TO GET A GOOD TIME GOING TONIGHT. Beer- CHECK, Weed- DOUBLE CHECK, smokies- CHECK, a little porn- A LITTLE CHECK, and the game- CHECK BACK AT 2:00 pm. I'm gonna put a really good game photo on the blog once I do something that blows my mind. I KNOW, YOU'RE A GEEK. Well now I'm a geek who's leaving. Bye everyone and I'll hopefully have something great to write about tomorrow. See you in the future...

Evil blog #112...

Well here we are again and I'm in great spirits. Mostly cause I taped the drug thing last night and I get excited whenever people(or 1 person) watch something that I made. It's not a huge deal to them, but to think that they would blow a few of the mindless minutes at work watching something I did... it just makes me smile a little bit that's all. I saw the line-up for the DC Improv competition this month, and it had a lot of people that were right there with me in February. I'm not bitter by any means cause I didn't think I would be ready til' at least December, but I think I will have to find my way there cause I wanna see who wins. I'm not really big on competitions but one of the people that went with me could win and I can only imagine what that will be like for them. I need to see that look on their face and give myself something to reach for.
I read Jimmy Meritt's blog today( the one that teaches new people like me how to get work at clubs) and it was very educational. Even though I've gotten some work, it can only help to find out what other people are doing and see if that helps me. I can't even get respect when I'm standing right in front of people let alone when I'm on the phone. Not with this high pitched voice.
Gears of War came out today. I did not get my copy. Not my fault. Apparently, a shipment that was supposed to go to the store where I pre-ordered it, had a mistake. So now I just wait til' tomorrow and pray that I don't die of anxiety. It's gonna be close. Now I have nothing to look forward to today and thus, there will be Taco Bell. It helps when you're feeling down. By the way, I recently had a MALE break up with my friend Bill. He is the subject of a couple of my sets about a friend that has done way to many drugs to function in society. This break up has given me yet another set to get to work on. It was very awkward for me, especially since he's a guy, but everything reminded me of a couple splitting and it was very hard to hold back laughter. Won't give too many details that way I might surprise you with what direction I take this in. That's the goal for me... I don't want to shock, but I don't want people to think that they can finish a joke of mine without hearing the whole thing. I believe that one of the few compliments that I can give myself is unpredictability. Maybe, just maybe, when I do get to step onstage at the Improv again, I'll be able to walk off with something more than slumped shoulders.... like ummm pride. Yeah. Later people.

A public service announcement...

There will be a blog later but let me show you the photos that I took. There is a video to go with this that I need to finish editing. The Roomies are now expanded and thus deserve a new name... Riding with Strangers. It wasn't my idea, but we hope that you like the video anyway. Here are the photos and when you do see the tape you'll understand what your looking at a bit more.

With a weekend like that.....

Well, I had a great weekend and I'm buzzin' off that right now. Let's start with Saturday night. I went to the Laughing Lizard with my Nelson, and my Kevin. It was cool and thank you to Tyler S. for allowing me to jump on the stage and get some more of this new shizzy off my chest. I keep writing lately and can't wait to see if it's funny. Plus, I was going to 9:55 and wanted to see if this stuff could fill in some of that time I would be doing. The response was(by my scale) a 8 maybe even 8.5, and hopefully once I've done the material several times I'll get it just right. There were a lot of funny comics there so let's roll through the list:
Seaton Smith
John McBride
Cassy
Tyler S.(the ringmaster)
Leslie Cooley
Marcus Brown(I'm not gonna say the other part of the name)
Zach T.
and the man with an ass like "steel".... Chris Doucette
so it was a lot of fun. If you were there, you got a special glimpse of the waitress that normally comes in. You know the one that looks like she's 10. Well apparently she was high on PCP or something cause she came in there and cackled her way through the better portion of the show and made it a little weird. A first it was hilarious and then after like 25 minutes of her laughing harder than any person should, I pitied her and wanted to tell her things that would change her life around. I did not because, "I don't know that girl". But it was sad. I hope she makes it to 21. Let's move on to Sunday shall we...
So yesterday I set out to Richmond and was featuring at the 9:55. It was cool and the crowd was exactly how they were last time. They were open to what I had to say and I was able to tell a couple of stories that strung together very nicely. They listened and were right with me the entire time. I dug that and I got the chance to do some more of the new stuff and a couple bits that I dusted off. I had a ball and kicked it around there for a little before driving back home. I met a great comic named Neil Constantine who's material was great. I really dug the fact that he looked like a beatnik. I think that somebody's got to wear the look, and damnit, he did it well. Allow me to share some of the happenings while I was there. I was in this Diner which was literally around the corner from where I used to live in VCU. I had never been before and was meeting my buddy Jason and his ambiguous F*CK buddy. After sitting down and chatting I look to my right and see a young asian guy sitting at a table full of young men who happens to be applying lipstick and I stared hard. My mouth was open and I had a look on my face like that whole thing was new to me. I don't know why I looked like that but when I focused my eyes on the world around me I noticed that the whole table was looking at me.(Whew that was a long sentence) They were kinda giving me the same look I was giving him and then I noticed that now Jason and Caly were looking at me too and so... I closed my mouth and turned around. It was awkward. That is all. I ran into a group of young guys that were dressed in Blue Blazers, I shit you not. They looked straight out of a Docker's ad, and when I saw them this is what I said "You guys look like your ready for a fight!" They instantly knew I was joking and we talked our way across the street into a 7-Eleven. It was a coincidence that they were headed there too cause I was getting some cigarettes. We talked for a while and then I left my new Docker's ad friends. And they were actually pretty cool and funny guys. My guess is that they were pledging. Well then I got home at about 1:45 am, and had one of the worst pee incidents ever. I didn't have to go to the bathroom until almost the second I stepped out of my car. When that happened, I felt it hit and knew I wasn't gonna make it. But I tried, and had my arms full of stuff. I got to the door then had to literally pinch the top and drop my stuff. I bolted up the stairs to my apartment and when I let go of my top... I was peeing. It was completely out of nowhere and in my head it was like an action film cause I really didn't want to pee on myself but for the first time sober, there was a good chance that this could happen. Well, tonight it will off to Soho. I hope to see you guys there and I'll talk to you tomorrow. Gears of War in just two more days...

As the drama unfolds...

My anti-drug campaign will start within the next day or so( just problems with hetero mate Nelson's schedule) but until that begins, allow me to dazzle you with a tale(I'm going to TRY to make this rhyme{in my head anyway})...

On a mountain made of sand and stone sits a very peculiar lion. His name is Gob and he's 20 years old with a mane as black as I am. On this good day he decided to stay, and let the others go hunting. He'd sit there a while, and gather a smile cause it's easy to catch a monkey. Laziness was Gob's only friend and his role in the pride was fading. But he had a plan to get it all back and maybe more than he came with. See while the pack hunted he knew of some humans that set up camp when the rain hit. So Gob went on over and with naughty intentions to take over the throne of the lions. First there was a meeting, with power and points and lots of talk that means pretty much nothing. Then a bargain was reached and humans set out with the help of a devious lion. The pack was so tired they could harldy hear Gob as he loaded his .38 snub. Cause if they had they would have ran, but still gotten taken out bub. Gob saved the leader of the pack for last cause that's what great villains do, just to catch the last look in his eye. And when it was time, Gob plucked out his eyes and sent screams into the night. Gob took his throne but still wanted more so politics were next on the menu, "If you don't agree with one of my decisions.... I'll kill you" and he hopes he can depend on you.

I was bored. Work with me people. Sunday Richmond. Monday Soho. Wednesday Gears of War. Thursday Topaz. See ya around.

Well Thursdays are for thinking...

That means absolutely nothing. But it was the first thing that came to my mind and so, as I do everyday, I went with it. Last night was not the night it should have been for me. I was supposed to sit in rush hour traffic and get to the Richmond FunnyBone for the open mic that they have there. But, I called and they told me that I was still an alternate. I called a couple of weeks ago and someone told me that I was getting on, but luckily I decided not to trust them and check again. He was wrong. So I had to skip that trip. Still doing the 9:55 club on Sunday though. I really don't get to hold a microphone for more than 15-20 minutes when I'm on a stage so I'm looking forward to pacing myself and exploring things. Part of me wants to spend the first five minutes silent and see how well I can do off facial expressions and the pure comedy of an awkward silence. Gotta love those. The highlight of my day was when I found out that I no longer need to mail back videos for blockbuster online. Apparently, now you can take them to the store and it works just the same as it did before except no waiting two days for your movie. I love that and I still get my free in-store movie rental every week. Priorities people, priorities.
Thinking about groveling at Topaz tonight but maybe I'll venture to one of these new open mics and see what all this hoopla is about. Gotta be something to it. I've decided that every week I will be giving my own award for: "The dad with the best genes AWARD!" Basically means that there'll be an intermission in one of my sets where I find out the name of an attractive girl's father. Should be a treat for the world... the world. Fathers who produce an exceptional product rarely get their dues' and it's about time that we should them we appreciate the sap that drops from their waist. Thank you. Laters...